Mission X
by Sailor Janus
Summary: The Gundam Wing Pilots' newest mission force them to become the worst thing possible....a Boy Band! Oh the horror! How will they ever survive? Pure insanity is a definite!
1. New mission

Mission X Part 1

A New Mission

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

Disclaimer: their respected creators own Gundam Wing.

Now on with the show ^_^

*~*~*~*

       It was just another weekend at Heero's apartment. Wufei and Duo were constantly arguing over something petty while playing the newest action video game as Quatre and Trowa were trying their hardest to ignore the bickering, waiting patiently for their turns.

       Growing bored of the new brain-sucking device, I mean video game, Heero decided to retreat to his room to check his email and find out if they received a new mission yet.

       Turning on his laptop, the Perfect Soldier quickly signed on waiting for the connection to complete. This unsurprisingly, took at least twenty minutes. How sad that no matter how much you advance in technology, it still takes forever to get online. 

       "Welcome! You've got Mission!" the computer blared as Heero rolled his Prussian blue eyes. 

       "Duo's been messing with my computer again. Damn him," he growled as he opened his email box. Last time, the braided-haired pilot had created a little animation in which the five pilots were doing the can-can whenever the stoic teen signed on... and then mooned him when he signed off. This resulted in Heero dragging Duo to the computer by his chestnut brown braid to fix it.

        'Hn, Mission X?' the boy thought as he began to read the newest mission and suddenly turned chalk white. 

       "Oh no..." Heero groaned as he read on, feeling as if he were about to retch all over his poor highly abused laptop.

       "Hey Heero! Did we get a new mission?" Duo cheerfully asked as he bounced in the room. The stoic teen just pointed to the screen, still in complete shock.

       The chestnut brown-haired pilot glanced at the screen, which depicted a picture of the pilots wearing very bizarre looking clothing followed by the statement on the mission itself. "Hey! That's us but.... What the hell?!" the boy gaped at the picture as he too appeared to be growing ill.

       "What?! New mission?" the Chinese teen asked as he stared curiously at his two extremely pale friends, which nodded as they pointed at the computer.

       Heero finally found his voice, blinking at Wufei. "We have to pose as a boy band." 

       "WHAT?! INJUSTICE!" the dark-haired teen bellowed as he pushed past Duo, knocking the teen clear across the room to get a better look at the screen. Sure enough, the mission was real. "There is no way I am going to pretend to be some nancy pansy singing boy group!" 

       Just then Quatre and Trowa walked in the room wondering why everyone was yelling.

       "Wait. Did Wufei just say we have to pose as a boy band?" the green-eyed teen asked pausing in the doorway as the other three boys nodded in response.

       Quatre looked a little worried. "Did we do something wrong? Are they trying to punish us?!"

       "This is going to be hell," Trowa sighed as he crossed his arms leaning against the doorframe.

       Heero decided now would be the best time to alert his friends about all the facts concerning the mission. "Says we're the newest up and coming boy band called Xtreme! We also get new identities."

       Wufei rolled his dark eyes. "I have a feeling I'm going to hate this," he muttered. 

       "Duo, you're DJ, 'Dane Jason' Mitchells." 

       The American pilot shrugged. "Cool, at least I don't have to worry about my initials!"

       Heero nodded as he continued, "Um, Wufei is Coal Lee."

       "Coal Lee?! What kind of weak name is that?!" Wufei said as he arched an eyebrow.

       "Trowa, your name is Travis Sharp," the Perfect Soldier announced, receiving a nod from the quiet pilot for an answer.

       Heero frowned at the name he was about to read but thought nothing of it. "Quatre you are Ali Gene."

       The blonde blinked and then shrugged, "It's okay I guess. What's your name Heero?"

       The stoic pilot gritted his teeth as he answered. "Chase Evers."

       The Altron pilot nodded his head. "So we're a boy band called Xtreme! Consisting of the members DJ, Chase, Ali, Travis, and Coal? Someone shoot me now," he flatly stated. 

      Duo cringed as he thought of the prospects of being a boy band. "It's not so bad Wu-man! We just have to pose as a boy band. We're not going to sing or anything," he grinned.

       "Yes we will," Heero dryly stated as the other pilots spun around to face the teen that said the worst thing possible.

       "Come again?" Duo choked, as he grew even paler.

       The Perfect Soldier sighed as he glanced up from his laptop. "We have one month to learn how to sing and dance before the mission is to officially begin."

       Everyone else dropped their jaws, mindlessly gaping at their friend. "ABORT THE MISSON NOW!" they shouted in unison. Unfortunately the stoic pilot shook his head. Besides Dr. J had trained/programmed the teen to the point where he'd have a stuttering problem if Heero even attempted to say the words "Mission aborted," or anything resembling a simple no concerning an appointed mission. Generally speaking, the pilots were stuck. 

       "Can't do it. This is one mission we are forced to do whether we like it or not." 

       Duo was in a state of shock as he plastered one of his small deadly smirks on his face while his eyes filled with a vacant look. Calmly he began speaking. "Heero, remember all those times you told me you'd kill me?"

       The teen nodded his head.

       Suddenly the Deathscythe Hell pilot slid to his knees and handed his own gun to his friend. "Do it now! PLEASE JUST KILL ME!"

       Quatre sighed as he pulled the frantic pilot to his feet with the assistance of Trowa. "Duo! Get a hold of yourself!" the Arabian exclaimed.

       "BUT I CAN'T SING!" The American cried out at the top of his lungs.

       Wufei snickered at the panicking pilot. "Ha! The weak braided baka is afraid of singing!"      

       "We have to sing and dance?! Did we die in a battle, not knowing it and this is actually hell?" The green-eyed teen sighed. He hated the idea of becoming a boy band more than anything.                           

       Quatre bent his head down, covering his face with his hands before looking back up. "You know, maybe Duo has the right idea.... HEERO KILL ME! PLEASE! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!" he begged, dropping to his knees as he placed his own gun in the other pilot's hands that blinked.

       "Quatre, I'm not going to kill you or anyone else in here," Heero bluntly said as he gave the gun back to the upset teen, "and no suicide attempts!"

       The other three pilots sighed defeatedly. What did they do to deserve this?! If this is some cleaver plot formed by OZ to drive them insane, it was working.

       "Hn. Oh crap. We have to get some new um, clothing," the Prussian blue-eyed pilot cringed at the screen as his friends raced for the computer, colliding into each other. 

       Wufei's jaw about hit the keyboard as he stared in disbelief at his new 'look' consisting of army pants, black combat boots, and a black leather vest. "There is no way I am wearing that! Injustice!"

       "You mean guys actually wear that?!" the aquamarine blue-eyed teen gaped at the wardrobe 'he' was wearing which was none other than a pair of dark jeans, a frilly looking light blue shirt and a tan leather jacket. 

       "Wait! I have to get a tattoo? Double injustice!" the Chinese teen scoffed, staring at the screen.

       Duo appeared horrified, as his eyes grew extremely wide. "I have to wear pink! Bright shiny pink! And Zebra print pants! Whoever is in charge of costumes needs to be dragged out in the street and shot!" the pilot grumbled regarding the sparkly black and white fuzzy zebra print pants teamed up with a shiny hot pink shirt with darker pink strips falling down it, unbuttoned with a white tank top under it.

       The green-eyed circus performer wasn't too happy with his clothes either, but had to admit, they were a little better than his clown costume. A little. That statement however doesn't imply much considering a garbage bag would look better than his circus costume. Sadly he was shown wearing ultra-baggy royal purple nylon sweat pants with his underwear hanging out and a black tank top with a glittery dragon plastered on the front in gold with sneakers. "Um, why does my underwear need to be hanging out? Is that some strange turn-on that I'm not aware of?!  And how am I supposed to walk with pants that huge?!" he asked with an arched eyebrow. The people in charge had to be insane.  

       Heero was cringing relentlessly. His clothing was so hideous, resembling a clubby reject. Tight black leather pants, and a bright blue hologram shirt covered in silver sequins buttoned up loosely, untucked. The wardrobe person really needed to be shot or enlisted into a mental institution.          

           THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD.

       "Wufei, stop. Knocking yourself senseless is not going to do any good," Trowa said to his friend who was repeatedly slamming his head against the wall. 

       THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. "Yeah, but maybe if I can make myself comatose, then it'd be impossible for me to do this stupid mission."

       "Is this even a real mission? I mean is there a point to all this madness?!" Quatre asked hoping it was nothing more than a cruel joke.

       The Perfect Soldier sighed hating the idea as much as the others. "It's a real mission. The description reported that we'll find out more about it as we progress."                  

       "Hey, we have to report to Soduh Pop Records at 4, gulp, in dress?!" Duo said from Heero's laptop as he scrolled to the bottom of the screen.

       Heero spun around and shoved the chestnut brown-haired pilot off his seat. "Hands off," he grumbled. This was after all, computer number 3. The first one died by gunshot wound, pronounced dead on the spot. Laptop number two died at the hands of Duo, sending the poor computer up in smoke as sparks began flying. Quite an impressive explosion the electronic device created. 

      "Looks like we have to go shopping now," the green-eyed teen flatly pointed out. 'Oh this is going to be long day.' he thought with a frown.

       Duo blinked and then pouted. 'But do we have to get the same exact stuff?! I don't wanna wear pink! Pink's evil!" 

       "Maxwell, stop whining," the Chinese pilot rolled his eyes as he rubbed his aching head. Perhaps Trowa was right. That was a very stupid thing to do. 

       "We have three hours before we need to be at the studio. So let's hit the mall, they should have some cheesy stuff, " Heero muttered as he printed out the directions.

       With grumbles, the five gundam pilots stalked out the door of Heero's room followed by the apartment door on the quest to find the cheesiest clothing possible, before reporting to their newest form of torture, the record studio.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Well what do you think? This is going to get a lot more insane. I have plenty planned for the GW boys. hehehe

There is also a reason for this insanity as well. You'll just find out towards the end. 

Next Time

The GW boys go shopping and meet the insane people at Soduh Pop.

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::zoom in to SJ sitting on a plush chair opposite a shadowed figure::

SJ: Welcome to "Interview With a Gundam Pilot!" This week's guest is Quatre Raberba Winner!   Welcome Quatre ^_^

Quatre: ::blinks:: Uh, Thank you. ::whispers:: Why are we doing this SJ?

SJ: I needed some new material not to mention I think this is a really awesome idea! ^_^

Quatre: Uh huh. It's the sugar again. -_-

SJ ::glares:: Shut up. I thought you were supposed to be the nice one!

Quatre: I am. ^_^  So um, what do you want to ask me? ::looks nervous::

SJ:  Just a little of this and a little of that. ^_^

Quatre: Oh, okay ^_^ ::takes a sip of tea::

SJ: So the first question everyone is dying is know is, Why do you always wear pink? 

Quatre: ::chokes on his tea and sputters as he tries to talk:: I don't know what you are talking about? ^_^;;

SJ: ::leans forward:: Come on. You know very well all your dress shirts are pink. So what gives? Do you like the color or something?

Quatre ::blinks and turns red:: Um, actually I really suck at laundry and kinda turned all of my white shirts pink. My father refused to replace them since they were so expensive. Never ever wash red with white! hehehe ^_^;;;

SJ: Uh huh. Interesting. 

Quatre: ::blinks again:: Wait. So that question everyone has been dying to know is why my shirts are pink?!

SJ: ::glances down at her notebook:: Truthfully, yeah. ^_^

Quatre: O.o;;;

SJ: Oh! New question! If you're an Arabian, why are you a blonde?

Quatre: Um, hehe, I kinda had a little incident as a child with some really strong peroxide. It soaked into my scalp turning all my hair blonde. ^_^';;

SJ: O_O 

Quatre: Strange yeah, but it happened. 

SJ: ::blinks:: O-kay. Um, why do you speak English/Japanese if you're an Arabian? How were you able to understand everyone including the other gundam pilots? 

Quatre: ::frowns:: Well, in school we had to take English/Japanese so there would be no language barriers. 

SJ: And every*one* mastered this?! Including Duo?! ::blinks::

Quatre ::turns redder:: Um, hehehe, Not as believable huh? Fine! Those who have not mastered world linguistics use these neat little translators, which make the person, have the ability to understand and speak in different languages.

SJ: ::nods:: And who exactly has the translators? Do you?

Quatre ::shakes head: No, my father made sure I could speak at least forty different languages by the time I hit secondary school. Whoever is wearing a turtleneck or a shirt with a high collar has one. It affects your vocal cords. 

SJ: So that is Trowa and Duo?

Quatre: Yep. They had to stay away from quite a few electronic devices though otherwise they'd transmit the Spanish futbol games and other television shows. It was funny hearing the two shout "GOOOOOAAAAAL!" though. And the commercials were quite funny too. I'll never forget when Duo asked, "Have you ever had that not so fresh feeling?" in Spanish! ::they start snickering:: We about died laughing although Trowa singing this one children's show's theme song was hilarious in itself! He used a really pitched voice!  ::SJ about loses it trying to imagine Trowa sing in a high-pitched voice:: Fortunately they have remarkibly learned the other languages so those devices are no longer needed.

SJ: ::wipes a tear away:: That was a great story Quatre. So do you really play the violin? 

Quatre: Uh, I can fake it! They play a tape in the background when I am supposed to be playing.

SJ: ::blinks:: Wait, your performances are dubbed?! 

Quatre: Yep, I prefer the electric guitar myself. Or the drums! Drums are cool because they make a lot of noise! ::blinks:: What did I just say?

SJ: Sorry, looks like you were channeling Duo for a minute ^_^;;

Quatre: ::shudders:: Creepy O_o;;;

SJ: Okay, new question! You have 29 sisters right? ::Quatre nods:: How in the world were you able to get in any bathroom time especially in the morning?!

Quatre: O.o

SJ: Well?

Quatre: Um, we had a really big mansion and a lot of bathrooms. I didn't exactly live with all of them at once though.

SJ: ::nods:: But don't they all come during the holidays?! It must take enough food to feed a large army! 

Quatre: Uhhhh, not all of my sisters come. No because then it'd be a fire hazard. hehe. ::is clearly sweating the questions now::

SJ: ::has a smirk on her face:: Okay time to get a little personal. Quatre, tell me, what do you really think of Dorothy's eyebrows?

Quatre: ::blinks:: What do I think of Dorothy's eyebrows? I think she needs to fix them! They're awful!  We've tried to be nice by giving her little coupons for waxing at salons and have even resorted to throwing tweezers in her bag, sending her hair removal products at her home, but she still doesn't take the hint. ::sighs::

SJ ::snickers::  Okay, another question, why do you guys talk to your gundams?

Quatre: O.O

SJ: Come on, we have all heard you. All five of you talk to your gundams!

Quatre: ::turns red:: Um, we don't have any pets and well, we have grown quite fond of our gundams! Anyway you talk to your car, computer, and yourself for that matter! So you're really one to talk! ::crosses his arms::

SJ: -_-;; Uh heh. Anyway, we have run out of time so be sure to come back next week for my interview with the 02 pilot Duo Maxwell! ^_^ bye bye! 

Quatre: Poor Duo u_u

SJ: Quatre, stifle it!  Uh hehehe, Cut! 

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: I hope this was a little funny. I decided interviewing the guys at the end would be fun. Anyway if anyone has any questions for the guys feel free to ask and I'll decide if I can do them or not. I figured the pink shirt thing would be good, I mean how many of us have actually turned something the wrong color simply by washing it? 

Next Week

Interview With Duo Maxwell

Duo: Help!


	2. Clothing and Insanity

Mission X Part 2

Clothing and Insanity

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

       The five Gundam Wing pilots finally found their way through the thick traffic to their unfortunate destination, the mall. After being forced to play a real life game of Frogger trying to cross the street between the various parking lots without being demoted to road kill, they made their way into the large building containing various stores and restaurants.

       "Grr, damn tourists need to learn what 'pedestrians have the right of way' means!" Wufei grumbled after nearly being smacked by several cars trying to cross the parking lot alone. 

       Quatre nodded his head with a sigh. "Even the locals are bad. Makes you wonder what it takes to get your license?"

       "Knowing how to drive must not qualify," Trowa said quietly as Duo snickered. 

       "I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me shoot out that one guy's tires. He deserves it," Heero muttered as he crossed his arms. 

       The Arabian looked up at the sky as he replied, "Because getting arrested for possession of an armed weapon is not on our agenda."

       "Hey, but if we get arrested then we couldn't do this stupid mission!" The cobalt blue-eyed teen grinned as the others thought of it, but shook their heads. Whether they liked it or not, they had to do the mission. 

       With a deep sigh, the five teens swung open the fingerprinty glass doors to a major department store and walked inside. 

       "See, these clothes are actually decent, but no, we have to look like a boy band. Taste is not required," the Chinese mumbled as he pointed towards the nice display of T-shirts, tank tops, and jeans.

       Duo shrugged, "because they aren't tacky enough?" 

       The Perfect Soldier was staring down at the paper he printed out from their mission statement. "Hn. There's a list describing the type of clothes we must wear." 

       The other four pilots spun around to face their friend. Each were too horrified to ask what it said, knowing that it was probably very bad.

       Finally Quatre took a deep breath and asked the one question that everyone feared. "I'm afraid to ask, but what does it say, Heero?"

       The stoic teen frowned as he read the paper off in his usual monotone, "Duo, you wear wild and outrageous stuff. Wufei, you get the tough guy clothes. Trowa gets athletic clothing. Quatre is trendy, and I am clubbish."

       Everyone was silent after the descriptions of their new looks. Some turning pale while others began to appear rather green. 

       "So basically we need to look like we popped off of a Teen magazine," The green-eyed circus performer dryly spoke as they headed towards the main sections of the mall.

       "Welcome to Hell. Please keep you head, arms and all other appendages in the car at all times because this is gonna be a rocky ride," the braided-haired teen flatly said as he crossed his arms in disgust. 

       "Wow, the mall is a pretty popular place," Quatre gasped with amazement, staring at the huge crowds of people walking from store to store with various bags in their hands. 

       "So where to?" Trowa asked as the five friends exchanged glances. Each equally confused. Where exactly can you find a boy band-clothing store anyway?

       Heero shrugged as they continued walking deeper into the large building before turning into a store, which appeared to contain what they were looking for. 

       Suddenly a petite blonde bounced up to the five guys with a smile. "Hi! Can I help you find anything?" she asked, practically shouting over the loud pop music blaring from the speakers in the colorful store. Either the girl was hyper due to a caffeine rush or she was just naturally perky. 

       Scratching his head, Duo nodded. "Uh yeah. Do you know where the tacky boy band clothes are?"                     

       "Duo!" Quatre shouted, looking horrified that his friend had actually asked such a question. "Eh heh, please excuse him. He forgot to take his medication. We're just going to look around."

       The girl blinked in confusion and finally left the five pilots to themselves. 

       "Good one baka," Wufei grumbled as they headed towards the guy's section. 

       "What?!  She asked if she could help us!" the braided-haired teen cried out, not understanding why everyone was peeved at him. 'What did I say?' he thought, following his friends close behind.

       "Hn, look. Those clothes resemble what we saw ourselves wearing. Scary that they actually exist," the Perfect Soldier said as he pointed towards several racks of obscenely bright clothing. 

       "Great," everyone chorused as they trudged over to the racks, in search of their so-called perfect boy band clothes. 

*~*~*~*

       Trowa frowned at a pair of pants, which looked as if a family of four could live in the pants legs themselves. Shaking his head, he traded them for a smaller pair. "Hey, think these will be big enough? I think two of me could fit in here," the circus performer questioned his friends as he held up the extremely large pair of black nylon sweatpants with gold racing strips trailing down the legs. 

       "Looks fine Trowa," Heero nodded as he cringed at the outfit in his hands. A long bright blue satin shirt and black pants. No glitter or sequins, so the Perfect Soldier could probably survive wearing them together without going on a homicidal rage.

       Wufei was in a similar situation. He had to have a tough guy appearance but how without looking ridiculous? Finally after much debate, he settled with a black tank top, teamed up with dark blue jeans and a flight jacket. Not what he'd normally wear, but it'd do. The leather vest and army pants were just too much for him.

       "Why do I have to be the wild one?!" Duo grumbled. Wild usually meant bright colors, which really made the teen, gag. He was happy with black, everything else was just too, depressing. "I wonder if they'll approve of midnight blue? Anything but pink! Ugh!" Making a face, the long haired pilot decided on a long black duster, with a red long sleeved shirt and black leather pants. There was no way in hell he was about to subject himself to the mockery pink and zebra print pants much less be caught dead purchasing them.

       "Duo, you should probably at least try a hat to make them happy. That doesn't even resemble what you were wearing the picture," the blonde teen said as he grabbed a baby blue shirt of the rack. 'This might do.'

       The braided-haired teen rolled his eyes as he stomped off to the accessory section, breezing past Trowa who was trying to decide between two different athletic jackets. "The black one will go best, not to mention the back is long enough to cover my butt which is a blessing considering it will be near impossible to keep these pants up."

       After trying on a few hats, Duo selected the fuzzy red and black leopard print. "Tacky, I am," he muttered, dragging his new stuff to his friends before they went about purchasing their finds. What a waste of perfectly good money! 

       Quatre about died laughing, when he saw Duo's hat. After gaining himself a dirty look, the teen took a pair of white jeans off a rack, deciding that it looked similar enough but there was no way he was going to get the jacket or a ruffled shirt.

       "Everyone have everything they need?" Heero asked, not looking too pleased over the fact they had to spend their own money for the items, which they would rather burn in a big bonfire. Someone better reimburse them or there will be hell to pay! 

       Duo sulked crossing his arms as he cynically said, "Yep, the Cheese Boys are ready for their first public mockery appearance. Bring on the anguish."

       "Pants I could probably break my neck wearing, we're all set," the green-eyed teen nodded his head as the group proceeded to the front counter to pay for the new clothing.

       Luckily this was as pain-stakened as they feared. Before the gundam pilots knew it they were racing out of the mall as quickly as possible. Sadly, once again they were forced to play a live action game of Frogger with a few near game overs.

       "I swear some people must have gotten their licenses in a Cracker Jack box!" Duo growled after nearly becoming a lovely stain on the windshield of a sports car.

       Finally, the unenthusiastic boy band members loaded into the van, and drove off to   Soduh Pop Recording Studio, stopping only once at a vacant rest stop to change into their new clothes. There was no way they were going to be seen in public wearing such hideous articles of clothing.

*~*~*~*

       "Wow, I didn't know Hell was painted pink and electric blue!" Duo sarcastically said as they gaped at the brightly colored building while pulling into the recording studio's parking lot. 

       "Uck, now we know where the bad fashion sense comes from," Trowa dryly said as he parked the van. 

       Slowly, the five teens got out of the automobile and began their walk up to the doors as Duo promptly began humming the death march. 

       "Knock it off you braided baka," Wufei grumbled as he glared at the hat-wearing pilot. 

       With a deep breath, Quatre pulled open the glass door, and together, the five pilots entered the place, which they wished never existed. 

       From the moment they walked inside, the gundam pilots fought every urge to run right back out of the door. The lobby was brightly painted in various shades of pink, blue, and green, with plush white sofas in the reception area. 

       The blonde Arabian took a deep breath and approached the receptionist who was busy filing her nails. "Uh, excuse me. We're um, Xtreme! and I believe we have been scheduled to meet with some people, I think."

       The red head glanced up at Quatre before pointing towards the door across the small hall. "Go in through there. You're late," she crisply spoke. 

       "Thank you," Quatre smiled as he pointed towards the door. With a gulp, the five teens walked up to the door, which abruptly swung open, nearly smacking into the quintet. 

       "Candy! Will you call those- oh it's you! It's about time!" a short man grumbled as he looked at the five startled gundam pilots. "Please come in, and don't be late next time! Punctuality is highly important if you boys want to make it big."

       Making it big was not exactly how the five would describe it. Surviving was probably the most appropriate word. 

       With heavy sighs, the five teens followed the irritated man into the room, as the door closed behind them.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Hehehe, I'm glad everyone likes what I have done so far on this story. I am having such incredible fun working on it! 

Duo: ::grumbling:: Of course it's because you love torturing us. 

       Eh heh, Well, it's a great story and plot!  For some odd reason I like torturing my favorite characters. It's really bizarre. So yes, I had Duo wear pink on purpose because I hate pink! But that's just me.           

       Oh all the gripping about people driving, that's pure me. I don't know how many times I have almost been nearly hit by someone who does not understand what those nice little white lines going across the street mean (ahem, they mean pedestrian crossing and you are supposed to slow down) but no one ever stops for pedestrians! 

       Done with my rant. ^_^

Duo: About time!

       Watch it Duo. You're next.

Duo: ::gulp:: Help!

Next Time       

The GW boys discover Soduh Pop's plans for them. Be very afraid.

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::zoom in to SJ sitting once again on a plush chair grumbling about a tray of something in her hand::

SJ: Why did I have to make the refreshments! Don't they know that I can't cook! 

::notices the camera is on and slightly blushes, quickly placing the tray of misshapen and slightly burnt cookies on the coffee table::

SJ:  ^_^;; Eh heh, Hi, and welcome to another great episode of "Interview With a Gundam Pilot!" I am your host SJ and today's guest is everyone's favorite Deathscythe Hell Pilot, Duo Maxwell! 

Duo: Um, I'm the only Deathscythe Hell pilot.

SJ: -_-;; Anyway, how are you Duo?

Duo: Okay, I guess. ::sniffs the air:: What's that funny smell? It resembles...burnt tires?!

SJ: ::glares:: Chocolate chunk cookies. I told them I couldn't cook yet no one ever listens to me.

Duo: ::blinks:: Why didn't you use the refrigerated cookie dough. They even have some pre-cut! ^_^

SJ: ::pouts:: That was the refrigerated pre-cut cookie dough.

Duo: ::facevaults:: Geez, you are hopeless! O_o;;

SJ: Shut up! At least I can make crescent rolls. ^_^

Duo: ::nods:: Yep, unroll, separate into triangles, reroll and bake. 

SJ: ::glares:: All right, Mr. Hotshot Pilot, I have a few questions to ask you.

Duo: ::flatly:: Yay. Let the torture begin. -_-;;

SJ: What is it with you today?! Here, eat a cookie. Maybe sugar will brighten your attitude! ::holds out platter::

Duo: Great, now she's trying to kill me. -_-;;

SJ:  Grrrrrrrr ::slams Duo over the head with the platter sending cookies flying around the room::

Duo: O_O Yeow! That hurt! 

SJ: ::dryly:: It's made of plastic Duo. -_-

Duo: But you didn't have to hit me so hard!

SJ: ::crosses her arms:: Quit being such a baby. You're a Gundam Pilot for goodness sakes! You've fought in war!

Duo: ::scoffs: Yeah, but not against cookie platters.

SJ ::sighs in defeat::  Okay, first question is how much time do you really spend on your hair?

Duo ::blinks:: Huh?

SJ: Well, your hair is so long and you must take hours washing and braiding it alone.  So how long do you take and when do you actually have time to mess with it?

Duo: ::gapes at SJ:: Um, maybe two or three hours in the morning. If I have no time to wash it then I just throw it back in a braid, which usually happens whenever Heero wakes me up with a phone call at 2 in morning about the latest mission! I swear the guy needs to call at more civilized times! 

SJ: ::nods and glances down at her notebook:: Hmm, you haven't had a haircut since you were around six or maybe younger, right?

Duo: Yep! ^_^

SJ: If that's true then shouldn't your hair be dragging on the floor by now? 

Duo: ::turns red::

SJ: Well? Are you actually telling a lie when you say that 'no one has cut your hair since then?'

Duo: ::stares wide-eyed at the ceiling before abruptly standing up, practically going into hysterics:: Fine! I cut my own damn hair and the reason why it's always braided is because I CAN'T CUT STRAIGHT!

SJ: O.o;;; A little louder Duo. I don't think they heard you in Albuquerque! ::shakes head to get the ringing out of her ears:: Now I know how Trowa feels. -_-;;;

Duo: Hmph! ::sits back down, slouching in the chair::

SJ: Ehh, okay new question. What's the deal with the priest outfit?

Duo: ::shrugs:: Dunno, I just kinda like it. Gives me a homely feeling. 

SJ: Really? 

Duo: No. Anyway, I was pretty much poor in AC 195 so that was all I could wear. In AC 196 if you remember, I was wearing a red zip up turtleneck. They don't exactly pay you to be a Gundam Pilot. Lousy cheapskate scientists can buy Gundamium but can't bear to spare a few measly bucks for clothes!

SJ: Oh. Well that makes sense. Then after the war you could actually try to make money.

Duo: Actually Quatre loaned us some. It's hard to find someone willing to hire you with my track record. I didn't mean to blow up that one factory! When they say flammable they aren't joking!

SJ: O.O  O-kay, a little more info than I wanted. Let's see new question ::searches her notes:: Ummm...

Duo: Don't have anything do you. 

SJ ::glares:: Give me a minute!

Duo -_- Or a year.

SJ: Hey! I don't take that long! Oh! Why do you seem to always get punched in the stomach? If I recall correctly, somehow are knocked the wind out of you at least three times if not more. 

Duo: ::blinks:: What kind of question is that?! Does it look like I enjoy having someone's fist slam into my gut?! 

SJ: It was just a harmless question.

Duo: I guess my answer will be luck not mention probably a popular place to punch. I suppose since Heero takes it upon himself to catch bullets with his body, then one of us should be beaten as well. That's one stupid question. 

SJ: ::glares:: What with all the black by the way?

Duo ::shrugs:: I'm the Shinigami and death looks best in black. Black and death kind of go together NOT PINK LIKE SOMEONE THINKS! 

SJ: O.O Ehhhh, Ow.... my poor ears..... Heh, anyway, blame Soduh Pop! They selected the clothing! (Not really but SJ doesn't feel like fighting Duo in his Deathscythe Hell Gundam on foot)

Duo: Yeah right. 

SJ: Oh gee look! We're out of time so be back next week for my interview with Heavyarms pilot Trowa Barton! ^_^

Duo: Good luck trying to get a word out of him -_-

SJ: ::glares:: Cut! 

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: What just happened there I don't know, but I hope it sounds okay and resembles humor, hehe. Oh, the part with the cookies is true. Never ask me to bake anything for a bake sale! 

That's all for now. Now I'm going to go watch my new Unedited Gundam Wing videos 12 and 13! The unedited versions are so much better! ^_^

Next Week: Interview with Trowa Barton


	3. The Contracts

Mission X Part 3

The Contracts

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

       The five pilots found themselves in a small but adequate office lined with gold and platinum records. 

       "Please take a seat boys," the man said as he sat behind the large oak desk. 

       Reluctantly, the gundam pilots sat in the mentioned chairs. At least they were semi-comfortable. 

       Duo unfortunately could not stop staring at the man's neon green shirt. It was so ugly that it actually hypnotized him. Teamed up with a black and white checkered tie and khaki pants, the long haired teen was expecting the fashion police to bust in the room and drag the man away, charged with bad taste in the first degree.

       "Okay, before we begin, let me introduce myself. I am your manager, George Columbus, the discoverer of all the greatest pop bands of all time. With you five under my wing, I can make you the biggest thing of all time," the stocky man said as he picked up a water glass, taking a sip. "So, now we got that over with, Ali, Chase, DJ, Coal, and Travis, I have a few papers you must sign and then we'll go over your new schedules." 

       Abruptly, the large man stood up and grabbed a huge stack of papers, which resembled five extra large dictionaries. Placing them in front of each of the teenagers they began gaping as they stared at the pile in horror. The gundam pilots swore their eyeball were going to pop out and roll on the floor at the size of each packet of papers which sat in front of them, mocking the boys with the assorted questions and places to sign. Hello writer's cramp from Hell! 

       Quickly, George handed each of the new boy band members several pens since it was very likely they would run out of ink. "Don't worry, it won't take too long, just a few hours give or take. I'll leave you boys to get to work and will be back here around 8:30. Have fun!" 

       After that last word, the manager departed from the room, leaving the five gundam pilots to begin their fast-paced road to cramped hands.

       Finally, the teens managed to peel their eyes from the huge stack of papers, briefly catching a glimpse of their manager leaving.                

       "Um, did he just say he's going to return at 8:30?" Quatre weakly asked while removing the top of his blue-inked pen. 

       "Yeah, why?" Wufei said as he began reading the top paper, pen ready to initial the bottom of the first of many pages.

       "Because it's only 4:30."

       Four ink pens in the room fell to the floor as the room filled with collective groans. 

       The Perfect Soldier placed his head in hands, growing tiresome of the whole ridiculous mission. "You mean we have to be here for at least four hours? Someone kill me."

       "Geez. I think this makes 'War and Peace' look like a children's paperback novel," Trowa winced as he completed page one.

*~*~*~*

A few hours later

       "Is it possible to die from paper cuts?" Duo asked, wincing as he turned page 109 of his bloodstained paper packet. The pages were so sharp that they could probably cut hair. "I think I'm going to need a blood transplant after this!"

       The Chinese teen groaned as his fifth writing utensil ran out of ink. "Anyone have an extra pen? My last one died on me."

       Quatre, glared at Wufei as he held out his stained hands. "At least yours didn't explode on you! I have blue ink everywhere! On my hands, my clothes, and this stupid packet of papers which we must sign every single damn page!"

       The green-eyed pilot glanced over at his upset friend and blinked. "Um, Quatre, it's in your hair too." 

       "WHAT?! I have blue hair?! That's it! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" the blonde shouted as he fought the urge to bury his face in his hands. Clearly the endless paperwork, which was lasting for hours on end, plus the cheesyly decorated room, was driving the usually calm and pleasant pilot up the wall.

       "Eh heh. Don't worry, Q-man! It'll wash out... hopefully," the cobalt blue-eyed teen attempted to reassure his friend which earned him a glare of his own. "Um, how many pages are there exactly?" 

       Trowa shook his head, signaling that was one question, which they were better off not knowing. "Let just say, a major city telephone book is probably thinner."

       "Great," the other four pilots chorused as they continued their torture. 

       "Damn, my hand is starting to cramp up," Wufei grumbled as he dropped his pen. "And don't you dare say a word, Yuy! I know you're ambidextrous!"

       Heero briefly glanced up, before continuing his work with a simple grunt. 'These insidious questions are endless and annoying. Maybe having the stuttering problem due to aborting the mission would have been better after all.' 

*~*~*~*

A few hours later

       "Duo, wake up. You're drooling on your papers," The Perfect Soldier agitatedly said poking the snoring pilot in the arm with his pen.        

       "Hmm?" the cobalt blue-eyed pilot mumbled as he lazily opened his eyes, squinting slightly due to the bright light cast off of the office lights. "Damn, we're still here!" he groaned throwing his hands on top of his head.

       The green-eyed circus performer yawned as he completed page 299. "This is taking forever," he complained which is pretty unusual for him, but this whole mission was making Trowa very bitter.              

       "Must we sign contracts on everything?!" The Arabian inquired as his eyes practically glazed over due to fatigue from writing for three and a half hours straight.

       The Altron pilot snorted. "Basically, they want us to state they now own us and to cover their own butts as far as legal matters goes in case we were to drop them which would result in a huge lawsuit."

       "Of course," the other four teens mumbled as they finally began finishing the everlasting paperwork, with only seven pages between them to complete.

       Just then George waddled into the office with a few other people right behind him, startling the already exhausted pilots out of their wits.                    

       "My boys! How's that paper work coming?" the manager exclaimed as the five teens mumbled 'great,' through gritted teeth. "Anyway I want to introduce you guys to a few people you'll be working with. This is Dan Starz, he'll choreograph your dance moves," he said, pointing to a tall blonde guy wearing a black T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

       "Nice to meet you guys," Dan said, as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

       The gundam pilots replied with various forms of hellos, and head nods as they continued working on their pile of papers.

       "Over here is your vocal couch, Stan Natra." George said referring to a dark headed man with eyeglasses and wearing a tan shirt and jeans with white sneakers and a black tie. Next to George, the two resembled vomit very nicely.

       Stan grinned as he directed his attention to the five teenagers. "I look forward to hearing what you boys can do."

       The five pilots nodded their heads with yawns, as they closed the now completed paperwork and dropped the burned out pens on the desk.

.

       The manager then pointed to a woman dressed in a bright pink jacket with a black blouse and skirt, with pink heels. "This is Cynthia Ickul. She's in charge of wardrobe.

       "You can call me Cyn," the red head grinned as the pilots exchanged glances to prevent giving the woman individual death glares. "Hey, Ali is it? I love the blue streaks in your hair!" 

       This of course earned the woman a groan from the tired Arabian. "She would," he muttered rolling his aquamarine eyes.

       "Everyone, This is Ali, Chase, DJ, Coal, and Travis. There are a few more people involved in making you five the next big thing, but they couldn't make it today. You'll meet them eventually though. So, welcome to our wonderful establishment, Xtreme!" George said as he reached out and shook each of the teen's hands that were each pondering, what the hell did they just get themselves into?

       "Alright, now that's over with, here's your schedules and we'll see you five back here tomorrow!" the manager grinned as he handed each of the five gundam pilots a single sheet of paper before practically kicking them out of the door.         

       Once they had actually made it outside, the teenagers finally inspected the papers in their hands. 

       "Um, when are we actually going to sleep?" Quatre asked with a nervous tone to his voice as he stared at the white sheet of paper. 

       "We have to be back here at three am?! That's insane!" Duo cried out unable to believe what they were about to be forced to do tomorrow. 

       "Three in the morning?! Injustice! Why must we be here at three in the morning?! Do they have no honor for their, um, talent?!" Wufei grumbled as he continued ranting on only to be interrupted by The Perfect Soldier.

       "We better go home then. Tomorrow should prove to be most trying," Heero said as his friends nodded, and began heading off to their van before going straight home and to bed.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Eek, I had a hard time with this chapter but I hope it sounds right. After all the GW boys need to sign a few papers in order to get things moving. The next chapter will prove to be worth your time, lol.

Oh, Thank you for the reviews! I love reading them! 

Next Time: Xtreme's first rehearsal. Be very afraid...and prepared to laugh your head off. ^_^

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::We find SJ struggling to open a container of cookies, which are in those really interesting to open plastic containers from the bakery department.::

SJ: Come on! Open up! :::abruptly the container releases sending the chocolate chip cookies flying in the air, and raining down upon SJ:: Fine! I hate you guys too! 

Trowa: ::blinks:: Um, SJ, who are you talking to?

SJ: Uh, no one!

Trowa ::nods:: Isn't it time?

SJ: Huh? ::looks at camera and turns a bright shade of red as she races for her 

chair.... and misses falling on her butt to the floor. 

Trowa -_-;;

SJ ::from the floor:: HI! And, uh, welcome to Interview With a Gundam Pilot! This week's guest is the silent sweetie, Trowa Barton! 

Trowa: Silent sweetie?!

SJ; ^_^;;  Eh, heh, Couldn't come up with anything better. So how are you Trowa?

Trowa: ::nods head::

SJ: -_-;; Good. You know I used to be as quiet as you when I was younger. 

Trowa: ::nods head:: What happened?

SJ: ^_^ Sugar and caffeine. ::grins:: The stuff is really great! 

Trowa: ::blinks::

SJ: Wanna try some cappuccino? It's Irish crème. I don't really know what makes it Irish crème but the stuff tastes good. ::takes a sip and winces:: Ow! As long as you don't burn your tongue -_-;;

Trowa: O_o;; O-kay.

SJ ::is fanning her mouth:: Um, anyway, ow, I have a few questions for you.

Trowa :::blinks::

SJ ::sighs:: Okay question numero uno is, How in the world do you get your bangs to do that?! I mean they shoot straight forward! You must go through like 10 bottles of gel a day!

Trowa O.O

SJ :Well?

Trowa ::blushes:: Um, actually, it's just a really bad cowlick. I didn't do this to my hair on purpose, it just falls this way on it's own. 

SJ O.o

Trowa: Ehhh, oh boy.

SJ: So it's nothing more than a really bad cowlick?! Have you ever tried slicking it back or anything?

Trowa: Yep, and no matter what I do, it always falls back in my face. 

SJ: O.O Sucks to have your hair. 

Trowa: Yep.

SJ: I mean when I had bangs one side flipped under while the other side flipped over due to a cowlick as well but that is ridiculous!

Trowa: I've grown used to it by now. 

::SJ takes another sip of her cappuccino and finds something odd in her mouth. Spitting it out in a napkin, SJ almost retches she discovers it was a black ant:: 

SJ ::turning a lovely shade of green as she stands up:: Um, excuse me.... I need to visit the little girl's room and hurl now. ^_^;;;

Trowa ::blinks::

::SJ races off to the bathroom gagging as she hollers "Eww! There was an ant in my damn cappuccino! I think I'm going to be violently ill!"

Trowa: And here she was offering me a cup. Hmph. -_-;;;; ::finds a few cookies on the floor, picks them up and starts juggling as he waits::

::A few minutes later a less green SJ returns with a clear glass of water::

SJ: ^_^  Okay, I'm back! Sorry about that. You can stop juggling now... really.... I'm having bad flashbacks to psychology.....Trowa! -_-

::Trowa drops the cookies, which crumble as they hit the floor:: 

SJ: Eh heh, I need to continue the interview. ^_^;;

Trowa: ::nods head::

SJ :All righty, let's see. 

Trowa: Wait, you almost ate a bug?! 

SJ: Ugh! Don't remind me! -_-;;;

Trowa O_O;;;

SJ: Okay, enough "Fun with watching SJ's diminishing self dignity go down the toilet." On with the interview!

Trowa ::nods::

SJ: ::reads her list:: Hmm, Oh! Nahhh.

Trowa :blinks:: Well?

SJ:  I'm working on it!

Trowa:  -_-;;

SJ: Oh! Got it! What was it like having amnesia?

Trowa ::blinks:: Don't remember.

SJ ::facevaults:: Should have known that was coming. -_-;;;

Trowa ::shrugs::

SJ: ::reads her notes:: Hmm, When you dump off your various weapons off of Heavyarms, do go back and get them or just leave them there and buy new ones later?

Trowa:  O.o;;;

SJ: Well? What do you do? Remember if you just leave them there, you're pretty much littering.

Trowa: Ehh, Heh. Actually I usually leave them and go buy new ones because I either have no time to go back for them or I forget where I last left them. I mean it's not like I can shove them in my pocket after I'm done. They're huge. ::shrugs::

SJ: Uh huh ::mumbles 'Litter Bug' :: New question. 

Trowa: ::sighs:: -_-;;;

SJ: Oh! Have you tried to do a triple axial in a room with a low ceiling before?

Trowa: Yes, and then if I recall what the others had told me, I got amnesia. 

SJ: O.O;;; Um, ow and uh, how?

Trowa: Can't remember. But it probably was painful if not numbing. Not to mention I either hit my head on the ceiling or the floor, but that probably doesn't really matter.

SJ: O_o;;; Eh heh, I'll bet. So why did you chose the life or part time life of a clown?

Trowa: ::shrugs:: Beats bagging groceries and flipping burgers. Not to mention where else can I put my agile skills to use? Not too many fast food workers do aerial stunts on the job.

SJ: ::gets a visual of a fast food employee doing a triple axial as he serves the customer....and the fries scatter out of their containers like confetti:: ::starts giggling as the visual continues this time the person has a shake.... which is promptly worn by the customer:: Yep, that would not work! ^_^ 

Trowa: ::nods head:: 

SJ: Well, we are out of time so tune in next week to witness my interview with justified Altron Pilot, Chang Wufei! Bye! ^_^ 

Trowa : Good luck Wufei, and beware of the cappuccino.

SJ: Ehhh Not my fault! Cut! -_-;;  

*~*~*~*

Author's Note: The part with the cappuccino and the black ant. That actually happened as I was writing this part! ::gags:: Oh that was so nasty! An ant drowned in my stinking cappuccino! I completely freaked out and proceeded to dump out the mix. -_-;;;

Next Week Interview With Chang Wufei

Wufei: Injustice baka onna! I'm not partaking in this insane interview! Where is the honor in your foolish questions?!

SJ: You will do as I say or else!

Wufei: Or else what?! 

SJ: Don't even try me! ::notices camera is still on:: Eh heh! Um, this is going to be one interesting interview!

Wufei: Hmph!

SJ: ::glares at Wufei as she cuts the taping::


	4. Out of Tune

Mission X Part 4

Out of Tune

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

       "BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP," Duo's alarm clock blared, startling the jumpy teen awake. 

       "Ehhh, Shut UP!" he shouted, trying to reach for the snooze button. "It's too damn early!" Of course, since the pilot's eyes were so blurry, he couldn't seem to find the snooze or off button for that matter. Instead the defenseless yet annoying wake up device wound up being thrown across the room, crashing fatally into the wall. Alarm clock number twenty-two has permanently been deactivated.

       Pleased with his success, the cobalt blue-eyed teen, closed his eyes and attempted to go back to sleep. However this was a failure when Heero began pounding on his bedroom door. 

       "Duo! Get up or we'll be late for our mission!" a muffled voice called out from behind the wooden door. The Perfect Soldier refused to call it either a rehearsal or practice.

       Lazily, the teen stumbled to the door signaling he was up, meeting a still partially drowsy Heero Yuy glaring at him. "Hi Heerooooo," Duo yawned as he fell asleep on his feet. 

       "Duo, wake up now, before I make you," the Perfect Soldier said appearing very annoyed with his friend. 

       "Huh? But it's so early! Why the hell do we have to be up at two in the freaking morning?!" the long haired teen whined as Heero rolled his Prussian blue eyes. 

       "Just get ready," the Wing Zero pilot ordered as he left for his own room.   

       Duo groaned as closed the door behind him. "Fine. This is so uncool," he groggily muttered to himself, glaring at bed with envy. 

*~*~*~*

       Duo and Heero both had to down two cups of coffee each in order to keep their drooping eyes open. The other guys will probably show up any moment. Hopefully, Trowa was completely awake since he was the only one who actually had enough patience driving. 

       Suddenly, the doorbell rang. The two teens exchanged glances until the Perfect Soldier decided he might as well get it since perhaps the short walk may get his blood going, aiding in waking up the pilot.

       Upon opening the door, it revealed his three very tired looking friends. Trowa appeared to be the only one that was not falling asleep on his feet as both Quatre and Wufei were leaning against the tall teen. 

       Unfortunately, once he took a step forward to walk inside the small apartment which Heero and Duo shared, Quatre and Wufei wound up falling on their faces to the ground. At least they were awake now.

       "Ouch. That's got to hurt," the green-eyed circus performer cringed as both he and Heero stared down at their friends who looked both confused and in pain.

       The two exhausted pilots winced as they rubbed their faces while carefully sitting up looking a little more alert, which really did not say too much.

         The Prussian blue-eyed teen helped Quatre to his feet as Trowa helped the Chinese teen. "You two okay?"     

       "Just shut up, Yuy," Wufei grumbled as he brushed past the Wing Zero pilot in hopes of regaining some of his dignity.

       "Hey it's Wu-man! Wu-man! Guess what?! I've had COFFEE!" Duo chirped as he raced around the room. 

       Heero dropped his head as he covered his face with one hand. Great now they had hyper a Duo on their hands. Why didn't he limit his friend's caffeine intake?!

       "Just how many cups did he have?!" The Arabian asked, gaping at the pilot who was running in circles around the room. 

       "Too many," Trowa nodded.

       The Perfect Soldier cringed as the chestnut brown-haired teen appeared to be trying to dance but since he was so jittery, it looked like he was being electrocuted instead. "The last time I counted it was two but he probably had more when I left because you guys were at the door."

       Quatre nodded his head. "Well, we better leave now or we'll end up late."

       "Anyone got some duct tape?" Wufei inquired in regards to their hyperactive friend. 

*~*~*~*

       By some miracle, the pilots managed to get Duo, with an extreme caffeine high, out to the van. Sadly, they also had to be in dress as well which made getting into the van for some, very interesting. 

       Quatre, Heero, and Wufei actually had a very easy time getting inside since they were all wearing jeans. Poor Duo with his long duster and Trowa with his way too baggy sweatpants was another story. 

       The caffeine happy pilot during his first attempt into the van, stepped on the coat, and slipped, falling out on his butt. The second attempt, he tried crawling inside, but the bottom of the duster got caught on the door, yanking the teenager out once again. Finally in a rage he pulled off the annoying coat, and successfully climbed in. 

       Trowa on the other hand, had gotten his pants leg caught on the brake as he tried to start the van, and concluded that driving with pants this huge was a very bad safety hazard. Luckily the teen decided to wear a pair of shorts underneath the XXXL pants he was swimming in, and took them off, finding driving in a pair of shorts was a lot easier.

*~*~*~*

       The five reluctant boy band members arrived at Soduh Pop Records with plenty of time to spare. At least they won't be hassled again for being late. 

       Once they walked inside, a very frantic Duo raced around the building trying to find a bathroom. Apparently, the five cups of coffee he drank finally hit him.      

       "There are my boys!" George Columbus cheered as he stepped out of his office and enveloped the four boys in a huge group hug. "Hey! Where's DJ?!"

       "Uh, he had to visit the bathroom. Too much coffee," Quatre admitted as he mouthed to Heero who was pulling out his gun, 'Put the gun away!' Apparently, the trigger-happy teen did not like being touched much less hugged. 

       Just then a very relieved Duo hopped out of the bathroom. "Remind me not to drink so much coffee," he grumbled.

       "We will," his four friends dryly chorused as they rolled their eyes at the calmer teen.

       "DJ! My man!" the manager shouted as he hugged the gaping teen that was standing, completely frozen out of shock. 

       A second later George released him and turned his attention to the other boys who were trying not to snicker at Duo's facial expressions.

       'Ack! He hugged me?! That was not in the contract!' the braided-haired pilot thought gagging as he caught sight of the manager's newest outfit consisting of a mustard yellow colored shirt, black pants, and a funky looking electric blue tie. 'Someone arrest that guy! Please!'

       "Now my boys, first is going to be vocal lessons, followed by a short break then wardrobe, a quick lunch break, a little more paper work and then choreography. Any questions?" George said as he glanced at each of the five teenagers who shook their heads. With a grin he clapped his hands together and pointed them down the hall. "Good, you may report to Stan now."

       Quietly, the gundam pilots headed off in the indicated direction. They were much too tired to argue. Hell, George could have told them they to wear pink tutus and prance down the hallway to the music of Swan Lake and they would not have argued. 

*~*~*~*

       The Xtreme boys found themselves in a rather large recording room, which had successfully made them quite nervous. Can any of them actually sing?

       "All right fellas, take a seat. I want you boys to try singing a little of your newest slow hit and later on we'll work on the faster, more upbeat song," Stan said as he passed out several sheets of paper with some of the craziest lyrics the five pilots had ever seen. "Oops, I forgot the tape with your music on it. I'll be right back. Uh, take this time to look over the words and we'll decide who sings what part." 

       Quickly the music man sprinted out of the room to retrieve the missing tape as the five teenagers exchanged horrified glances.

       "This is what we have to sing?! May the world end now," Quatre sighed as he closed his eyes in disbelief.

       Wufei blinked at the words in front of him, "This has got to be a nightmare!" he grumbled as Duo fell off the chair, in pure shock. 

       "Geez! I could write better material than this! It looks like a kindergartener wrote this stuff! Now I'm afraid to see what else we may have to sing!" Duo exclaimed as he climbed back onto the stool.

       Heero and Trowa nodded their heads silently in agreement as Stan entered the room once again.

       "Okay, we'll take it with the first section and from there, decide who will do what part. Um, DJ you're up," the dark-haired man suggested as the braided-haired teen gulped. "Wait for me to signal.... ready... go."

       "You make me feeeeel hiiiiiigher. I can fly through fiiiire. Your love-" Duo croaked out as everyone excluding Stan tried not to snicker.

       "Hold it DJ! You're not using the breaks!" the vocal coach said with a sigh. "Let's give Ali a try."

       "Uh, do I have to?" the blonde nervously said as he tried to sink in the stool. Which was a very difficult task to accomplish.

       Stan rolled his eyes as he started the music again. "There is nothing to worry about. 1... 2... 3... go!"

       After a quick gulp, Quatre was off, well kind of, "You make... me... feel... higher? I ... can... fly... through... fire. Your love-" 

       "Stop! I can see I'll probably have to work with you boys. Coal, you're next."

       The Chinese teen however shook his head. "No way am I making a fool out of myself! This is injustice! There is no honor to this!"      

       "Coal, this is just practice and believe it or not, you boys will improve. Well, hopefully. Now 1... 2... 3... go!"

       Wufei rolled his but decided to go along with it anyway. "You make me feel higher-" 

       "Coal! sing, don't speak!"

        The pilot grumbled for a few minutes before trying again. " You make... ME feel higher. I can... FLY through fire. Your love... MAKES me sing-"

       'Okay, good, I'm going to need some aspirin after this one,' the vocal coach decided as he cut the music. "Travis, you're up."

       Trowa sighed but considered giving it a shot. After all they were bound by contracts and the silly mission. Life could be so difficult_. "You make... me feel hiiiigerrrr. I can... fly through fiiirrre. Your love... makes me siiing. You arrre my looove ooon wiiiings."_

       Stan blinked, amazed that the quiet boy actually didn't sound half bad. He decided to make a mental note to give Travis a lot of the slow songs. "Good! Good! Okay, last one. Chase! Let's hear you sing."

       Heero glared at the man. He was not one for singing, but considering the fact that this was a mission, he concluded, he really had no choice. As soon as he was given a signal the Perfect Soldier gave it a shot...and crashed and burned. "You make... me feel higher. I can fly... through fire-"

       "Chase! A little, let's make that a lot more emotion please?!"

       "Hn." Heero grunted as he crossed his arms firmly stating that he was not going to do anymore.

       "Fine then we'll work on that too," Stan sighed, as he speed up the tape. "Let's try the chorus part all together. Um, Travis, you do the interjections. 1... 2... 3."

       The five reluctant boy band members exchanged quick glances before they were off. Did they really have to sing this part?! Let the world end now.

_       "Leeet's fly!_" -Trowa

_       "Soaring through the skies of bright bluue."_  - Others

_       "Leeet's fly!"_ - Trowa

_       "I never feel like this without yoou." _-Others

_       "Leeet's fly!"_ - Trowa

       _"Making my heart start to sing. You are my love on wiiingss." -_ All

       Suddenly the music broke as Stan cringed at the sound coming out of the five boy's mouths. "Geez! I think I have heard stray dogs sound better than you five! Are you boys tone deaf or something?! That was just terrible!"        

       The teens sighed as they checked the clock discovering it was only a half hour to go before a short break and then it was off to wardrobe. Will the torture ever end?!"

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: I'm loving the reviews and am so glad you like this story!

Oh! The songs I am planning on using and changing right now are "I want it that way" (You are my love on wings) and Larger than life, which is actually going to turn out very humorous. The reason I am using BSB is because at some point in their songs, everyone has to do a small solo, while Nsync it's always Justin and JC that are singing with maybe Chris. Yeah, I have researched this with the help of a friend as well as endured a few videos, which I actually burst out laughing because it's either the clothes, or the movements send me into hysterics. Color me strange. You wouldn't be the first.

Anyway, if you want a real performance get either a Midi of the songs or use your own CD/Tape. Believe me, it matches up perfectly when you put my new lyrics with theirs. You may also get some funny mental images of Heero glaring as he sings, Duo acting crazy, Wufei scowling, and Quatre appearing very timid.

Next up: The chaotic world of Cyn Ikle, the wardrobe lady. 

Now

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

::SJ is found dragging something heavy into the room. Turns out, it's none other than the Altron pilot himself, Chang Wufei. Luckily he is gagged as well::

SJ: Uh heh. How else did you expect me to get him here?! Wuffy boy over here, doesn't like me too well, remember? ^_^;;

Wufei: ::face is turning bright red with rage:: Mmmphhhhh! 

SJ: Oh hush up! The ropes aren't that tight!

Wufei:  -_-

::SJ notices the camera is on as she lugs the enraged Altron pilot onto a chair. Quickly she races to her own chair, but trips over it instead, flipping both herself and the chair to the ground::

Wufei: ::rolls his eyes::

SJ: ::grumbles:: Damn cheap chairs. ::smiles from the floor and place her hands angelically on her chin:::: Uh, hi! And welcome back to another episode of Interview with a Gundam Pilot! Today's guest is the most honor-obsessed pilot of them all, Chang Wufei! So how are you today?

Wufei: -_- MMPHHHH!

SJ: Oh uh right. Would help if I take off the gag, eh heh. ^_^;;

::carefully she climbs off the floor and walks over to the pilot with a sigh, slowly removing the gag from Wufei's mouth::

Wufei: Injustice baka onna! 

SJ: Be good Wufei or I'll have your precious Nataku custom painted pink with purple flowers spread all over it! 

Wufei: O.O;; You wouldn't.

SJ ::stares at Wufei with a smirk::

Wufei: ::mutters:: Damn evil onna.

SJ: Now then, how are you today? ^_^

Wufei: I was fine until a psycho came to my house, kidnapped me, and dragging me to a TV studio. -_-

SJ: ::glares:: Eh, okay now for the questions. Wufei, why do you keep your hair pulled back so tightly? Don't you get headaches from it?

Wufei: ::glares:: And what kind of question is that supposed to be? 

SJ: It's just a question! Geez, you'd think I insulted you or something?! Fine! Just how many bottles of gel did you use to make it stay that way then? 20? 40? 100?! -_-

Wufei: ::growls:: And yet another baka question brought to you by a baka onna. -_-

SJ: ::flatly:: Just answer the damn questions or I am going to cook something for you, which I'll guarantee will be much worse than Catherine's soup.   

Wufei; O_o;; Do you even know how bad her cooking is?! Her soup tastes more like soap! 

SJ: u_u  I burn or more likely, cremate refrigerated cookie dough and set the smoke detectors off when I even attempt to cook a bagel. 

Wufei: O_O;; Are you both from the same flunky cooking school?! Fine. I like to keep my hair out of my face. Makes it a lot easier to fight if your own hair does not blind you. At first I used to get headaches but I'm used to it by now, and one bottle a week.

SJ: Now was that so hard? ^_^

Wufei ::grumbled:: Yes.

SJ: New question. Do you still wear your glasses or do you wear contacts?

Wufei: ::sighs:: Contacts but I still need to keep my glasses because I can't wear them all the time. 

SJ: Yep, I know that fact. So have you ever tried the colored ones? ^_^

Wufei: Why be something I am not?

SJ ::blinks:: O-kay. Just how many languages do you know? I mean, you seem to be able to talk to the other pilots perfectly, which are from other countries, or at least their colonies are. 

Wufei: About forty.

SJ: So did you understand when Duo and Trowa used to transmit Spanish television stations from their translators like Quatre described?

Wufei: ::snickers:: You mean when Maxwell asked If you have ever had that not so fresh feeling in Spanish?

SJ ::smirks:: That's the one.

Wufei: Now that was priceless! I wish I could have tape recorded that, of course the best one was when Maxwell, began saying lines from a soap. He swore he'd never live that one down.

SJ: What happened? 

Wufei: ::smirks:: The lines were of this girl proclaiming her love for some boy band. The only thing is, he was in a very crowded electronic store and we so happened to be in Mexico on a mission. 

SJ: O.O Poor Duo. So then what?!

Wufei: He was very quiet for the rest of the mission. ^_^

SJ: Ouch. Well, maybe not for you guys because I hear he has the tendency to babble quite a bit but I'll bet he was quite embarrassed.

Wufei: Yeah. It was great. ^_^

SJ: Okay, one more question what does Nataku mean and why do you ask your Gundam for strength?

Wufei: Fine, I'll humor you. Nataku means strong which is why I ask it for strength. If my Gundam is already strong then it could possibly lend its strength to me.

SJ: ::blinks:: You know... that actually makes sense. We'll that's about all the time we have today so tune in next weak for my interview with the Perfect Solider himself, Heero Yuy. ^_^

Wufei: Better wear a bulletproof vest SJ. 

SJ: O.o;; Cut camera. 

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Hope this one sounded okay. I was having some trouble with this one actually, lol. Nothing crazy happened to me this week!

Heero's interview, however I'm picturing is going to be the best of the five just because he is well, Heero. 

Thank you for the suggestions. I mainly use what believe is both appropriate and humorous. If I didn't use your suggestion, it was probably because I couldn't think up an answer that sounded right. 

Oh, Nataku really does mean strong.

Next week Interview with Heero Yuy.

SJ: ::gulps:: Anyone have a bulletproof vest? O_o;;;


	5. Insanity's Closet

Mission X Part 5

Insanity's Closet

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

       After doing a few embarrassing vocal warm-ups, which unpleasantly they have to practice five times a day, the pilots found themselves gathered around a small table stocked with coffee, donuts, bagels, and fruit. 

       "At least we get free food," Duo shrugged as he reached for a chocolate-covered donut and tried to take a bite but discovered it was a little too hard to even leave teeth marks in. "Um, just a little too stale for even me to eat!" he muttered, tossing the pastry into the garbage can which instead dented the waste reciprocal. 

       Blinking, the five pilots stared at the damaged trashcan. "Did they make those with cement or something?!" Quatre exclaimed, with a dumbfound look on his face.

       "The fruit is bruised and a little over ripe," Trowa muttered, tossing the apple back into the basket which turned into mush. "Yuck."

       The blonde Arabian decided to try a bagel hoping it was fresh, but discovered the bread was hard enough to give a person a concussion if thrown to one's head. "The bagels could break teeth," he announced, replacing the round bread with a hole in the center back in the box with a sigh.

       The Perfect Soldier and Wufei each tried the coffee, which was immediately spat back into the cups. "Coffee is luke warm and extremely bitter," Heero reported, placing the cup in the middle of the table. "Could probably be used as fuel for the gundams though."

       "So much for a break. Lunch better be edible or I'm brown bagging it tomorrow," the Chinese teen grumbled which actually didn't sound like a half bad idea to his friends. 

       There was only one thing far worse than the food, and the unhappy boy band members were about to meet her in less than twenty minutes. Cyn Ikle, the insane wardrobe lady. The teens could hardly imagine what she was going to force them to wear. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too traumatizing.

       "This mission is hell. And the sick thing this is we get to do it all over again tomorrow," the braided-haired teen sighed glumly. 

       Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.      

       "Um guys?" Duo said cringing at the fact his friends just slammed their heads on the tabletop. At least no one spilled the nuclear coffee, which could have been rather fatal. 

       "Don't remind us Duo, I mean DJ. We've been ridiculed non-stop today except for Tro-eh Travis," the blonde groaned as he sat face down on the table with the other three pilots.  "Speaking of which, how come you can actually resemble singing?" he inquired of the tall teen, lifting his head up to listen to the boy's answer.

       Picking his head up from the table as well, Trowa shrugged replying, "When you're bored out of your mind at work you tend to pick up some habits which make the work go faster, and singing was one of them."

       Dazedly the others nodded. It was still very early which made their exhaustion even worse. At least the dance lessons weren't next. It'd be very likely that all five of them would fall flat on his face. Then again, they'll probably do that no matter what time the practice was. 

       "All right boys! Time to get to wardrobe!" George enthusiastically shouted, startling the five teens that had just fallen asleep.

       With collective groans, Xtreme! rose from the plastic chairs and stumbled off to the room, which they dubbed as "The Torture Chamber."

*~*~*~*

       Upon entering the room, all the pilots wanted to do was leave immediately. Instead they each took a deep breath, and forced themselves to endure what was to come. 

       "Hi guys!" Cyn cheerily said with a little hand wave. "Come on in and don't worry about Mr. Bitkiss, he won't bite." 

       "Um, who's Mr. Bitkiss?" Quatre asked knowing he was probably better off not knowing and was he ever correct!

       "My pet tarantula silly. Ladybird is also around here somewhere, she's my boa constrictor but somehow got loose this morning. Don't worry, I left some mice in her happy little home, so she should return soon hopefully," the red-head grinned as the five pilots turned various shades of white in fear of either the giant spider or the snake. Just whom were they dealing with that allowed a full-grown snake to roam free?! Even Trowa appeared to be a little tense. Probably because no one knew exactly where the reptile was hiding, which gave reason for alarm. 

       Popping her pink bubble gum, Cyn shook her head as she inspected the boys. Crossing her arms over her lime green tank top which was teamed up with white pants and lime green heels with a hot pink scarf around her neck the woman bluntly said, "You know what, those outfits are all wrong. We need to fix that now."

       The reaction the woman's judgment did not exactly go over well with the pilots who each reacted in their own way. Duo gulped, Heero threw a death glare, Trowa blinked, Quatre winced and Wufei grumbled, "baka onna," under his breath.

       Unsurprisingly, Cyn did not pay any attention to them and decided to choose her first victim to play dress-up with. "Chase Evers, please come with me. The rest of you boys can look through the clothing ideas and such."

       The Perfect Soldier appeared slightly stunned at being chosen first but with a grunt, followed the woman to a different part of the room. 

       "Let's see. You're the clubby boy huh. Well, hun, we need to do something about your look. It just cries eh, depressed and suicidal. Not something you want to be portrayed as, especially for a boy band!" the redhead rambled on while Heero bore a death glare through her back as she continued talking. "You're pretty quiet huh. The girls love that. So we need to make you into a sensitive yet fun guy."

       Quickly, Cyn pulled a few hangers off of the rack, and tossed them to the Prussian blue-eyed teen. "Put these on and we'll see what develops," she chirped.

       'No."

       "Chase do as I say now or else and don't you dare think I don't know how to handle you tough guy types that turn into jerks if they don't get their way! If you do not do as I say then I'll turn your life into a living nightmare and don't you even think I can't do it because I have the power. I am the wardrobe coordinator after all. So either put that on or it's going to be fuzzy sweaters with high water pants for you buddy boy!" she snarled narrowing her gaze to the Perfect Soldier who actually appeared stunned that the woman had threatened him over clothing!

       With a head nod, Heero decided to retreat to the small changing room without argument. He was too tired to deal with confrontation not to mention Quatre had confiscated his gun during the vocal lessons. 'Damn you Quatre.' 

       A few seconds later a very unhappy Heero Yuy emerged from the curtained room decked out in his new look. Now he was glad the Sandrock pilot had taken his gun from him. The dark-haired teen would have probably shot himself in the head at this moment.   

       Grimly, Heero tried to walk in the thick-heeled boots teamed up with black leather pants that felt one size too small and a large short-sleeved, shiny blue button down shirt, which he purposely left untucked. 

       "There's my clubby boy!" Cyn shouted, hopping up and down as Heero rolled his eyes. "Let's see, shirt looks good, the pants are perfect, and now we just need to do something about that hair."

       The Prussian blue-eyed pilot glared, "Touch my hair and die. The shirt is ugly, I can't walk in these boots, and pants are too tight."

       The teenager and the wardrobe lady practically had a staring contest as they glared at each other. Finally she broke off.

       "Fine, we'll leave the hair. It gives you some mystery anyway, but the clothes stay and that is final. Send DJ Mitchells in. I'm done with you," Cyn sharply spoke, pointing towards the door.

       With a grunt, Heero stalked out of the room and back to his friends. "Say anything and die. Duo you're up now."

       "Me? Aw crap," the braided teen muttered as he got up from his chair, pouting.

       "Watch it with her. She seems to have a split personality," the stoic pilot warned his friend who nodded, glumly slumping to the Heero just left.

       "A split personality? And she seemed so insanely sweet," Quatre said with a tone of shock in his voice.

       "The woman has quite a few screws loose. Believe me," Heero grumbled, crossing his arms disgustedly, leaning against the bright green wall.

       Wufei glanced down at the tarantula's cage. "Hey, where's Mr. Bitkiss?"

       "Uh oh."

*~*~*~*

       "All right, my wild, fun loving DJ, try these on for me," Cyn grinned as the teen look the pile of clothes. 

       "Um, am I supposed to be from some strange jungle or something?" Duo questioned the woman with raised eyebrows. 'At least it's not pink.'

       "DJ, such a kidder, now go!" the red-haired shouted, showing fits of anger.

       "Eep! Okay!" the braided-haired teen gulped as he raced to the dressing room. 

       A few minutes later, the teen emerged from the room appearing very self-conscious. 

       "Wow! You look good!" Cyn cried out grinning as she inspected Duo's outfit consisting of red leopard print pants, and a black shirt underneath a white and red splotchy shirt with black shoes. 

       "Ehh," was the petrified pilot's only response. The poor teenager did not feel like himself anymore even though he did have a little bit of black on. The pants just weren't doing anything for him. 

       Carefully the woman walked around the room. "Hmm, it's missing something though." Abruptly, she grabbed a pair of red tinted glasses and shoved them on the pilot's face. "There! We'll work on the hair later. I'm thinking purple highlights! Anyway, send Travis Sharp, well ya?"

       With a wince, Duo trotted out of the room to alert Trowa of his torture session. Unfortunately, the longhaired pilot was not alone. 

       "Hey, Travis. You're up!" Duo said sounding extremely bored. Suddenly the teen began giggling. 

       "Um, Duo, are you okay?" the blonde asked looking a little unsure of his friend as Trowa walked off to endure his own torture session.

      The cobalt blue-eyed teen started squirming, "Something is tickling me!"       

       The three remaining boy band members exchanged glances having a slight idea what it was, and neither of them wanted to go near it.

       Finally Duo reached behind his back and pulled off the offending object, which turned out to be none other than Mr. Bitkiss. Poor Duo turned stark white as he screamed, staring in horror at the giant spider crawling on his hand. "AHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" 

       With a sigh, Heero stalked over to his frantic friend, tripping once thanks to the new shoes, and grabbed the spider quickly, tossing it in its cage. 

       Wufei snickered as he leaned his back against the wall declaring that had to have been the most entertaining moment of his life. 

*~*~*~*

       Trowa and Quatre managed to get through the wardrobe changes without too much conflict. After Heero's warning and the fact that both the 01 and 02 pilots could not change the woman's mind, they decided what's the use in arguing? 

       The tall green-eyed teen was now dressed in baggy, yellow nylon sweat pants with a black tank top, white and yellow athletic shoes, and blue and his underwear hanging much to Trowa's dismay. 

       The blonde Arabian was now decked out in, a bright green vinyl jacket, a white dress shirt, and blue jeans with black boots.

       Unfortunately when it came time for the Chinese teen to receive his new wardrobe, he was very stubborn which brought extreme chaos to the clothing room. 

       "Onna there is no way I am wearing this! It's injustice!" Wufei grumbled disgustedly.

       Fire suddenly ignited in Cyn's eyes. "Coal, unless you want to change your name to Ash, you'll will put on what I give you no questions asked or else you'll wear nothing but pink! Or better yet, HOW ABOUT A SKIRT?! Huh?! I'll bet that'll make you feel damn manly and don't you dare think I won't do it because, honey, you haven't seen anything yet!"

       The Chinese teen stared definitely at the woman who began rummaging through the racks and pulled out on orange skirt with a hot pink tank top and a white feather boa. 

       Interestingly, Wufei turned stark white and stomped off to the dressing room mumbling something about the evils of PMS. 

       A few minutes later the grumpy pilot walked out of the dressing room clad in black vinyl tank top, combat boots, and large black jeans with an army print bandana tied around his waist and another one around his head.

       "Looking good, Coal,"  the redhead smirked. "We need to give you a tattoo though."

       "Injustice! There is no way am I getting a tattoo!" the Altron pilot sternly stated, crossing his arms. 

       Cyn turned to the makeup counter behind her and pulled out a few dog tags and a thin strip of paper. 

       "Calm down Coal. Here, put these on, and we'll get your tattoo going right now," she said, handing him the necklaces which the teen reluctantly put on. Quickly she grabbed his arm, and rubbed some liquid over it before pressing the paper against his skin. Upon removing it, Wufei found a strange design on his arm. 

       "Wait, what is this?" he inquired, as the woman pulled another liquid and finally a powder over it. 

       "Just something in Chinese," she shrugged.

       The teen scoffed at her answer. "You dare dishonor my culture! That is not Chinese! I'm Chinese and that does not mean anything! It's just some weird symbol!"

       "Then it's probably some other language. Get out of here," Cyn sighed as she pointed towards the door. 

       "Hmph!" Wufei snorted as he stomped out of the room, making a mental note to put the woman on his bad list. 

*~*~*~*

       "You know, that has got to be the most annoying onna I have ever meet!" The Chinese teen announced upon meeting the other pilots again.             

       "Whoa! Wu-man got a tattoo?!" Duo cried out as the other teens blinked at the thing plastered to the furious pilot's arm. 

       Turning his arm over to inspect the damage, Wufei muttered, "It's temporary." Suddenly he felt something land on his shoulder. Taking one look at his friends, the pilot knew it was not good. Risking a glance, Wufei screamed, as he realized, that it was Ladybird, Cyn's boa constrictor who decided to stop by and great the frantic teen. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

       Quietly, Trowa crept up to Wufei, and freed him from the snake before it completely wrapped itself around the boy band member. 

       Carefully, the green-eyed teen laid the snake back in it's is cage and closed it. "Crisis is now over." 

       "Um, can we please get out of here before another one of Miss Ickle's pets decide to visit us?!" Quatre squeaked nervously, not loving the idea of any exotic animals touching him. 'Why could she have had a dog, or a bird or even a cat?!'

       With silent nods, the five teenagers left the room. Besides it was almost time for lunch, and then more paper work and finally dance lessons. Someone put them out of their misery!

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Sorry for this being so late but a lot has gone on. Anyway, updates won't be as soon as they used to be for about a month because I'm flying to Washington State to see my mom Tuesday. I'll try to update once every two weeks if possible but I have to share a computer not to mention I'm probably going to be very busy. 

Um, thank you for the reviews and that's it for now. 

Next Time... More paper work or maybe dance lessons. Depends on scheduling. Whatever it is will be hell.

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

by

Sailor Janus

::we see SJ waddling inside the studio looking like she put on quite a few pounds before she suddenly crashes to the ground on her face::

SJ: x_x No one told me bulletproof vests were so heavy! Over course I am wearing two of three. Ugh. There has to be an easier way to conduct an interview with trigger happy Heero Yuy. -_-

::struggling to climb to her feet, SJ sees her plane tickets and gets an idea::

*~*~*~*

A Few Hours later

SJ: Okay, Heero since I nearly killed myself wearing those bulletproof vests, I'm going to have you walk through this lovely metal detector. I promise, you'll get back everything after the show. ^_^

Heero: Hn. ::reluctantly he empties his pockets of various handguns and ammunition before walking through it, successfully::

SJ: Good, and so you don't feel out of it without your gun, here's a water pistol. ^_^

Heero:: ::blinks::

SJ: Just take it -_-

::notices camera is on as she takes her seat::

SJ: Hi! And welcome to another great episode of Interview with a Gundam Pilot! Today's guest is that trigger happy 01 Wing Zero pilot himself, Heero Yuy! So Heero, how are you today?"

Heero: Hn.

SJ: -_-;; ::mutters:: I can see this is going to be like pulling teeth. ^_^ I'll take that as a fine. 

Heero: ...

SJ: Anyway, let's start this interview up shall we? ^_^

Heero: ....

SJ: Ehh, Okay first question is, where exactly do you keep your gun? I mean sometimes it seems like it  appears out of nowhere!

Heero: Hn.

SJ: ::sigh:: Just answer the stupid question and stop being so damn stubborn!

Heero: ::death glare::

SJ: ::rolls her eyes:: That doesn't work on me. Either answer my question or we can stay here all day long. ::takes out her drawing and colored pencils::

*~*~*~*

A few hours later

::SJ is nearly finished coloring in her Xtreme! drawing and Heero is still sitting there doing nothing:: 

Heero ::sprays SJ's drawing with the water gun:: Fine, let's get this over with.

SJ: O.O .....Ee...my.....drawing....IT'S RUINED! ::tears well up in her eyes:: ::glares at Heero, as she tosses her pencils and the paper to the floor. That's it, you guys are going to show up for the unveiling of my real halfway finished Xtreme! drawing which I'll post in my profile. 

Heero: Hn.

SJ: Answer to my question please. Where do you keep your gun?

Heero: The same place you'd keep it if you wore a baggy tank top and spandex shorts. Under the waistband of my shorts concealed by my shirt. 

SJ: ::blinks:: You know that does make sense. Okay, what is the deal with the spandex shorts and the green tank top?

Heero: I like green and this was all Dr. J gave me as far as clothes goes. Everything else I had to steal or was given. Not to mention it's easier to fight in a tank top and spandex shorts. They aren't too restricting.

SJ: Uh huh, why do you talk in a monotone why?

Heero: Blame Dr. J. but also it keeps people from really understanding how you are  feeling. Masking your emotions if you will.

SJ: ::looks at her notes:: Why are you so gun happy? 

Heero: Gun happy? ::blinks:: Quickest way of eliminating an enemy. And a Gundam pilot acquires a lot of them.

SJ: ::smirks:: Do you sleep with your gun?

Heero: O.o;; 

SJ: You do, don't you... just like a teddy bear! ::frowns:: A lethal teddy bear that makes a big noise. -_- 

Heero: ::blinks:: ::glares::

SJ: Come on Heero, admit it. You sleep with your gun! ^_^

Heero: ::growls:: Fine. Under my pillow in case anyone tried to kill me in my sleep.    -_-

SJ: Okay, now what is your real name? 

Heero: ::grumbles:: Owen Hayes.

SJ: ::blinks:: Really? 

Heero: ::nods::

SJ: *yeah, uh huh.* Why do you always say 'omae o korosu,' or 'I will kill you,' or 'I will destroy you' depending on the version.

Heero: I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

SJ: ::blinks::  Um, Heero, you're unarmed. What are you going to do, drown me with the water gun? hehe ^_^

Heero: Hn, I don't suppose you sleep with a gun.

SJ: O_o;;; Eh no, but I have a nice heavy bow staff that I could probably knock you senseless with. Of course now that I think of it, that's like bringing a knife to a gun fight -_-;;;

Heero: Hn. 

SJ: Can you tell me anyway? Everyone is really dying to know! I'll even cut the interview shorter!

Heero: ::rolls his eyes:: Which sounds worse. 'I'm going to hurt you' or 'I'm going to kill you'?

SJ: ::blinks:: The kill one. Wait, that's an intimidation tactic! You're throwing your opponent off by threatening their life, which gives you the upper hand! Wow! 

Heero: ::nods::

SJ: Yay! See I am smart after all! ^_^ 

Heero: Hn. If you say so. 

SJ: ::glares:: And what is that supposed to mean?!

Heero: Nothing.

SJ: ::sulks in her chair until she finally realizes what Heero meant:: You mean Duo and Wufei's interviews don't you? I knew about their fake answers, hehe

Heero: ::blinks:: How?

SJ: ::smirks:: Well, Odin Lowe Jr, which was your name before Heero Yuy, yet that is not your real name either. You like Duo and supposedly Trowa which might actually be Triton, are nameless. All orphaned. Except maybe Trowa who lost his family.

Heero: Explain.

SJ: Gladly. ::stands up and begins pacing:: Wufei point blank, does not care for me. I had to kidnap him for the interview after all so I knew he wouldn't tell the truth through the entire interview. Duo, however is a prankster not to mention that he was still ticked off at me for smacking him over the head with the cookie platter. This explains why he wouldn't fully tell the truth. Quatre and Trowa would not lie because 1, Quatre is nice, and 2 Trowa is polite. You on the other hand Mr. Yuy, are very secretive. I am quite amazed that you have actually told me what you did, but then again, that may be false as well. Either that or the truth serum really did work except we spent so much time waiting for you to speak that it wore off towards the end. And that my friend is the answer! ::bows::

Heero: Hn. So what were the real answers?

SJ: ::takes a deep breath:: Duo wears the priests outfit to honor the people who died during the Maxwell Church Massacre, namely Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, which is where he also got his last name since he was last nameless. Years before Duo adopted his first name after his best friend Solo died from the L2 plague, thus for one to be two they must be a Duo which is where he got the first name. Duo of course is very sentimental which is why he probably did not want to mention the true answer if he really was not pulling a prank after all. 

Heero: ::blinks::

SJ: ::takes another deep breath:: Wufei generally speaking does not like me so any question that had any sort of value to him, he told a fake answer so he did not appear weak. He named nicknamed his gundam Nataku for both the Chinese Goddess of Justice, which is was Nataku means and his deceased wife Meiran whom he believed was the reincarnation of Nataku. Since these are women, he didn't want to appear weak since he asks them for strength. ::collapses due to lack of oxygen:: x_x

Heero: ::blinks::

::A few seconds later SJ is back on her feet:: 

SJ: Uhh, I feel woozy. Anyway, I'm out of time so tune in next week for my..... what? ::talks to producer:: You mean I'm just monitoring basically? ::turns back to camera:: Okay, tune in next week for the Gundam Pilot's interviewing each other. Oh geez this could be scary. Someone bring aspirin! -_-;; 

Duo: Okay! ^_^

SJ: o.O;;;; NO! Anyone but Duo can bring aspirin! ::thinks better of it:: Um, Quatre or Trowa can bring the aspirin as long as they aren't borrowing it from Duo!

Duo: ::grumbles as he walks off:: 

Heero: Hn.

SJ: Oh well, at least I can unveil my Xtreme! picture ^_^           

Heero: ::aims water pistol at SJ: Omae o korosu ::sprays her with water::

SJ: -_-;;  ::spits out water:: Cut!

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Yep, you heard me. by the time the next chapter is out, I'll have my lovely Xtreme! Pic in my profile. Unless something goes wrong -_-;;

Okay, I have read parts of Episode Zero, just every site I went to did not have Wufei. As far as Duo goes, I knew he wouldn't tell the truth. The guy is deeper than he looks/acts. He just hides it all. Anyway, I was planning on humorous answers. ::shrugs::

Okay, the next ep is going to be insane. Pilots frying each other! I need suggests on the most off the wall questions our little pilots could ask each other. After that I'll take someone's suggestion and move a few other people in. But I need crazy off the wall questions! Either leave them in the reviews or send to me at sailorjanus@hotmail.com. Well, see if this work or not, lol.

Hopefully in two weeks the next chapter will be up, but I am going on vacation for a month not to mention am forced to share a computer. Ehh. At least I can bring my disks.

Next Time All five Gundam Pilots.

SJ: O.O;; What am I thinking?!


	6. National Insult Day

Mission X Part 6

National Insult Day

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

       The five gundam pilot boy band members trudged down the lime green hallway to a small cafeteria with very evident expressions of displeasure painted on their faces.

       So far the day proved to be a complete disaster, which sadly, was not even close to being finished yet. Not by far. 

       Perhaps food would do the disgruntled boys some good. Then again...

*~*~*~*

       Wufei stared at the sloop plastered on a Styrofoam plate which graced the cheap plastic tray consisting of a beat up juice box, a plate of some debatable substance, a bowl of what appeared to be a salad of a questionable mixture and a stale piece of bread. "What the hell is this stuff?! This is injustice!"

       Um... I have no idea," Quatre cringed as he blinked at the 'lunch.' "Is that chicken or potatoes?"

       The cobalt blue-eyed teen gagged. "I don't know about you guys, but even I can't touch this stuff!"

       Shoving away his tray, Heero nodded as he agreed, "Affirmative. Identification of this meal is impossible."

       "This stuff is positively frightening," the tallest member of the group stated as he pushed around a strange yellow substance on his plate. Were they trying to kill them or something?!

       The blonde Arabian wrinkled his nose at the meal, gaping in shock as the salad slid through the fork. "Uh, I think I'll pack a lunch tomorrow."

       Sniffing the food, Duo made choking noises, pushing his tray away as well. "Ditto."

       "Might as well have served rancid milk with cockroach sandwiches and a side of mealworm soup," the Perfect Soldier droned, growing increasingly irritated over the day's events.

       Everyone excluding Heero, turned a slight shade of green granted by the stoic boy's lovely meal description as they looked at their own lunch before sliding it to the center of the table.

       "Thank you for the great visual He-eh, Chase! It's just what I needed! So please excuse me as I empty the contents of my stomach on this handy economical tray!" the braided-haired teen flatly stated, glaring at his friend.

       Wufei raised an eyebrow as he said, "Actually that might be an improvement to this unjustified meal."

       "Ugh, I don't feel so good!" Quatre groaned weakly, feeling queasy over the insect food and vomit discussions.

       Trowa nodded his head in agreement. "I've completely lost my appetite."

       What's wrong boys? Don't like the food?" George questioned the teens who couldn't decide on how to answer.

       Nervously Quatre smiled as he said, "Like is not exactly the word." Hesitantly he glanced at the table before adding, "Uh, do you have any vending machines? Du-DJ needs his junk food fix."

       "I do? I mean of course I do! Without junk food I can't be my usual hyper self!" Duo rambled, realizing that prepackaged snacks may be the only edible food in the entire building.

       Sorry boys, but you're out of luck," the manager shrugged as the five weary pilots swore they could have burst into tears, well at least one would actually admit it. "We do have some donuts left over from breakfast if you want."

       "Gee, wonder why," Duo sarcastically, muttered under his breath, crossing his arms in disgust. 

       "Oh, by the way. You need to report to my office after break. My secretary has been mumbling something about your illegible handwriting," George threw over his shoulder as he left for his office.

       "Our illegible handwriting? Don't tell me we have to redo those insidious forms!" Heero grumbled, feeling nauseous over the news and the odors reeking off of the lunch.

       "Either that or there's a whole new book we have to write," the tallest teen sighed. "I think I'd rather be locked in a room with Cyn's pets than do more paperwork."

       Wufei raised an eyebrow at his green-eyed friend. "You would Barton, but leave the rest of us out since we do not like playing with dangerous animals."

       Silently Trowa nodded as Duo looked helplessly out the star-shaped window.

       "Man I am starving! Think I could make it to a restaurant and back in time?" the braided-haired teen anxiously asked his friends. 

       The blonde Arabian shook his head. "Duo...DJ, the nearest restaurant or grocery store for that matter is two or three miles away.

       "Oh," the pilot replied before adding, "What if I ran really fast?!"

       "DJ, give it up. You wouldn't be able to make it even if you drove. The traffic is terrible right now," the Perfect Soldier said in his usual monotone.

       "This sucks!" Duo grumbled, leaning forward on the chair he was sitting backwards on. 

       Silently the four pilots agreed with their disgruntled friend, rising from the table and moving towards the door to meet their doom in the office of George Columbus. The day seemed to grow worse each passing minute.

*~*~*~*

       A few hours later...

       "Ow, I think I have arthritis!" Duo grumbled, clutching his throbbing, ink stained hand while leaving the manager's little haven.

       "Hopefully, that's the end of the paperwork," Quatre nodded from behind the group. "What's next?"

       "Dance lessons," Trowa whispered with a frown. Suddenly, everyone around him froze in shock. Dance lessons. How could they?!

       With collective groans, the quintet trudged over to the dance studio section of the building, for their first session with Dan Starz.

*~*~*~*              

       "Okay, boys, I'll show you some simple steps, then you try," the blonde choreographer said as he turned on some music, which thankfully, had no words to it. 

       Unfortunately, after the man began dancing, the pilots knew they were in huge trouble. The dance could appropriately be called cheesy with completely over exaggerated moves. This was going to be torture.

       Once Dan was finished, he turned to the teens and suggested, "Okay, why don't you guys try?"

       Exchanging horrified glances, they stepped forward, deciding they better try to keep this guy happy or he could probably be their worst nightmare, forcing them to do a dance combination that would make the Hokey Poky and Funky Chicken look sophisticated.

       Collectively they took a deep breath as the music began, and wished they could have died right there.

       The first move was taking exaggerated steps forward while doing some strange arm gestures. This proved to be a huge problem for Trowa who had the hardest time keeping his friends from stepping on his huge dragging pants legs, promptly pulling them almost completely down, revealing his bright blue boxers. 

       "DJ! Get off my pants!" The tall teen ordered his friend who at that moment smacked Quatre in the face, doing one of the hand movements.

       Rubbing his face Quatre cried out, "Ow! DJ! Watch your arms!"

       "Sorry, but these sleeves are really stiff!" the braided-haired teen grumbled, yanking on the large shirt as the 01 and 05 pilots collided into each other.

       "Watch it Yu- you Evers boy!" the Chinese Teen muttered resulting in a death glare as the group lifted one leg really high resulting in the Arabian, kicking Trowa in the butt.

       "Hey! Ali!" the tall teen cried out, not expecting to be kicked.

       Blushing with embarrassment Quatre chirped, "Uh sorry," as he stepped on Duo's foot causing the braided-haired teen to yelp and run into Heero, "Sorry!"        

       "Me too," Duo sighed, backing away from the trigger happy pilot, and into Trowa as the green-eyed teen took a step forward causing the circus performer to lose his pants once again. 

       "DJ!" the boy shouted, trying to yank his large pants back up as the chestnut brown-haired teen skipped away, nearly colliding into Quatre again.

       Next came a spin which caused Wufei to trip over his own feet thanks to his heavy combat boots, and land on his face. "Injustice!" the Chinese pilot yelled, as he looked disgustedly at the floor. 

       "This is so humiliating," Heero grumbled, as he did a small jump along with the others, trying his hardest to keep the 02 pilot away from him.

       "It could be worse," the blonde shrugged, as they a move in which the boys jumped into a horse riding stance. 

       RIIIIIP!       

       Heero, bore a deathly glare into the wall in front of him as he straightened up, ignoring the dance music, grumbling curses under his breath. "You just had to say that."

       Blinking Quatre glanced at the 01 pilot as the others, too ended their dance routine, trying not to laugh, silently shaking. "Hee- eh, Chase, did you just split your pants?"

       "Yes. Any of you laugh, and I kill you, no questions asked. I told that wardrobe lady they were too tight!" the Prussian blue-eyed teen muttered, as he tugged his shirt way over his butt, as Duo was close to tears trying his hardest not to burst out laughing.

       Dan, however, found none of it funny. "You five are pathetic!" he shouted, frowning at the boy band. "I want all of you to practice five times a day! Here are the steps to the dance. Memorize them."

       Quickly, he shoved a stack of papers in the pilots' faces before stomping out of the room. 

       "And he seemed to be the most well adjusted of the group," Trowa shrugged, starring at the paper. 

       "Welcome to National Insult Day," Duo flatly said, adjusting the red tinted sunglasses that were barely on his face.

       "Let's see, we can't sing, dress, dance, and have lousy penmanship," the blonde named off as everyone glanced tiresomely at the floor.

       Sarcastically Duo stated as he flipped through the stack of papers trying to avoid Heero, "My self-esteem is really high. How about you guys?" 

       "At it's peak," the 03 pilot nodded, crossing his arms in front of him before tugging his falling pants back up with a small growl.

       Finally Duo couldn't take it anymore. "HAHAHAHAHA! Heero split his pants! HEHEHEHE! That was great!" he cackled practically rolling on the floor with laughter, which quickly faded as he felt a death glaring burning through the back of his head. "Uh oh."

       "OMAE O KOROSU!" a seething Heero Yuy shouted with a murderous look in his blue eyes. 

       Quickly, the braided-haired pilot began backing up, "Eh heh, Heero, um, you don't have your gun, you can't..."  Duo mumbled as the gun-happy teen began making a choking gesture with his hands. Like lightening, Duo took off racing down the halls with Heero trailing him. "EEP! HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPP!"       

       "Well, at least the day is over," Quatre sighed as a huge crash echoed down the halls followed by the sound of the Perfect Soldier cursing.

       Curiosity getting the best of them, the three remaining pilots left the dance studio to investigate, discovering a fuming Heero Yuy sprawled at the foot of the stairs with an exasperated Duo Maxwell, slowly returning from wherever he tried to seek refuge at. 

       "I am going to shoot these boots," the dark-haired boy grumbled as Trowa and Wufei helped him to his feet. 

       "We, better go home and get sleep. I have this sick feeling, that tomorrow is going to be just as bad," the Chinese teen stated, as the group of Gundam Pilots quietly, left the recording studio, relieved that the day was finally over. Unfortunately, there was still tomorrow.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Woo Hoo! I'm back! Sorry, this took so long but I went on vacation (red eye flights suck!) and my lovely Word program would not to comply to the computer I was using. -_-;;

Instead I had to write everything in notebooks. O.O 

Oh, the 'lunch' was actually my airplane food. That stuff was scary! The best part of the meal was the little dessert. 

Um, can't think of much else. So on with the short story! 

Next Time

The surprise meeting....fear for our pilots O.O;;

Now

       Interview With a Gundam Pilot

Announcer: Interview With a Gundam Pilot will be postponed for a latter date to bring you....

       Eyes Wide Browed

::camera zooms into to everyone's favorite funky eye browed blonde::

Dorothy: Hello, and welcome to my show! I am Dorothy Catalonia. ^_^

Audience: ::blink:: O.O ::gets up to leave::

Dorothy: ::glares:: This is my show and you will watch or else I'm going to get Quinze out here! 

Audience: O.O;;;;; ::returns to seats:: ^_^;;;

Dorothy: Ahem, Anyway, everyone has been asking me how my eyebrows became this beautiful. ^_^

Duo: ::gags:: ::coughyeahrightcough:: 

Dorothy: Grrr ::throws a dictionary at Duo which promptly smacks him in the head and knocks him silly::

Duo: x_x 

Dorothy: As I was saying-

Duo: ::in a dazed state:: Tweeeeezzzeeeeerssss....Tweeeeeezzzeeeeersss x_x

Dorothy: ::scowls at Duo:: Excuse me ^_^ ::gets up and grabs a roll of duct tape::

Duo: Tweeeezzeeeeerssssss..... Tweee-Mph! O.O;;; 

Dorothy ::smirks at her success of silencing Duo:: 

Wufei: Wow! You shut Maxwell up! Incredible! Well, you marry me... um after you tweeze your eyebrows? ^_^

Dorothy: O_O ::snaps out of her stupefied state:: Tweeze? ::fire appears in her eyes as she begins beating Wufei senseless with her chair::

Wufei: O.o;;; Ow! Onna! Knock it off baka! 

Dorothy: I ::bam:: am ::wack:: not ::clunk:: going ::thud:: to ::munch:: tweeze ::smash:: my ::crack:: EYEBROWS!

Wufei: x_x ::twitch:: 

Quatre: O.O ::blink:: That's got to hurt. 

Trowa: ::blink blink::

Heero -_- Hn.

Dorothy: ^_^  Before I was rudely interrupted, I got my lovely eyebrows-

Duo: ::yanks tape off:: Tweezers!

Dorothy:  ::glares and shoves a pair of sweat socks in Duo's mouth:: As I-

Duo: ::spits the socks out:: Tweezers!

Dorothy: ::fuming by now:: ::Grabs a metal platter and throws it Frisbee style to the braided-haired teen's head, making contact his forehead. Instant knock out:: 

Duo: x_x

Quatre: O.O Has Dorothy been auditioning for Sailor Moon or something? That was a great throw!

Heero: Hn. At least it wasn't sharp. Then we'd need auditions for 02's role. -_-

Quatre: O.o;;;;

Trowa: O.o;;;; Um, think we should get them out of there? Wufei must have at least a concussion if not a need for a full body cast.

Heero: Right. Quatre, you go first.

Quatre: O.O;;; Me?! Why me?!

Trowa: You're the kindest. We know we can't send Heero out first, the probability of death would be too high.

Quatre: But..but... her eyebrows scare me! Why does Dorothy have her own show anyway?!

Heero: SJ is on vacation, lazy baka.

Trowa: ::whispers:: You know, Dorothy really needs to do something about her eyebrows. They look awful.

Dorothy: ::spins around and growls:: I heard that circus freak! ::in anger she throws her coffee cup at Trowa which smashes into his head knocking him to the ground::

Quatre: O.O;;  Trowa! Are you okay?! 

Trowa: @.@ ::blinks:: Who are you?

Quatre: ::eyes well up with tears:: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: -_- Hn. Three down. 

Quatre: O.o;;;

Trowa: ::looks frantically around:: Who am I? Where am I? 

Quatre: ::sigh:: 

Dorothy: Ahem! My perfect eyebrows came from-

Duo: Inbreeding ::snickers:: ^_^

Dorothy: THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW DUO MAXWELL! ::eyes burning red as she reaches for a weapon::

Duo: Eep! When am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut?! HELP! COCKROACH WOMAN IS GONNA HURT ME! O.O;;;; 

Heero: Hn. We better go.

Quatre: Right. 

Trowa: Huh? Go where?! Who are you people?!

Heero and Quatre: ::sigh::

::the gundam pilots begin creeping back stage when suddenly a lever catches Trowa's eye:: 

Trowa: Hey, what does this do? ::pulls lever and suddenly Dorothy falls through the floor. The audience stands up and applauds::

Duo: You love me! You really love me! ^_^

::the rest of the pilots walk on stage and drag their two injured friends away as a furious Dorothy began pounding on the stage where she is trapped::

Dorothy: HEY! Let me out of here you freaks! ::sighing she pulls a bottle from her pocket:: At least I stole Maxwell's medicine. Damn those idiots gave me a headache! ::reads the company label as she pulls out her water bottle from her purse:: Hmm, Munch & Ken's. Never heard of them.

*~*~*~*

A few hours later....

Chibi Dorothy: AHHHHH! I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE PILOTS! AND AND I'm Afwad of da dark! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  ```U.U````

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Okay, that was just strange, but I had to improvise because my scanner broke and I need to get a new one in order to do the next ep of Interview With a Gundam Pilot. The next ep, I should have it hopefully, if not, then there should be something resembling humor here.

       That was just strange, lol. Anyway, I hope it was at least a little bit funny. Sorry if your favorite pilot namely, Duo and Wufei got a little beaten up but Duo got Dorothy in the end, lol. 

       Oh if you have not read Don't Drink the Water! That is where the reference to the Munch & Ken's company as well as Dorothy's age reduction comes from. ^_^

Until then!

Next Time....

Hopefully, Interview With a Gundam Pilot will return.


	7. Deranged Arrangements

Mission X Part 7

Deranged Arrangements

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview with a Gundam Pilot

       It was once again extremely early in the morning and which unfortunately meant that the Gundam Pilots were forced to go to their newest nemesis, So-Duh Pop Records. All was far from peaceful in the apartment of Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell.

*~*~*~*

       "Heero, you can't bring a bazooka!" Quatre shouted as he struggled with the angry 01 pilot who had a great urge to blow up the joint in order to end the ridiculous mission. 

       "Quatre, get your hands off me before I kill you," the Perfect Soldier growled. They were already having enough problems with Duo as it was which Trowa and Wufei were dealing with at the moment. 

       The blonde tried to tug the weapon out of the Heero's grasp, "Look, do you really want to kill some innocent people over the fact that you had a minor embarrassing moment?!"

       Blinking, the Prussian blue-eyed teen shook his head. "You're right. I need to kill Duo."

       "NO! HEERO!" the Arabian cried out, practically being dragged behind the stoic yet deadly pilot. "You don't need to kill Duo! He laughs at everything!" Quatre rambled, trying to keep the casualty rate as low as possible.

       Elsewhere in the apartment, Wufei and Trowa were having a crisis of their own.

*~*~*~*

       "Maxwell if you do not come out now I'm going to break through this door and make you eat your braid!" the angry Chinese boy bellowed through the door. 

       "NO!" the chestnut brown-haired teen yelled, sitting on his bed with his arms crossed over a long faded gray T-shirt with black boxer shorts. "I am not going and you can't make me!" 

       "Duo, we're in this together. Come out now," the tallest teen softly yet firmly ordered the stubborn pilot on the other side of the door. 

       The Deathscythe Hell Pilot frowned as he glared at the door. "I don't care! That lunatic is gonna make me wear pink! I just know it!"

       "MAXWELL, OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I'M GOING TO FORCE YOU TO FIGHT WITH NATAKU ON FOOT!" Wufei hollered through the door, pounding loudly on it with his fists. "OPEN UP!"

       "Aww, blow it out your nose, Wu-man," Duo muttered under his breath. 'This mission is so stupid and torturing. I don't want to take part in it any more.' 

       Suddenly, the cobalt blue-eyed teen was jolted out of his thoughts by the added voices yelling out through the door, followed by a sight that nearly made him wet his pants. 

       KAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

       "GAAAAAAAHHHH!" Duo screamed as his door exploded thanks to Heero and his handy bazooka, spraying shards of wood around room, as well as the doorknob which almost smacked the stubborn pilot in the head. "What the hell are you people thinking?! The landlord isn't gonna love this!"

       Exchanging glances Wufei and Trowa marched through the demolished remains of the door, into the braided-haired pilot's room. Harshly, they grabbed him by the arms, and dragged poor Duo away.    

       "I'M NOT PAYING FOR THAT!" the chestnut brown-haired teen shouted at the top of his lungs. He knew the fee for replacing the door which, now resembled a spilled box of toothpicks, had to be pricey. "OW! Splinter!"

       "Um, what are we gonna about his clothes?" Quatre inquired, wondering what to do about their comrade's T-shirt and boxers attire.

       "Hn," the Perfect Soldier grunted, tossing a pair of sweat pants and a jacket to Duo, who with a shrug, pulled them on. "That froot loop of a wardrobe woman will probably make us change anyway."

*~*~*~*~*

       Sadly, by the time the reluctant boy band arrived at the studio they were nearly a half hour late thanks to Heero and Duo's little tantrum.

       "Mr. Columbus is not going to like this," Quatre nervously whispered as they approached the large glass doors to the building. 

       Just as they reached the door, the pilots were greeted by a very angry manager wearing a light pink and electric blue suit with white shoes and a glittery purple tie. 

       "You five are late," he growled, staring coldly at his protégées. "Come with me, now," the short man ordered the boys who exchanged glances, wondering what he was going to do.

       Soon they discovered that George was leading them into his office again. This was never a sign. 

       As the man roughly yanked open the door, Duo gulped loudly realizing they were in trouble as Quatre nervously began fidgeting.

       "Take a seat," the manager gruffly said as he walked behind his desk to sit in his large cushy chair. Quietly he pulled out a small stack of papers and almost glared at the five members of the newest boy band. "We need to discuss a little attitude adjustment for you boys."

       The Chinese teen frowned as he heard the news. "Attitude adjustment?! We don't have an attitude problem!" he snorted, crossing his arms in front of him.

       Hn," the Prussian blue-eyed pilot grunted in agreement as he sharply nodded his head without a single emotion on his face.

       Snickering, the braided-haired teen added, "Nope! No problem here!" 

       The other two pilots sat quietly deciding that their opinions probably would not help the situation too well. It seemed that whatever George Columbus's mind was set on, he'd do no matter what they said.

       "Right," the man scoffed as he read off several papers in front of him which were provided to him, courtesy of Stan, Cyn, and Dan. "Making a mockery out of yourselves during rehearsals, no effort, stubbornness, ego problems, destroying property, fighting within the group....this is not a formula for a success boy band," rising to his feet the man leaned over the desk and almost growled, "Anyway, you boys are under contract with us and you will hit it big, IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU DO!"

       Duo gulped loudly, as Wufei stared in shock at the Jekyll/Hyde performance that their manager just did. Quatre sunk down in his chair as Trowa and Heero both blinked, unable to believe this guy.

       The man then began to pace. "I have decided that we need to monitor you five closely so all of you will be move into the house right behind the studio. This way, we can keep track of you, and there cannot be any excuses for being late. As of today, that shall be your new residence." Pausing in front of his desk drawer, George pulled it open and retrieved five sets of keys bounded by brightly colored key chains. "Here are the keys. We'll give you time during lunch to look at your new living quarters but now you must report to Stan for more vocal lessons. Good day."

       Getting the hint, the pilots silently each took a set of keys with his 'name' on it and left the room. 

       "Great, now I feel like going 'Yes, drill sergeant SIR!" Duo grumbled as he twirled the keys around his index finger. "I wonder what the joint is gonna look like."

       "If it resembles this place, I believe we are in trouble," the tall teen softly said as  Duo cringed in thought. 

       "Just what I always wanted, to be bullied by a bubble gum pop creator," Heero said in a monotone with a deathly glare.

       Quatre shrugged trying to find a little light in their situation. "It could have been a lot worse."

       This single sentence granted the blonde a scoff from the black-haired teen. "We can't define worse until we see the place. Somehow I have a sick feeling that we're going to wish we never agreed to this ridiculous mission."

       "Hn. Has anyone actually seen the house?" the Perfect Soldier questioned his friends who glumly shook their heads. "This is not a good sign."

       The five teenagers continued to contemplate what their new residence was going to be like as they trudged through the hallway to the music studio.

*~*~*~*

       Slowly, the five gundam pilots entered one of their least favorites rooms in the building.

       "It's about time! Take a seat. We're going to try something different this time," Stan crisply said as the boy band filed in the room and sat in their respective chairs as the frustrated man forced several papers in their hands.

       Tiresomely, Duo glanced at the written words on his own copy and frowned. "Wait a minute. What is this?! You can't be serious about us singing this!" Nervously he began to chuckle, looking pleadingly at their instructor.        

       Curiously, his friends inspected their own papers, wondering what was causing their friend's anxiety. 

       "You've got be kidding!" the Chinese teen blurted out as the other did a double take. "This is injustice! There is no way I'm going to sing this...this.... weak music!"

       Heero felt like he was about to crack. There was no way they were going to subject them to this odd style of torture. This had to be the lowest form of humiliation possible. Raising his Prussian blue eyes, the pilot managed to remain emotionless as he glared at Stan. "You do not expect us to actually sing this."

       Unfortunately, to the five teens, the man nodded as he smirked fiendishly. "Since you have no talent, we'll just have to start with the basics and work our way up from there."

       "But-but-but, this is torture! Can't you have us sing something else that is not so...horrible?!" the braided-haired boy babbled with a glimpse of hope in his eyes which faded as Stan began playing the piano. 

       "From the top DJ," the dark-haired, spectacled man ordered the 02 pilot.

       Earnestly, the reluctant long haired, boy band member tried not to groan, slightly wincing as he began to sing, wishing he could sink through the floor_. "Twink-le, twink-le li-ttle star. How I won-der, what you are? Up a-bove the world so high, like a dia-mond in the sky. Twink-le, twink-le, li-ttle star, how I won-der what you are."_

       "Good. I can see you actually did try to practice. Next is Ali. Don't be so timid and sing," Dan sternly spoke as he switched to a different song.

       The blonde gulped as he eyed the music before beginning to sing, _"Row, row, row, your boat. Gent-ly down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream."_

       Nodding, the music man switched to a different song and he praised the Sandrock pilot. "Better, a little louder next time." Flipping over several sheets of music he glanced at the tallest boy band member. "Travis, you're up."

       _"Hickory Dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one The mouse ran down, Hickory Dickory dock,"_ Trowa sang at perfect pitch although he did stumble with a few of the words and seemed the slightly off key, but Dan disregarded it.

       With a groan, the dark-haired pianist realized it was the Chinese teen's turn. "Coal, try to sing."

       Annoyed, Wufei crossed his arms, as he scoffed. "Fine," he mumbled, just wanting to get it over with. Once the music began to, the Altron pilot wished Trieze had killed him. _"Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down. Fall-ing down, fall-ing down. Lon-don Bridge is fall-ing down. My..fair...lady._ Was probably a weak onna." 

       Dan rolled his eyes before motioning for the stoic teenager to sing. One death glare and a grunt later Heero finally did, and wished he had brought his bazooka.

_       "Mary, had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb. Mary had a little lamb. His fleece was white as snow,"_ the Perfect Soldier half spoke and half murmured.

       With a sigh, the music coordinator nodded. "We'll work on it Chase. Now, I want all of you to sing the last one together before I go get some aspirin for this splitting headache."

       After exchanging glances, the five pilots grimaced as the music began to play. This had to be a new torture method.

       _"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o."_

       In the back of the five gundam pilot's minds, they knew had less than a half hour left. Hopefully it would go by very quickly!

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Sorry, it's taken awhile with this one but I was having a hard time coming up with something to pass the time before they visit the house! Hehehe, this is going to be their worst nightmare!

Duo: Is it just me, or is SJ enjoying this a little too much?

Other GW Pilots: She's enjoying it.

Hey! It's just a story. Anyway, thank you for the reviews and keep reading!

Next Time

New living arrangements. This is going to be scary. O.O;;;;

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::SJ is sitting cross legged in a chair bored out of her mind waiting for the Gundam Pilots to show up::

SJ: So bored. School bites. Work sucks. And yeah, that's my life. ::checks her watch:: Where the hell are they?! I have my pretty picture all done and they are no where to be found! -_- 

::suddenly, several guards drag the five resistant pilots in the room who are notably bound and gagged::

SJ: ::blinks:: Didn't like the last interview, huh.

GW Pilots: -_- Mmmmmpppph! 

SJ: Uh yeah, can someone untie them? Careful, they might be a bit hostile. ^_^

Guards: ::grumble as they release the GW pilots::

SJ: Nice to see you five again ^_^

Wufei: Onna! What is the meaning of doing this again?!

Quatre: Good point. Isn't once enough? 

Duo: This sucks!

Wufei: Couldn't you have left Maxwell gagged? -_-

Duo: ::glares:: Shut up Wu-man!

Heero: ::pulls out gun and aims it at both Duo and Wufei:: Quiet or I'll kill you both.

Trowa: ...This is starting out well.

SJ: OO;;;; What the hell was I thinking having all five guys together in the same room?!

Quatre: Guys, stop fighting! 

::Suddenly a Chibi sized Dorothy runs into the room::

Chibi-Dorothy: I'm going to kill you Duo Maxwell! 

GW Pilots: ::glance at Dorothy who is glaring and blinks:: Oo;;;

Trowa: I thought we were past the chibi by medicine gig. 

SJ: Don't look at me! My scanner broke! It's Duo who had the bottle of aspirin in his pocket! 

Duo: Me?! You supplied me with it and Dorothy picked my pocket!  ::crosses his arms and pouts::

SJ: Okay, this is not going the way I hoped. Too much chaos and now I'm getting a headache. -_-;;;;

Duo: Aspirin? ::grins as he holds out the infamous bottle::

SJ: OO;;; NO! ::leaps out of her chair and falls on her face:: Ow....leg fell asleep. 

Wufei: Hn! Baka onna!

SJ: ::sits up and glares:: Anyway, you guys are supposed to be interviewing each other.

Quatre: Really?

SJ: ::nods and takes out her nail file::

Trowa: Then why are you here?

SJ: I'm playing monitor not to mention I have a surprise at the end. ^_^

Duo: Okay, um, question, question, question.....Ah! I can't think!

Wufei: Why does that not surprise me? -_-

Duo: ::glares:: Fine! Wu-man, why are you so obsessed with justice and honor?

Wufei: ::glares:: Why are you so obsessed with your hair?

Duo: I asked you first Wu-man!

Wufei: And why can't you get it through your thick skull that my name is WUFEI!

Quatre: Well, this is going well. -_-;;;;

Heero: Hn. -_-

SJ: Yep, I have no common sense. Probably left the same time I lost my sanity. Or would those two be the same thing?

Quatre: Um, does SJ realize that she's talking to herself again?

Chibi Dorothy: Ha! Looks like those two are gonna to kill each other! Yay! Blood!

SJ: ::glances at Dorothy:: ::blink blink:: Okay, you are frightening even as a five year old. Um, someone please take her to the children's room. I believe we have a few tapes of Barney and Teletubbies for Little Miss Catalonia's viewing pleasure. ::smirks::

Chibi Dorothy: OO;;;;; No! I'm telling my mommy on you! ::two guards grab Chibi Dorothy and haul her off::

SJ: Unless any of you want to join Miss Catalonia in the children's room for a Barney marathon, I'll suggest that you guys settle down. NOW! 

GW Pilots: Oo;;

Duo: Sorry! We'll be good!

Wufei: Yes! We beg for your forgiveness! 

SJ: OO;;; O-kay, I can see you guys don't enjoy children's programming. 

Heero: Hn. I'd rather shove chopsticks through both of my eyeballs.

SJ and other Pilots: Oo;;;

SJ: I see Heero is rather, colorful today. -_-;;;

Duo: Oh, he's like that everyday. -_-

SJ: ::sighs:: You know what? This is really not working. I think I had an easier time dealing with only one of you. -_-;;;

Quatre: So are we free to go?!

SJ: Not yet! I first have to unveil my picture ^_^

Trowa: Oh dear.

Duo: I can't look ::covers his eyes::

Wufei: You're weak Maxwell.

SJ: ::digs around in her bag:: I know it's in here somewhere.....Oh! found it!

GW Pilots: ::pout::

SJ: ::here it is! ::place picture in front of the guys:: Now, I was difficultly trying to get the stupid cheap colored pencils to cooperate, but other than that, what do you think?

GW Pilots excluding Duo who still has his eyes covered: OO;;;;

Heero: What the hell?

Wufei: What do you have me wearing onna?! Injustice!

Trowa: Um, I don't really like purple too well.

Heero: Hn. At least you aren't wearing pink like Duo is.

Duo: OO;;;;WHAT?! ::uncovers his eyes and looks:: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Quatre: Gee, Heero actually looks suicidal.

Trowa: I don't blame him.

Duo: OO;;; Pink.......pink.....she stuck me in pink! 

Wufei: Hehehe, looks like SJ stuck Maxwell in the zebra print pants too! ::smirks::

Duo: ::sulks:: Aw, shut up Army boy.

Wufei: ::mutters:: Braided baka.

SJ: ::snatches picture away before they can destroy it:: Anyway, if you want to the see again, just look for it in my profile ^_^

Heero: Mental note: dismantle computer.

SJ: ::stands up:: okay, I'm gonna have to throw you guys out now, I have books to read, stuff to write, and thank goodness I have Monday off or I'd lose it.

Quatre: Um, isn't this only your second week of school?

SJ: ::glances at Quatre:: And your point is.....

Quatre: Isn't it too soon for a break?

SJ: ::glares::

Wufei: Ha! Baka weak onna can't handle school. 

SJ: OUT NOW OR ELSE! ::points to door as she holds a copy of Barney's Slumber party in the other hand::

GW Pilots: OO;;; ::race out of the room:: 

SJ: I need sleep. ::falls on her face again, completely passed out::

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long, but school has been evil. Books to read, papers to write, poems to create, Spanish to learn, ugh. And if it's not that, it's work. Summer went way too fast. I'm already sleep deprived! Anyway, I hope that was a little humorous if not blame my drained brain. Be sure to check out my Xtreme! pic. I plan on making another one soon for a different reason. ::smirk:: Oh, the picture probably won't be up right away since it needs to be approved ::grumbling is heard:: And of course I had to reduce the size so much that it doesn't look right ::more grumbling:: but if you really want to see it, keep your eye out I guess. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Next Time....

Interview with Zechs Marquise aka Milliardo Peacecraft


	8. Hell House

Mission X Part 8

Hell House

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

         Thankfully, after singing a very strange rendition of "Yankee Doodle" and ending with "It's a Small World," and "Rock-a-bye baby," which sent poor Heero Yuy on a suicidal rampage, trying to shove a ball-point pen through his head, prevented by Quatre and Trowa, the hour finally ceased.

         "That was injustful, forcing us to sing children's songs," Wufei grumbled as he left the room followed by the other pilots who appeared just as satisfied. 

         With a snort Duo added, "Yeah, when he said basics, I didn't think he meant that! That was just....evil."

         "It's over now. Forget it," the Perfect Soldier said in his usual emotionless tone trying to advert his terrified eyes from everyone. That was pure horror for the trigger happy pilot. 

         Soon they found themselves at the small table filled with stale and spoiled food items. 

         Making a face the blonde inquired, "Do you suppose they'd mind if we see our new house now? I'm really not that hungry."

         Exchanging glances, they decided that would be the best plan, after all, the five boy band members were curious about what their new forced living conditions would be like. 

         "We have an hour. Let's go," the green-eyed teen said as they began heading out the back of the door.

         Unfortunately, nothing was as they expected it to be. It was ten times worse.

*~*~*~*

         After tripping over the uneven sidewalk and scaling a chain link fence which snagged Trowa's long pants legs, the five gundam pilots found themselves in front of the most hideous house they had ever seen. 

         "Oh no," Quatre gasped as they stared wide-eyed at the neon green one-story building with electric blue siding. "Um, maybe it won't be so bad inside?"

         Suddenly the five teens took off running at a rapid speed to the house praying to all higher powers that the inside was not as bad as the outside.

         Upon unlocking the door, they discovered they were right. It was much, much worse.

          Electric blue walls stood strikingly out as various ugly looking  pieces of white furniture were scattered about. A bright purple table and chair set stood near a lime green kitchen. 

         "I can't believe George is forcing us to live here! Can I be blind?!" Duo exclaimed, feeling like his eyeballs were about to pop out of his head as Heero stalked off out of the room.

         "The color scheme is rather, um, extreme," the circus performer agreed, blinking repeatedly at the harsh glare cast off of the walls.

         Nodding, Wufei stared blankly at the room, "I think that's an understatement Barton."

         "I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!" the commonly stoic pilot screamed at the top of his lungs startling the other four teens at the outburst.

         "Whoa! What's Heero's problem?!" the braided-haired teen perplexedly said following the others to what was apparently Heero's new bedroom. 

         What the four boy band members saw in their friend's room, they could not believe. It was just too horrible which made them also think about their own respective rooms.

         "Wow! Heero, your room is....sparkly pink!" Duo exclaimed as he gaped at the awful color splattered on the walls of the small room. With various music posters, fuzzy dice, and fake records on the walls. Hanging from the ceiling was a large disco ball. "Why is there glitter on the walls? Did a fairy throw up in here or something?!"

         Quatre blinked at the shininess in the Prussian blue-eyed teen's new room. "I guess they were trying to make your room look um, clubbish. Wonder what ours will look like."

         The others exchanged glances once again fearing what was in their own living quarters. Deciding there was safety in numbers in case there were any 'pets' hidden in the room, the five teens left Heero's glitter room, and went next door to Duo's.

         "Gee, um, Duo. This is really....animal printy," the 04 pilot stammered, as he glanced around the room which included tiger print stripes on the walls and a fake leopard skin comforter on the bed with various odd looking hats and items hanging from the walls.

         "Better keep the animal rights activists away from here. They might mistake you for a poacher or something," Wufei snickered as the braided-haired teen dropped his jaw. The room was definitely not what Duo expected.

         "What the hell were they thinking?! I can't sleep in here! It's oddly, frightening," the cobalt blue-eyed pilot exclaimed, throwing his arms out in the air to emphasize his point. 

         Patting his friend reassuringly on the should Quatre nodded with a wide-eye expression, "I cannot blame you Duo."

         "I get the couch. There is no way possible way that I'm sleeping in that room," Heero announced in a dull monotone.

         "Fine! I'll just take the floor," Duo pouted, crossing his arms over his chest as they trailed after the others to Trowa's room. "Hey Heero, were those fuzzy dice on the mirror?"

         "Hn. Shut  up," the Perfect Soldier grumbled, walking into the Heavyarms pilot's new room, to inspect exactly who received the worse room. 

         Of course, the commonly silent teen's room was very sporty. Various athletic posters cling to bright green walls. A basketball hoop stood in one corner, along with several different trophies held in a clear glass case. Compared to 01 and 02's rooms, Trowa really lucked out.

         "No fair! Other than the hideous green paint on the walls, Trowa's room isn't half-bad!" the Deathscythe Hell pilot scoffed feeling extremely jipped.

         "Let's check out Quatre's now. We're running out of time," the green-eyed boy simply said as everyone filed out and walked into the heir's room. 

         Surprisingly, Quatre's room was rather decent and resembled a common boys room with family pictures, and few posters here and there plastered on pale blue walls. It was rather normal. This however, did not please neither Heero nor Duo.

         Inspecting the family portraits, the blonde frowned. "Strange. I have pictures of people that I don't even know."

         "Yeah, well you don't have tiger stripes on your wall!" the usually good-humored teen snorted appearing rather ticked off.

         Spinning around, the five teens left the room, only to arrive seconds later in Wufei's new room. 

         The Chinese pilot was not pleased. Jade green paint was slapped half-heartedly on the walls with various war pictures stuck over it. The comforter was camouflaged as were the pile of pillows. The room was not too bad in comparison to Duo's and Heero's. But Wufei still hated it.

         "There is not one honorable person on my walls!" he exclaimed, with a small fit of rage. 

         "Shut up. You don't have a disco ball and glitter on pink paint in your room," Heero said threateningly with his coldest death glare. The Prussian blue-eyed teen was incredibly dissatisfied with the arrangements.

         "We better head back now, or Cyn will probably force us to wear fuzzy pink bunny suits," the tall circus performer sighed as he indicated towards the door. With silent nods, his friends followed, leaving the hell house behind.

*~*~*~*                   

Author's Notes: That was scary. There is more to the guys' rooms that they haven't seen yet, just Heero's and Duo's are the most obvious as far as the decorator was insane. 

Next Time.....

Feel the wrath of Cyn!

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::we find SJ asleep in her chair, with a notebook clutched tightly to her chest:: 

SJ: ::asleep:: No I don't wanna go to work today!

 ::rolls over and falls out of her chair:: 

SJ: x_x  Ow. That hurt!

::gathers herself off the floor and glances up to see a camera in her face::

SJ: Oh no....Interview now?! ::grins:: Ahem, Hi! I'm SJ and welcome to another Interview With a Gundam Pilot! Today's interview is with the Tallgeese pilot himself, Zechs Marquise! Uh, Milliardo Peacecraft? Eh, The Lightning Count....Er, Preventer Wind!? ::looks puzzled:: Too many names -_-;;;;

Zechs: Um, hi.

SJ: So Zechs....uh Milliardo......um..... Zelliardo!

Zechs: -_-;;; Just call me Zechs.

SJ: Okay, Zechsy! 

Zechs: -_-;; Just Zechs please.

SJ: ::blinks:: All righty! Gee, don't have to be a grouch. Anyway, What in the world is the deal with all of these names?! 

Zechs: ::blinks:: Pardon me?

SJ: You have way too many names! Zechs, Milliardo, Lightning Count, Preventer Wind. Just what do you put on your mailbox?!

Zechs: ::blinks::

SJ: Or do you have two mailboxes which would be selfish because think of all those poor disadvantaged people without mailboxes......or names for that matter. Ever thought of donating a name to the Nameless Society?

Zechs: Nameless Society?

SJ: Yes, for people without names of their own. Trowa was once a member until the real Trowa Barton had to die. Poor No Name aka Trowa had to give up his membership card and coffee mug upon accepting the name. But it was for the better.

Zechs: ::blinks:: 

SJ: Anyway, how are you? ^_^

Zechs: ::looks strangely at SJ:: Fine. I thought this interview was scheduled for an earlier date not to mention I'm not even in your stories. Why did you postpone it?

SJ: ::pouts:: Well, you are a gundam pilot and because my scanner was broken and I couldn't present my pretty picture. Of course you can't see it anyway so that was really pointless.

::Duo walks in the room appearing totally defensive::

Duo: Hey it wasn't my fault! I only used it once to scan my butt!

SJ: O.O;;;;;;;;;;

Zechs: ::raises an eyebrow::

Duo: So you didn't know? Oops. -_-;;;;

SJ: ::snaps out of her stupor:: I don't even want to know..... YOU scanned your butt on MY scanner without even asking my permission?! DUO!

Zechs: Duo, I think you need a hobby.

Duo: What?! I was bored!

SJ: Thus the need for a hobby. -_-;;;;

Duo: ::crosses his arms pouting:: Fine. I guess I can make model kits. Hey SJ can I borrow 40 bucks? I'm broke and want to get Deathscythe Hell custom Endless Waltz edition. ^_^

SJ: No, get your own money Mr. Scanner butt!

Duo: Fine! I guess I can sell the pictures on Ebay ::grins:: ^_^

SJ: ::blinks:: 

Zechs: ::blinks:: 

SJ: ::sighs in defeat:: Duo, go do that. Please, I have an interview!

Duo: ::looks camera, runs up to and gives the audience a good view of his molars, and eyeball:: 

SJ: DUO! ::points towards door::

Duo: Fine ::grumbles under his breath as he leaves::

SJ: Okay, before I was so rudely interrupted, do you ever feel claustrophobic in your helmet?

Zechs: Excuse me?

SJ: That strange white helmet you always wore. Did you ever feel claustrophobic in it? Small tight spaces with no air. 

Zechs: ::looks edgily around the room:: No, it didn't bother me. Does it have to be so wide and open in here? Can't you add a few walls or something? 

SJ: O.o;;;;

Zechs: It's really too open in here. ::eyes dart around the room::

SJ: Um, how about I just speed up this interview?

Zechs: ::nods::

SJ: ::looks down at her notes: Um, do you trade hair tips with Duo?

Zechs: What?

SJ: Well, both of you have the longest hair, so I kinda figured you'd start a hair club. You know have meetings on the best hair care, shampoo, conditioner.. ::sees Zechs is staring at her as if she had three heads:: Moving on now. 

Zechs: Good.

SJ: Hmm, looks like we're out of time so tune in next week for my interview with Trieze Khushrenada! ^_^

Zechs: Treize is dead. 

SJ: -_-;;; Oh yeah...... I'll think of something but he will have his transparent butt in here for my next interview!

Zech: What are you going to do? A séance? 

SJ: ::eyes get sparkly:: Not a bad idea.

Zechs: -_-;;;;

SJ: Might need a little help though......

Duo and Quatre: ::gulp::

Heero, Wufei: ::glare::

Zechs and Trowa: ::blink::

SJ: Eh...Oh boy. Cut!

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Ack, that was a difficult interview! I had no clue what to ask him! Anyway the next one is Treize so if any one has any questions, let me know ^_^

Next Time: Interview with Treize.

SJ: Gee, how am I gonna pull this one off? -_-;;;;


	9. Fashion Fatality

Mission X Part 9

Fashion Fatality

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

         Duo raced through the hallway, as the other four pilots trailed after him. There was no way they could be late seeing the insane wardrobe woman. The five teens didn't even want to think about what she'd do to them if they were even 10 seconds tardy! 

         Bounding around the corner, to the chestnut brown-haired teen's horror, he just missed the 'caution waxed floor' sign, skidding on the slick floor before falling backwards, slamming his back hard on the freshly waxed floor. "Ow," the pilot cringed with a dazed feeling swirling through his head.

         "Oh no!" Suddenly, Quatre's eyes grew wide as he realized too late that his friend was sprawled across the slippery floor, tripping over Duo, as he tried to stop himself, landing with a thud on the opposite side of the 02 pilot. 

         Following close behind were Heero and Trowa who managed to catch their balance just in time, but their attempts to remain standing failed once Wufei smacked right into them, knocking the two stoic teens to the hard polished floor.

         "Ow, I can't feel my hand," the cobalt blue-eyed teen groaned, trying to lift his head up.

         "I think it's under my knee, D-uh DJ. Um, can someone get off my legs so I can try to stand up?" the blonde inquired as he stiffly lifted his head. 

         Pounding his forehead repeatedly on the shiny surface of the floor, the Chinese teen muttered, "Brilliant shortcut, Maxwell. Think you can successfully kill us next time?"

         "Duo, you need to change your socks. Your shoes reek," the Perfect Soldier emotionlessly stated tilting his head to the opposite side. "Wufei, Trowa, get up. You're  both pinning me down."

         "Right, but Wufei needs to get up first," the green-eyed teen answered, with a slight head nod. "Wufei, now? Before we get into real trouble, with Cyn."

         Grumbling the black-haired pilot, crawled off the Heavyarms pilot which managed to release Quatre and Heero,  who was caught between him and Duo's legs. This allowed the Arabian to gather himself off of Duo's numb hand. 

         "This really sucks. Now how do we get out of here without ending up in contraction?" the long-haired teen groaned, climbing up to his knees. 

         "We're in the center of the room, this might be tricky," Trowa quietly said, pointing out their situation to his friends who were seated on the waxed floor. 

         "Maybe if we just try walk-"  Quatre tried to say as he slowly stood up and began strolling across the floor, but instead slipped falling flat on his back. The other pilots cringed, knowing how painful that must have been.

         Duo narrowed his gaze muttering, "We can save the world from mass destruction, but are unable to walk on a waxed floor. Can anyone say, we are pathetic?" 

         "Shut up Maxwell," Wufei grumbled as Trowa and Heero tried to help their fallen friend off his back.

         "Ow. Um, might I suggest crawling?" the dazed blonde weakly said as his friends exchanged glances. "It's probably the only way to successfully make it across the floor."

         "Us crawl?" the Perfect Soldier quipped, appearing slightly uncertain. "Fine, we better hurry though."

         "This is in dignifying!" the Chinese pilot muttered, as they five pilots started across the floor on all fours, slipping every once and a while. "Injustice! I am a warrior not some weak infant!" 

         "Wufei," Heero said threateningly with a hard glare which promptly silenced the complaining teenager whose hands slipped right out from under him.

         "Ahhhh! My nose!" 

         Closing his eyes briefly the cobalt blue-eyed boy sighed, "This is so humiliating."

         "Duo, stop talking and crawl," the green-eyed pilot quietly said.

*~*~*~*

         Eventually the five boy band members made it to the wardrobe room covered with waxy build up. Of course, they were extremely late and had only a half hour left before lunch break. Cyn was more than displeased. She was livid!

         "How dare you five be late on my time!" the redhead snarled, glaring restlessly at the gundam pilots as they trudged through the door.

         "It-it was an accident!" Quatre stammered, hating the fact that she was angry with him. Normally he was always so punctual...until he met the other four.

         Crossing his arms Wufei muttered as he glanced at the braided-haired teen over his shoulder, "Someone's shortcut led us straight to a waxed floor."

         "I said I was sorry!" Duo cried out, trying earnestly to defend himself. Of course Cyn was not about to believe one word they said.

         "Riiight. Next thing you're going to tell is you all fell on top of each other and got tangled up. Nice try but I do not believe one word of it," Cyn scoffed, crossing her arms over the bright red shirt.

         "Actually-" Trowa began to say only to be cut short by the raging wardrobe lady.

         "SILENCE! Did I ask you to speak Hurricane Hair?!" she snapped practically getting up in the stoic pilot's face who stared back in shock at the woman's aggression.

         Cringing Duo whispered to Heero, "She's ticked off."

         Cyn froze in her tracks before turning in the chestnut brown-haired boy's direction. With a very peculiar smile she said, "I think someone needs a haircut."

         The color completely drained from Duo's face at those very words. "Eep! I'll be good, I promise! Just anything but scissors!"

         'This is bad. Very bad,'  the blonde thought, watching the scene play out with wide eyes. 

         "Give us, whatever you need to and we will go," Heero said in his usual monotone, earning a death glare from the wardrobe which actually made him feel uneasy for some strange reason as if she held a great amount of power over him. Not to mention, he had no access whatsoever to his gun. 

         "Fine Chase. I will teach every one of you not to be late on my time!" the woman shouted when suddenly a fiendish grin spread across her delicate features. "Let me get your new clothes." Quickly she spun on her heel and pranced into the costume room.

         Trowa blinked, not liking Cyn's tone one bit. 'What have we just gotten ourselves into?'         

         "CHASE EVERS! Get you butt in here right now! You need to change clothes!" the woman barked, making the boy band feel very uneasy.

*~*~*~*

         A few minutes later a very dissatisfied Heero Yuy appeared in the doorway shooting death glares around the room. "Say one word or laugh and I'll kill any one or even all of you, no hesitation." 

         The four pilot's gaped in shock at what their trigger happy friend was wearing, fearing for their own well-being. Heero was now decked out in shiny lavender fake leather pants with an extremely bright blue shirt covered with sequins. Black chunky boots were on his feet with a few outrageous necklaces around with neck. Somehow, Cyn managed to gel the boy's hair to the point where it was sticking up in every direction possible.

         "Did she find out about the ripped leather pants?"  Quatre asked with a small smile of sympathy. 

         "Hn," Heero grunted, confirming the answer as a yes. She was too livid for him to even try to a word in edgewise.

         "DJ MITCHELLS! You're next!" Cyn's voice boomed off the walls as she announced her next victim. 

         "EEP! No! I don't wanna go! Please don't let her get me!" Duo cried out, clutching onto the door frame as Trowa and Wufei tried to pull him off. 

         "Max-Mitchells, quit being such a baby!" the Chinese teen growled to the blubbering braided-haired boy. 

         "BUT I DON'T WANNA BE THE WILD ONE ANYMORE!" Duo exclaimed, trying to hold back his tears. "SHE'S GONNA PUT ME IN PINK!"

         The green-eyed Heavyarms's pilot sighed as he said, "DJ, be a man and get in there. It'll be over with before you know it."

         With a whimper the cobalt blue-eyed teen nodded, slowly approaching the door as the death match seemed to play in his head.

*~*~*~*

         Several minutes later...

         'This bites," Duo grumbled behind a dark pair of shades, reuniting with his friends. He was clad in a black and pink zebra print satin shirt with white fuzzy, glittery pants and black boots. His braid even has pink streaks in it. "Tro-uh, Travis. I hope you wrote your will buddy."

         "TRAVIS SHARP! YOU KNOW THE DRILL!"

         Swallowing thickly, the silent teenaged boy, nodded then cringed as Cyn bellowed his name. Quietly he left the room.

         Wufei began snickering, "Mitchells has pink hair! Hahahaha! The braided baka's hair is PINK!"

         Duo merely glared, feeling very unShinigami-like since he was dressed in pink. Instead the chestnut brown-haired pilot took a seat against the wall across from where Heero was standing, being very cautious of any animals that might sneak up on him.

         "At least we won't be seen in public wearing that stuff," Quatre smiled, trying to cheer everyone up but failing miserably.

         "Not today, but eventually we will. We get one month to train the real mission begins," the Perfect Soldier said in his usual monotone feeling rather uncertain as far as how much more he could take.

         At that moment, Trowa walked out of the costume room, nearly killing himself on his dragging  ice blue sweat pants legs. This time he had a plain white T-shirt but a zip-up jacket over it which perfect matched the pants. White athletic shoes on his feet and a pair of swim goggles against his forehead which was now bare thanks to his bangs being flipped completely to the left side and gelled. "Don't even ask," he muttered, trying to yank up his dropping pants which revealed bright yellow boxer shorts.

         "ALI GENE! YOU'RE UP!" the wardrobe woman practically shrieked from the next room.

         "Think she'll lose her voice soon?" Duo asked as a hesitant Quatre entered the other room.

         "Hn," was Heero's only answer. If he was ever anti-social, now he was at is best, or perhaps worst considering the circumstances. 

         Cringing Quatre said, "At least her pets got banned from the building after Ladybird nearly strangled Dan Starz." With a deep sigh, he entered the room where the insane wardrobe woman was awaiting for him.           

         "Damn. I guess that option is out," the cobalt blue-eyed pilot scoffed, feeling extremely pathetic in his get-up.

         "Feeling suicidal DJ?" Trowa questioned his friend with an arched eyebrow.

         "Hell yeah! At least you aren't forced to wear pink of all colors!"

         "And you think wearing these pants is easy?" the tallest teen narrowed his gaze at the American.

         Heero growled, "Shut up both of you. Neither of you have a glittery pink room with a disco ball hanging from the center of the ceiling. I don't want to hear it."

         Wufei furrowed his brow at the trigger happy teen. "Quit whining Yu- Evers."

         Abruptly, Heero spun around and faced the Chinese pilot dead on. "I do not whine."

         "Could have fooled me. You aren't so big without your gun now are you?" the Altron pilot challenged, folding his arms in front of his chest as he advanced menacingly on Heero.

         "Break it up both of you! We shouldn't be fighting!" Quatre shouted, racing into the room to prevent what appeared to be a very hostile fight but instead tripped over Trowa's drooping pants legs, pulling them down in the process as he skidded across the floor, crashing into the two angry teens. Unfortunately, this resulted in all three crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs as Duo and a grumbling Trowa watched.

         "Or break a leg or something," the chestnut brown-haired pilot blinked, trying not to appear as amused as he was, making his friends even more infuriated. "You guys okay?"

         "Hn,"  was all Heero said, shoving the blonde off him, trying to climb to his feet. "I better not have split these pants."      

         "Sorry," Quatre weakly said standing up, carefully dusting off the large khaki cargo pants he was wearing with sneakers, an oversized mustard yellow shirt and eye glasses. Strangely the teen's hair was parted in the center. 

         "Yellow and khaki? What is she thinking," Trowa mumbled, staring at his friend who shrugged.

         "COAL LEE! NOW!" the woman barked from the other room.

         Rising to his feet Wufei began muttering, "Baka onna, ordering me around like a servant. She has no honor whatsoever. This is absolute injustice!" With a few more choice phrases he entered the costume room, slamming the door behind him.

         "He's dead meat," Duo nodded, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as his friends silently nodded.

*~*~*~*

         It was now almost time for their lunch break and Wufei still hadn't emerged from the room. 

         "Gee, I wonder what's taking them so long?" Quatre said, glancing up at the clock.

         "He'll appear any minute," Heero evenly said with his arms folded from the metal chair he was scowling in. 

         "INJUSTICE!" the Chinese teen bellowed at the top of his lungs, stomping out of the room. "I'm going to kill you Ma-Mitchells for this!" With rage-filled onyx eyes, Wufei targeted the braided-haired pilot who was now trying to hide behind Trowa. He was wearing an army print tank top, black leather boots, olive green wrist cuffs, and....a black cargo skirt?! 

         "It's not my fault!" Duo exclaimed before dropping his jaw at the Altron pilot's clothes. "You're wearing a skirt?!"

         "DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!" Wufei screamed, charging head on towards Duo, but fell flat on his face due to the restricting garment. "DAMN IT!"

         "Oh shut up Coal. This will teach you not to argue with me! Be glad it isn't pink! Good day boys, now GET OUT!" Cyn narrowed her gaze, practically throwing the gundam pilots out the door on their butts.

         Sighing in defeat, the five boys leaned their backs on the wall, sitting on the dirty floor. This was definitely not going well at all.

         "Joy, next is lunch. Anyone else hoping the world will end right now," the Deathscythe Hell gundam pilot flatly said, glancing at his friends. 

         "What I'm worried about is dance practice. If Stan and Cyn are that angry and made us sing those children's songs and wear these clothes, What is Dan going to do to us?" Trowa quietly said, receiving a few winces.

         Heero set his jaw as he said, "We'll just have to wait and see."

*~*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so late. Been busy with school and of course the site was down for awhile. 

Thank you for the reviews.

Next Time: The terror of lunch and dance practice.                 

Now

Interview With a Gundam Pilot

::the set is practically empty sans a small round table with seven chairs seated around it. Just then SJ appears, oddly dressed as a gypsy in a long skirt and a peasant top. loud bangle bracelets jingled on her wrists as she tightened the scarf over her head, tripping on the hem of the skirt while approaching the table::

SJ: Hmm, where are they? I can't have a séance by myself!  -_-;;;;

::Just then the six previously interviewed pilots were dragged into the room::

SJ: At least! ^_^ Have a seat boys!

Heero: Why are we doing this?

SJ: I interview Gundam pilots and Trieze was a Gundam pilot so you do the math. Now sit!

::grumbling the guys sit in the indicated chairs::

SJ: ::smiles at the camera:: Hello, I am Madame SJ and today we shall conduct an interview with the deceased Gundam pilot himself, Trieze Krushrenada.

Duo: ::coughmadwomancough::

SJ: ::glares at Duo:: Ahem, in order to have the interview, we must have a séance which I have a vague idea how to perform, eh heh.

Wufei: Probably used Séances for dummies. -_-

SJ: I heard that! Okay I want everyone join hands, now.

Duo: Achoo! ::sneezes in his hands and then attempts to grab Wufei's who snatches his hand away::

Wufei: Injustice! I am not going to touch Maxwell's snot-covered hand!

SJ: -_-;;; Wufei, suck it up. ::tosses Duo a bottle of hand sanitizer::

Duo: ::blinks:: What's this for?

SJ: To make the germ-a-phobic Wufei happy. Put some on your hands and rub them together. ::Duo shrugs and does as he is told::

Quatre: Wufei, you are afraid of germs?

Wufei: ::grumbles:: I'm not afraid of germs I just hate getting sick.

SJ: Hands everyone.

::Heero Trowa, Quatre, Zechs, SJ, Wufei and finally Duo reluctantly join hands. The boys decided that might as well do what the lunatic says. The sooner they are finished the faster they can get out::

SJ: Okay everyone close your eyes and do not break the link. ::they do as they are told::

Duo: Wait. What link?

Trowa: Our hands.

Duo: Oh.

SJ: Ahem! We gathered here to speak to Trieze Krushrenada. Trieze, if you can hear us, give us a sign.

Duo: ::faking:: I am Lord Trieze. Would a you prefer a victory sign, stop sign or the simple bird.

SJ: Grrrr ::tightens her grip on Duo's hand, clawing him in the process::

Duo: O.O;;; OW! SJ your fingernails are piercing through my skin! SJ! STOP! 

Wufei: Pathetic Maxwell. You really are weak allowing a baka onna- ::SJ kicks Wufei from under the table:: OW!

Zechs: I can't believe I'm witnessing this display of childish antics. 

Heero: Hn.

Quatre: Stop fighting! ::twitches:: It is quite immature to act like children.

Trowa: .... Quatre?

Quatre: I am Trieze Krushrenada.

Heero: Hn. Quatre is a speaking for Trieze?

Quatre: Greetings pilots, my old friend Zechs.

Zechs: Trieze?

SJ: Wow it worked! ^_^ Ahem. Mr. Krushrenada, I would like to ask you a few questions if that is all right?

Duo: Hmph! She didn't ask us.

Quatre: Certainly Miss.

SJ: Thank you ^_^ First question is, Does death really hurt like hell as Heero so bluntly stated?

Trowa: ::burst out laughing:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Heero: -_- 

Other Gundam Pilots: O.o;;;

SJ: O.o;;;; Um, Trowa? Are you Okay?

Quatre: O.o;;;;; Um. I was not paying attention I am afraid. I am rather sure however, the answer to that particularly question may vary with each death.

SJ: ::blinks:: Hmmm. That makes sense. 

Quatre: ::nods:: Quite.

SJ: ::reads her notes: Okay, next question. Are you by any chance related to Dorothy Catalonia?

Quatre: ::blinks:: Why do you ask?

SJ: ::shrugs:: Well, you both have the funky eyebrows.

::Dorothy immediately barges in::

Dorothy: They are not funky! They are beautiful! 

SJ: -_-;;; Go away Dorothy or else.

Dorothy: Or else what Miss SJ? You can't do anything to me. 

SJ: ::glares and suddenly smirks::

Duo: Uh oh...

SJ: Or else I'll Chibi-size you and convince the people of Pokemon to take you as a new pokemon called Dorthoee! Dorthoee Eyebrow Attack!

Dorothy: O.O;;;;;;;;;

Duo: ::blinks:: She's evil.

Gundam Pilots: ::nods::

Dorothy: Fine! But don't think I'll forget this! ::begins stomping out of the room::

SJ: ::yells:: Dorthoee! Eyebrow Daggers! 

Dorothy: ::glares as she races out of the room::

Quatre: Ahem. No we aren't related. Besides, Heero's eyebrows fork at the ends as well. Why not ask him?

Heero: ::death glares and draws his gun:: Omae o korosu Trieze!

SJ: O.O;;;; NO! Heero! Don't shoot Quatre! Anyway, I didn't ask Heero because well, look at his hair. It's completely untamable! Why should his eyebrows not be any different? Not to mention you have a very polished appearance. 

Quatre: Very well.

SJ: ::blinks:: Well that went better than I thought. Then again, the guy is dead. -_-;;; New question! Why did you name your organization Oz?

Quatre: ::smiles slightly:: I was a big fan of the wonderful movie, The Wizard of Oz. I always wished I could be the wizard. ::sigh::

SJ: ::gapes in shock at the response:: O.O;;;; A little bit more info than I wanted.

Gundam Pilots: O.O;;; ::nods::

SJ: Okay, About the mobile suits, why zodiac signs?

Quatre: I thought it was quite cleaver.....and Sailor Moon already had rights to the planet names and elements and Dragonball Z took up a lot of the food names.  -_-;;;;

SJ: O.O;;;

::Wufei finally cracks::

Wufei: Trieze! Why did you have to die and leave me here with this burden proving I really am weak? WHY?!

SJ: O.o;;;  O-kay. Wu-boy is losing it.

Quatre: Wufei- ::suddenly Lady Une bursts through the door::

Lady Une: TRIEZE! ::practically glomps Quatre::           

Quatre: O.O;; ::is back to normal and kinda choking:: Miss Une.....Please let go.....I can't breathe! ::is turning blue::

Lady Une: ::doesn't hear Quatre's plea:: Oh Trieze! How I've missed you!

Quatre: O.o;;; ::mouths out Help me!::

Gundam Pilots: O.o;;;;;;

SJ: O.o;;;; Um, Lady Une? I think Trieze left us......again. -_-;;;

Lady Une: ::comes to her senses and releases Quatre who collapses to the floor due to lack of oxygen:: Right. I'm quite sorry. ::gets up and leaves::

SJ: ::blinks:: Well, I think this is it for my interviews since I seem to be out of Gundam Pilots. However I'll be sure to come up with something else. ::notices Heero has his laptop out, gapes at the screen, and turns a gun to SJ as Trowa is fanning Quatre Duo, Wufei and Zechs are looking curiously over Heero's shoulder::

Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!

SJ: O.O;;;; I see you've found the Mission X story. Great. I can see that I probably have some explaining to do....later! ::disappears in a puff of smoke::

Duo: ::blinks:: How did she do that?

Wufei: Author powers, Hmph.

Heero: She is not getting away with this..... especially that pink room she stuck me with! 

::SJ watches from the catwalk:: 

SJ: Oh boy. Tune in next for something. Bye!

*~*~*~*


	10. Dancing Disaster

Mission X Part 10

Dancing Disaster

by

Sailor Janus

plus

Final's Fatality

         "I think I'm going to pass out. I can't believe they confiscated our food and left us with this sloop!" Duo grumbled from his chair at the small round table where he and his friends were having their lunch break. Taking a fork full of tanish gunk that slightly resembled macaroni and cheese he flung it at the ceiling where it promptly attached itself to the ceiling panel. "Doubt that baby's gonna come down."

         "At least someone is amused," Wufei muttered, shoving the tray to the center of the table. He was still very pissed off about being forced to wear a long cargo skirt. 

         Trowa squinted at the lunch under the artificial lighting having still not grown accustomed to having his longs bangs removed from his sensitive green eyes. "It's really bright in here. DJ, may I borrow your sunglasses? This lighting is hurting my eyes."

         Duo froze momentarily as well as the other boy band members. After a few seconds of silence, the braided-haired teen handed over the dark shades. "Sure man. It's gonna take a while to get used to not having your hair in your face, huh." 

         "The light plus the sequins on Chase's shirt are really blinding," Trowa explained, earning a glare from the Perfect Soldier.

         "I wish they'd serve us some better food. Even Du- uh DJ cooks better than this," Quatre sighed, joining his uneaten tray of food to the center of the table as well.

         "Yeah......Hey!"

         Heero snapped his plastic fork in two, with a stern look on his stony face. "We still have no word on why we must submit ourselves to this kind of torment for the mission. We're probably going to have to hold out for a month."

         "Evers, are you certain all of this is worth it? It feels more like torture to me," Wufei said as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

         "There has to be a reason for this," the blonde argued, pushing up the eyeglasses which kept slipping down his nose.

         "Yeah, but the question is what? If we don't get some answers soon, I'm gonna to walk," Duo said, pushing the tray of uneaten food to the center of the table.

         Shaking his head the Perfect Soldier firmly stated, "We can not 'walk' DJ. This is a mission and we must follow through with it. I suspect this is only training. Apparently to do what we need to, we must be a boy band."

         "But isn't there a better way than having to deal with that psychopath, Cyn?! MY DAMN HAIR IS PINK!" 

         "Calm down DJ. It's not that bad," Quatre tried to reassure his friend who was still quite displeased by the sudden change in wardrobe.

         "Not bad? NOT BAD?! Look at me! I look a freak!" 

         Grumbling Wufei muttered, "Do you think any of us like what we are wearing? I'm wearing a SKIRT! Sharp can't keep his pants from falling off. Gene over there looks like half preppy boy and half walking vomit and Evers looks like a new Clubbing Ken doll."

         "Hn. My room is glittery pink with a disco ball," Heero evenly said throwing a sharp death glare at Duo. "You have it no worse than the rest of us. Live with it."

         Duo instead nodded, crossing his arms before sulking through the rest of their break as the others made very little conversation, stared at the wall, or simply fell asleep on the table.

         "Boys! It's time!" George shouted startling the group of five in the process who either jerked their heads up, or threw glares at the cheerful, brightly dressed man.

         Rising to their feet, the five teens tried not to groan as they thought of what the choreographer was planning for them to do next. Considering what Stan and Cyn put them through, they had a bad feeling it would be hell.

*~*~*~*

         All right gentlemen, since that disgusting display you demonstrated for me yesterday, I have done a lot of thought and determined that as my colleague, Stan so simply put, we need to go back to basics," Dan crisply said, snatching a stack of papers from the desk. "Here is the agenda." Quickly he thrust a paper at each pilot's face. Turning back to his desk, he made a face. "I forgot the music in my office. You may look over the agenda in my absence. I shall return shortly." With that, he briskly left, leaving the boy band members to glance over what exactly they were about to do.

         "He's making us square dance?!" all five teens said simultaneously in disbelief.

         "Oh the humanity!" Duo shouted, staring wide-eyed at the paper.

         "Injustice! How could he do this to us?" Wufei grumbled, appearing as though he wished to shred the agenda.

         Heero glared at the paper with enough intensity, the others were surprised that it didn't burst into flames. "After that is the electric slide, and the Macarena."

         "Actually, square dancing is second. The Hokey Poky is first thing we have to do. It was half cut off when he was making copies," Trowa sighed.

         "WHAT?!" the four boys reread the paper and actually groaned.

         "Welcome to hell. Please tell me you brought a gun He- Chase," the braided haired pilot said. Unfortunately, all Duo received for an answer was a simple head shake. "Then let the torture begin!"

         At that moment, Dan returned with his chosen music, popping it into the tape player and pressed play. "Now, boys, you need to listen carefully, and follow the directs exactly."

         As an irritating jingle began a giddy voice blasted through the speakers. _"You put your left hand in, pull your left hand out, you put your left hand in and shake it all about. Now do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself about, that's what it's all about!" _

         Very unenthusiastically, the five pilots followed the orders cheerfully explained through the song, wishing the world could end at this moment. Unfortunately, even this simple dance had its difficulties. Once again Trowa was losing his pants whenever he moved or breathed for that matter. Heero once again was having trouble with his large boots as well as the fact the long necklaces were smacking him in the face, annoying the trigger happy teen immensely. Every time Duo caught sight of his braid, he'd start grumbling, forgetting what he was exactly doing. Wufei was having difficulty moving around in the restrictive garment and Quatre, was tripping over the bottom of is too large khakis as well as keeping his eye glasses on his face. 

         Sighing, Dan nodded and switched to the Macarena instead of square dancing. "This one will help give you sense of rhythm. Do exactly as I do." 

         Suddenly a song with a lot of base and fast talking Mexican singers blasted through the speakers. Swishing his hips the blonde-haired choreographer stuck his left hand out palm down and did the same with his right before flipping the left over, then the right. Next he crossed his left arm across his chest then his right, brought his left up to his head followed  by his right, before crossing the left across his stomach and once again the right before lastly, bringing his left hand to his hips, followed by his right before doing one clap, jumping to a 35 degree angle and repeated the process. The pilots stared stupefied. That was actually dance?!

         "Gentlemen, you are not dancing."

         Surprisingly, gradually they got better, Trowa manage to tuck the waist band of his pants into his boxers which prevented them from falling down. Heero threw off the annoying necklaces and tightened his boots during the break. Duo shoved his braid down the back of his shirt so he didn't have to look at the pink streaks. Wufei got used to the skirt and pretended he was wearing kendo pants and Quatre rolled up the bottom of his pants legs and finally took off the eye glasses as well.

         Exchanging glances, the five boy band members reluctantly did the bizarre dance before being introduced to the world of the electric slide and square dancing complete with cowboy hats.  

         Finally the day ended and five exhausted  boy band members dragged their aching feet towards their hideous new apartment with a disgusted look on each of their faces. Oddly, upon reaching the door, they noted there was an envelope talked in the crack under the door. Frowning, Heero bent down and picked it up, carefully opening it and began reading the note aloud.

_                 I apologize for leaving you without light. _

_                Communication never existed. _

_                This job is not what it seems to be.                                                                                                       _

_                Continue your first appointed duty._

_                In a month, more will be revealed._

_               Until, then hold on with all your might_

         "Cleaver. It's in song lyrics in case someone else would have picked it up," Trowa nodded.

         Grinning, the braided-haired teen scratched his head. "I guess this is a real after all. And here I thought this was just to punish us for something we didn't do."

         "But we have to do this for a full month? I suppose we really do have to become a boy band. Hmm, I under what's going to happen in a month? Are they going to send us another letter or maybe someone to help us?" Quatre wondered as Heero unlocked the door.

         "Whatever it is, can we really improve in a month?" Wufei as he entered the house last, and swung the brightly colored door closed before locking it. Raising an eyebrow he added, "Can we actually LIVE in this place for a month without losing our sanity?"

         "What sanity Wu-man? I think it left screaming out the door the first time we came here," Duo shrugged before walking to room. Suddenly he heard Heero growl from his own room next door. Spinning on his heel, he headed to the room next door only to find the lights off and the Perfect Soldier standing the middle of the room with his arms crossed. Frowning  Duo glanced up before trying to mask a snicker. 

         "I am NOT sleeping in here. I'll take the couch as I previously stated," Heero evenly, said, pulling out a T-shirt and sweat pants from the closet before heading off to the bathroom. 

         Once Heero left, Duo burst out laughing. "Heero has an entire solar system on his ceiling..... and the glitter on the walls glows in the dark revealing peace signs!"  

         Emerging out of the bathroom, completely dressed into a green T-shirt and black sweat pants, the Perfect Soldier glowered, and decided to inspect what condition the self-proclaimed Shinigami's room was in. Opening the door in the darkened room, he slightly smirked at all the glow-in-the-dark eyes covering the walls and ceiling. "At least I'm not going to be watched as I sleep, Duo."

         "Huh?" Sharply, the Deathscythe Hell pilot turned and fled for his own room. Freezing, his jaw dropped. "There is NO way I'm sleeping in here! I'll take the floor in the living room." Grumbling he flipped the lights on and searched for something in the closet to sleep in. 

         Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei were sitting in the at the table discussing the mission in much more comfortable clothes as Heero approached them. "Any surprises in your rooms?"

         "My alarm clock plays that weak song, Eye of the Tiger," the Chinese teen muttered,  now dressed in a black tank top and white sweat pants. "I also have glow in the dark battle scenes on my walls and ceiling."

         Trowa nodded, trying to remove the gel from his bangs sitting in a red sweat shirt and black sweat pants. "Mine plays Queen's 'We will rock you' and my walls have glow in the dark sports scenes."

         "My alarm clock plays some old pop band called Nsync's Pop and I have glow in the dark musical notes on my ceiling," the blonde lastly said adjusting the gray long sleeved T-shirt teamed up with dark blue sweat pants.

         "Lucky," Duo grumbled, walking out of his room dressed in orange sweat pants and white T-shirt. Apparently he didn't have too much to choose from. "I have glowing eyes and Heero has an entire solar system and peace signs. I don't think we even WANT to know what our alarm clocks plays!"

         "Mine plays some annoying song called, "Who let the Dogs Out," the 01 pilot admitted.

         Pouting, the braided-haired turn went back into his room since curiosity was about to kill him, not to mention he needed some blankets and a pillow. Staring at the cheetah print alarm clock, Duo sighed and pressed the button discovering that it played 'Wild Thing' "Figures," he grumbled, snatching his comforter and pillow off the bed. Stomping back into the kitchen he mumbled, "Someone don't forget to wake me up. I am not going to be awaken to the sound of Wild Thing!" Finding a clear place on the floor, Duo spread the comforter out and plopped down. "Night."

         Exchanging glances the other boy band members decided it'd be best for them to go to sleep as well. After all, they needed all the rest they could get. Could they really last a month as a boy band, or will they have to last even longer? Will they even improve? Time will tell.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Ack! Writer's block is murder! This was the most painful chapter to write because of it! Anyway, the next chapter, I'm speeding things up! So a month will have passed. Oh do I have a lot planned for our favorite boy band ^_^         

Stay tuned!  

And Now...

Finals' Fatality

by

Sailor Janus and Panthera

::The Gundam Pilots walked in a heated rage toward an apartment door::

Quatre: Do you think we have the right place?

Heero: Hn. This is where her files state she is residing at. 

Duo: Now it's time for the great Shinigami to work his magic! ::rubs his hands together and then withdraws a lock pick from his hair::

Wufei: You're picking a lock Maxwell, not creating a miracle.

Duo: Shut up Wu-man! ::lightly brushes the door with his hand and the door to their utter amazement swings open::

Gundam Pilots: OO;;;

Trowa: She left the door unlocked?

Wufei: Always thought that baka onna was insane.

Heero: Makes our job easier. Let's go in. ::quietly stalks inside the apartment as the other four follow::

::Pausing at a door they exchange glances. With a swift move, Heero kicked the door open::         

Panthera: ::startled she jumps up and flips over in the chair in front of the computer:: Oo;;;;; What the hell?!

Gundam Pilots: OO;;;;

Quatre: I think we have the wrong room. Sorry Miss. ^_^;;

Duo: Uh yeah. We're looking for a basketcase named SJ.

Wufei: Do you where we can find that weak baka onna? She has committed injustice and must suffer.

Panthera: ::blinks:: Um, if you're looking for SJ, she's that shaking mess huddled in the corner over there. ::points to the far side of the room::

Gundam Pilots: ::look where Panthera is pointing:: OO;;;

Heero: Who are you and what happened?

Panthera: I'm Panthera, SJ's friend-

Wufei: Friend? That onna has friends?

Duo: Soooo, how much does she pay you?

Panthera: ::drags her hand down the side of her face and sighs:: You guys really are mean. I thought SJ was just exaggerating.

Duo: Mean? I'm not mean!

Wufei: ::grumbles:: Shut up, Maxwell. 

Duo: See! Wu-man is the mean one not me!

Wufei: My name is Wufei!

Quatre: ::tries to avoid the arguing:: So what happened to SJ?

Panthera: She blew a fuse.

Trowa: How?

Panthera: Well it'd be best not mention it around her. She has a tendency to lose it.

Duo: Hasn't she already lost it?

Panthera: Look I don't want to upset my friend. She's calm and quiet right now.

::Gundam Pilots exchange glances::

Trowa: THAT'S calm?

Panthera: It's better than how she was when I found her. 

Heero: ::pulls out a gun:: Explain or I'll kill you.

Panthera: OO;;;;;;; Um, when I got here she was babbling incoherently in Spanish.

Heero: Why?

Panthera: ::leans towards Heero's ear and whispers:: She had just finished her finals.

Duo: ::overhears:: Finals?

SJ: OO;;;;;;;; FINALS?! Finals! Finals!  No me gusta los gatos queso! 

Everyone else: Oo;;;;;

Panthera: Damn you, Maxwell! You set her off again!

Duo: Hey! Only Wu-man can call me that!

Wufei: ::threatening:: Maxwell....

Quatre: Um, what did she just say?

Panthera: My Spanish is a bit rusty but I think she just said she doesn't like cheese cats. ::moves towards the bed where SJ is sitting at the head of, tearing at a blanket and tries to calm her:: It's okay SJ. They're over. Calm down.

SJ: Mi hermana habla con su bano.

Panthera: Oo;;;; Heero, shoot Duo!

Duo: Hey! What'd I do?

Panthera: You started this! You said finals!  ::blinks:: Oh no....

SJ: . Tu escribes en los vestidos rosado.

Panthera: . Like hell I do!

Trowa: Some subtitles would be benifical.

Panthera: First she said her sister talks to her bathroom. The second LIE I will not repeat.

Gundam Pilots: Oo;;;

Wufei: Anyone have the number for a good mental institution?

Heero: ::gun pointed at Panthera's head:: You will tell us or I will kill you.

Panthera: She said I write in pink dresses. Okay? Are you happy? ::wipes her eyes::

Quatre: What's wrong with pink?

Panthera: Pink is the devil's color!

Duo: Thank you! Someone finally agrees! ^_^     

Heero: ::tries not to smirk::

Panthera: So what are you guys doing here?

Wufei: We're seeking justice over some written torture called Mission X.

Duo: She streaked my hair pink!

Trowa: Gives me pants ten sizes too big.

Wufei: Stuck me in a skirt.

Heero: Made me the clubby boy.

Quatre: Forces us to sing and dance.

SJ: Heero baile con las puertas en calzoncillos rosado para lipices pez a noche.

Panthera: ::facevaults::

Heero: I heard my name. What did she say?

Panthera: Do you promise not to kill the translator?

Heero: Hn.

Panthera: ::tries to keep a straight face:: She said, you dance with doors in pink underpants for fish pencils at night!

Duo: ::bursts out laughing::

Wufei: Oo;;; Then again. Maybe death is more suitable for that nutcase.

Panthera: Don't kill my friend!        

Heero: noticing a full two liter bottle of sprite on the floor, picks it up, opens it and dumps the contents over SJ's head, soaking her and her bed in the process::

SJ: ::blinks, sputtering:: Heero you idiot! You wet my bed! 

::Duo falls to the floor laughing hysterically as the others try to contain their laughter. Suddenly SJ reverts back to her near catatonic state::

Panthera: Heero, you jerk! She's in hysterics! Getting her wet isn't going to help! She doesn't even know what she is saying. Besides, the soda was warm. You need cold water.

Heero: ::death glares before spinning on his heel and exits the room::

Panthera: Heero come back! Don't wet her bed again!

::Duo rolls on the floor now crying because he is laughing so hard as the others hold their sides, chuckling at the amusing scene as Panthera loses control and falls to the floor, laughing hysterically::

Heero: ::returns a  moment later with a huge bucket of ice water::

Duo: Hahahahaha! Heero dances with doors in pink underwear and wets the bed!        

Panthera: For fish pencils!

Heero: ::splashes water on Duo and Panthera who each choke on the water before approaching SJ. Without a single thought, dumps the entire bucket over her head::

SJ: OO;;;;;; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's snowing? En la casa?

Duo: ::coughs:: Heero, you got water up my nose! So uncool!

Panthera: I didn't know it was possible to drown on dry land. ::sputters:: As for leaving a complaint with SJ, it'll have to wait because as you can see, she's not here right now.

Trowa: Wait.... wait. What were you doing on SJ's computer?

Panthera: ::sits up:: Working on my story before you guys nearly gave me a heat attack.

Quatre: ::has a bad feeling:: What kind of story?

Panthera: It's a fanfiction..... on you guys.

Pilots: OO;;;;;

Heero: Explain.

Panthera: ::takes a seat at the computer to hide her work:: It's about you guys seeking revenge on SJ.

Duo: Really? Tell us! 

Panthera: Well, Heero, has a plan on how to get SJ without her author powers getting in the way.

Wufei: ::sneaks up behind Panthera and reads over her shoulder:: OO;;;; INJUSTICE! YOU BAKA ONNA!         

Panthera: /Oh no. I'm dead. I better think of something fast.... Um let's see. How do my author powers work again?/

SJ: Use the force Panthera!

::curious, the other pilots crowd around the computer:: 

Pilots: OO;;;;

Duo: Not more pink!

Quatre: ::blinks:: Relena as a child?

Trowa: This is scary.

Wufei: Well, this is believable. Maxwell screwed things up.

Heero: ::twitch::

Panthera: Oh no. They're about to lose it. Gotta get rid of Heero's gun. ::snaps fingers and the trigger happy teen's favorite weapon is replaced with a water gun:: ::sighs:: Safe for now.

Heero: ::glares::

Panthera: ::turns to Wufei:: As for you. ::snaps fingers and Wufei becomes a dark-haired Sailor Moon:: 

Everyone: OO;;;;;

Panthera: Wow! It worked!

Sailor Wufei: . I'm the champion of love and justice, I will punish you! In the name of Nataku! ::does a pose::

Panthera: -_-;; That's scary. ::shudders::

Quatre: I'm having a sense of de ja vu.

Duo: ::snickers:: Hey Wu-man! You're a knock out! 

Panthera: ::turns to Duo:: You started all this.

Duo: ::pales:: Uh oh. Don't do anything drastic babe.

Panthera: ::eyes narrow coldly, gritting her teeth:: Don't. Call. Me. Babe! ::snaps her fingers and Duo turns into Chibi Relena from Don't Drink the Water!::

Duo: Eek! I'm wearing pink!

Trowa: ::blinks:: Um, Duo, you're Chibi Relena.

Duo: OO;;;;;; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heero: ::hits the floor::

Panthera: ::smirks:: That's so much better. Does anyone want to meet my bad side?

Quatre: Oo;;; THAT'S not your bad side?

Chibi Relena: HEEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOO! ::pounces on the down Perfect Soldier:: Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrroooooooo!

Heero: X.x ::twitch::

Panthera: Oo;;;; That's too weird even for me. ::snaps fingers and Chibi Relena freezes:: Man she's annoying! Uh, sorry Heero.

SJ: Relena come ojos de pollo com las lamparas verde.

Trowa: What?

Panthera: Relena eats chicken eyes with green lamps.

::suddenly a bowl of chicken eyes and green lamps appears in front of Chibi Relena as she unfroze::

Chibi Relena: ::blinks:: Heero! ::proceeds to consume the chicken eyes::

Quatre: ::faints::

Panthera: Oo;;; Wait a minute. I didn't do that. How did that happen?! ::turns away in disgust:: That's nasty! ::snaps her fingers and Duo reappears::

Duo: OO;;;;;;;; ::turns green and races to the bathroom::

Panthera: Don't slam the- ::SLAM!:: door. -_-;;; 

SJ: Trowa mira los gatos juegan tenis.

::two cats appear on the bed playing tennis as Trowa mindlessly watches the match::

SJ: Quatre duerme en la cocina.

::Quatre suddenly disappears::

Sailor Wufei: Hey! Where did Quatre go?

Panthera: He's sleeping in the kitchen.

::pounding is heard down the hall::

Duo: ::muffled:: Hey! Let me out! I can't even pick this damn lock! The stupid door knob is broken!

Panthera: -_-;;; I tried to warn him.

Heero: ::glares as he sits up:: You are just as bad as SJ.

Panthera: I didn't know Relena was going to go crazy. Sorry Heero.

::suddenly a loud thud makes everyone in the room jump::

Duo: ::enters the room:: HAHAHAHAHA! I have escaped! Uh, sorry about the door. I kinda had to take it down.

Panthera: It's okay. It needed to be put down.

SJ: YAY! The door from hell is dead!

Duo: Man, this is worse than last time! Uh, why are those cats playing tennis?

Panthera: Because SJ said they were.

Sailor Wufei: Luna and Artemis are playing tennis?!

Everyone else: -_-;;;

Duo: Why are you such a ditz?

Sailor Wufei: ::blinks:: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Duo! Why are you soooooo mean to meeeeeeeeeee?!    

Heero: ....

Duo: ::gasps::       

Panthera: Okay, that's too much. ::snaps fingers and returns Wufei back to normal::

SJ: ::snickers:: ::snaps her fingers and the cats disappear::

Trowa: ::blinks:: What happened?

Quatre: ::from the kitchen:: How did I get in here and WHAT is that on the floor?!

Gundam Pilots: ::exchange glances::

Heero: We'll settle this later. 

::pilots bolt out of the door::

Panthera: That was the most fun I've had in a long time. Feel any better SJ?

SJ: ::grins:: Much better.

*~*~*~*~*

SJ's Notes: I think this is even longer than the story chapter! -_-;;;;

I'd like to thank my good friend Panthera whom I wrote this with. Can't wait til we can start our novel together again. ^_^

Be sure to check out her Gundam Wing story "A Doll's Life." I will gladly say that I highly recommend it especially, if you enjoy Don't Drink the Water! and Mission X.

Next time: 

I get an earful from the guys and a new cast member for Mission X. I think I like to live dangerously.... 


	11. The Pop Star

Mission X Part 11

The Pop Star

by

Sailor Janus

plus

When Characters Attack

         Contrary to some belief, the Gundam Wing pilots, over a month's time span, improved. Soon they began opening for a popular singer, Rose. Quite shockingly, the fans loved them. They even had a music video to their slow song, Love on Wings. This only meant one thing, the five teenagers were in an everlasting hell.

*~*~*~*

         "It's a month, shouldn't we at least have some sort of explanation concerning WHY we are doing this? I don't think I can tolerate the screaming weaklings for much longer,"  Wufei grumbled from the arm chair with a steaming cup of ginseng tea in his hands. 

         Walking slowly into the room Trowa announced, "We didn't get any mail other than the fan mail." Without a second thought he plopped a pile of perfume soaked letters on the kitchen table before picking up a book that was left on the coffee table, and took a seat on the couch. 

         Just then, Duo raced into the room and practically pounced on the letters. Almost cheerfully, he dug through them but suddenly frowned picking up one particular letter. "Hey this one isn't a fan letter. It's from So-Duh Pop." With a shrug he quickly he tore open the letter.

         "Maybe they're throwing us out," Wufei scoffed as the braided-haired teen pulled out a folded piece of paper.

         Clearing his throat Duo read, "Dear Xtreme! We would like to inform you of our new decision..." Suddenly his voice began to fade.

         "What is it?" Heero inquired from the doorway of his room, where he was trying to remove the last of the glow-in-the-dark peace signs from the walls. 

         "They've signed up some new pop singer babe and because of lack of space else where, she gets the empty room."

         Frowning in the kitchen, Quatre poured himself a cup of black tea. "You mean the locked one at the far end of hallway closest to Heero's room?"

         "That's the one. They said it's even decorated for a girl." 

         "This is unexpected," Trowa quietly said. Quickly he glanced at his watch. "Um, we have to be at Stan's in fifteen minutes. He wants to go over our newest song." 

         Shrugging Duo tossed the letter on the table. "Well, maybe we can meet the girl while we're there. She's supposed to be coming today."

         "TODAY?!" the other four pilots chorused.

         "Yep. Today. At least that's what the note says."

         "Injustice! We have to live with a weak onna?" Wufei grumbled as headed for the door, muttering a few other choice phrases under his breath.

         "Maybe she won't be so bad," the blonde quietly said, following the Chinese teen out the door.

         Grinning Duo added, "Yeah! She might even be a real babe!"         

         "Let's just get this over with," Heero evenly said as Trowa quietly followed, locking the door behind them as they approached the recording studio. 'She better not be a perky nitwit or there will going to be a problem,' the Perfect Soldier thought, imagining the girl's constant giggling and blasting pop songs in the radio to the point of blowing out her speakers. The fact that the room was closest to his would prove to be a tremendous challenge.

         In silence, the five boys trudged towards the recording studio. The only thoughts in their minds were just what exactly this new girl was going to be like? The common feeling was dread at the fact that she could very likely be perkier than a herd of valley girl cheerleaders at cheerleading camp.  

*~*~*~*

         As Quatre pulled the glass door open to the studio, rather than hear the usual sound of telephones ringing and the custodian singing off key to THEIR pop songs, the five boy band members were greeted with a new sound as they entered the building which to some could be called, rather frightening.

         "HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY HAIR?!  YOU HAVE DESTROYED IT! AND WHY IN THE WORLD MUST I WEAR PINK OF ALL COLORS?! I'M NOT A FREAKING BARBIE DOLL!" 

         The gundam pilots abruptly froze in their tracks. Some were cringing at the high intervals of the soft yet angry female voice while others frowned in speculation. That couldn't be the new girl....could it?

         "Um, she doesn't exactly sound happy, whoever she is," Quatre said in a nervous tinged voice.

         Just then a new voice bellowed through the hallway. The recognizable voice of Cyn in a tone that made the group shudder in remembrance of their own hassles with the insane woman.

         "YOU WILL WEAR IT AND LIKE IT OR ELSE YOU WILL SEE A SIDE OF ME THAT YOU'LL WISH NEVER EXISTED!"

         Wincing, Duo said, "Um, Cyn sounds REALLY mad."

         "Whoever is yelling at her is in deep trouble," Trowa nodded.

         "BRING IT ON YOU FASHION PRISION FUGITIVE! I'M SURE YOUR COLOR-BLIND ASS IS ON EVERY WANTED AD!"

         "She challenged Cyn?! That girl is going to have a short life-span." the L2 teen said as they slowly walked down the hallway closing in on the echoing voices. "I kinda have a bad feeling that we're about to walk in on a cat fight."

         Nodding the Heavyarms pilot said, "It sounds that way."

         "WHY YOU BITCHY, HOT-TEMPERED, DRAMA QUEEN! THAT'S IT! It's going to be a fuzzy pink coat with feathers, shiny pink tank top with A FUZZY ORANGE SKIRT FOR YOU!" Cyn yelled to whom the others were presuming to be the new pop star.

         "I'd like to see you try!"

         Just then the five gundam pilots glanced in the room, promptly breaking up the cat fight with their sudden appearances. 

         "Um, is there a problem in here?" Quatre asked, looking at Cyn and then at the new girl who had her back facing them. 

         Cyn smirked, "If you can remove her from my sight I'll go easier on the color combinations for your clothing."

         Glaring coldly the girl said, "This is not over. One of these days, you may actually discover some REAL fashion sense." Sharply, she turned, brushing past the five boy band members without a second thought and left the room.

         "Um, who is she?" Duo asked when suddenly the wardrobe coordinator began snickering. 

         "You mean my newest migraine? She's Kandi Dreams, the new pop star and your new roomie. Have fun boys and try not to let her break TOO many items. She kind of has a temper." With that, she gestured  for the five teenagers to leave her alone.  

         "THAT was the onna So-Duh Pop is sticking us with? Injustice!" Wufei grumbled as the door slammed behind him.

         "I'm not exactly pleased myself."

         Glancing across the hall, there stood Kandi, her violet eyes sparkling, still recovering from her previous heated rage. With a frown she pushed a strand of black and blonde streaked shoulder length hair from her face, before crossing her arms over the hot pink and black tank top, with a hot pink leather mini skirt and ankle length black boots. Perky was by far not the word to describe this particular pop singer.

         "Um, hi. Uh, Miss Kandi Dreams is it?" Quatre greeted, appearing a bit nervous.

         Pushing off from the wall she was leaning against, the girl pop star slowly walked in the boys' direction before turning towards the hall as she whispered, "Maybe, maybe not.... Quatre Raberba Winner." 

         The five pilots exchanged momentary glances before taking off after the girl. Heero quickly grabbed Kandi by the shoulders, roughly turning her around then slammed her against the wall as the others stood defensively next to the Perfect Soldier, monitoring the halls every once in the while, but found them vacant. 

         "Who are you and how did you know that Ali was Quatre?" Heero said with a threatening tone in his voice. 

         Oddly, rather than appear nervous at all, the girl simply smirked and didn't even try to struggle. "Yuy, I thought that was you under all that mousse. Let me guess, clubby boy right?"

         "Answer. The. Question."

         "And Maxwell over there has purple streaks in his hair. Much better than pink. Barton can't keep his pants up and Chang, well, is trying to look tough but is failing miserably."

         "Baka onna. We did not choose to look like this! Now answer Yuy's question. Who are you and how do you know us?" Wufei practically growled which still left the teenaged girl completely unfazed.

         "Do you think I chose to look like Slut Barbie?!"

         Narrowing his gaze Heero tightened his grip on her upper arms. "Answer."

         Sighing in boredom she nodded, "Fine. Only because you asked so nicely. My name is Biana Tuyen. I was sent here to further inform you of the mission but the only way to go about that process was to go undercover myself." 

         "Wait, they sent a weak onna as our contact?" the Altron pilot said, receiving a cold glare.

         "Got a problem with that?" Sharply Biana turned to Heero. "You can remove your hands now. You're wrinkling the material of this cheap piece of trash I'm being forced to wear and Cyn wouldn't be happy."

         "How do we know you are who you say you are?" Trowa questioned the teenaged girl which rolled her eyes in boredom. 

         Snickering Duo grinned, "Seems the babe has no proof. So, who do you REALLY work for?"

         "Fine. I shoved my ID in the left boot. Take it off, and see for yourself. I also wrote the note you received a month ago." Holding out her left shoe to Trowa and Quatre, the two decided to chance it and quickly untied the black boot.  "I apologize for leaving you without light. Communication never existed. This job is not what it seems to be. Continue your first appointed duty. In a month more will be revealed. Until then, hold on with all your might,"  Biana calmly recited. 

         "She's telling the truth. Her name is Biana Tuyen and she is a Guardian operative. She even has a signed document," the Sandrock pilot announced.                

         "It looks legitimate," Trowa added.  

         Narrowing her gaze at the Perfect Soldier, Biana coolly said, "You can release me now unless you'd like to explain to Cyn that YOU ruined another piece of clothing. She told me about the pants incident..... before of course, she made me into a whorish teenybopper." 

         Heero glared as he finally let go of the female operative and backed away giving her room to put her shoe back on.          

         "I do have some good news though. I convinced George to allow you guys the day off so we can get better acquainted so to speak which means rehearsals have been postponed until tomorrow," the streaky haired teen quietly said as she tied up her boot. Without saying another word, Biana headed down the hall. 

         "Hey, how did you manage that?" the braided-haired teen inquired as he and his friends followed the girl. 

         "Simple. I said if I was being forced to live with you five it'd be best if we got to know each other in order to prevent possible crisis. Needless to say, he agreed." 

         "So why are we here to begin with Miss Kandi? Quatre questioned the female operative.

         Pushing the glass doors open, Biana made a face. "Why are you here? I can't explain quite yet." Turning her head she asked. "Where is this large 'A Pop Star's dream' house I've heard so much about?"

         The five gundam pilots exchanged glances, contemplating how exactly to explain the hell house to the seemingly temperamental girl who they were forced to live with.

         Shrugging, Duo sped up his pace to match Biana's slinking one arm over her shoulders. "Uh, babe, I wouldn't exactly call the place a dream unless you like bright scary things." Grinning he added, "But I've got to say, you are really hot!"

         Throwing a glare worthy of giving a grown man profound hypothermia, the teenaged girl hissed in a deadly tone, "And you will be a cold corpse if you do not remove yourself from my person."

         Paling immensely, the braided-haired pilot's eyes widen in horror as he quickly obliged. 'Geez, she's scary! I think I might leave her alone.... Don't wanna be killed in my sleep.' 

         Glancing at the Biana's turned back, the boy band members continued on their way to the house pondering just what have they gotten themselves into. 

         "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!" the girl shouted, staring shock at the electric blue and neon green painted house.

         "Hn. That THING is the house," Heero replied in an emotionless voice.

         Shaking her head Biana said, "No, that THING is a nightmare disguised with obnoxiously bright paint." Looking at the guys behind her she added, "Please tell me it's not nearly as bad inside."

         "It's worse." Trowa softly said.

         Widening her eyes, Biana took off running up to the house, pleading to anyone that would listen that her room was not something off of a teen magazine. Frantically unlocking the door she bolted inside. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Gaping in disgust at the living room, she took off down the hall where the bedrooms were stationed. 

         Quietly, the boys entered the house only to practically be blasted back outside by Biana's infuriated yelling.

         "WHO THE HELL DECORATED MY ROOM?! I'M GOING TO GOUGE THEIR EYES OUT AND USE THEM FOR BILLIARD BALLS!" 

         "Uh, sounds like she found her room," Duo nervously said, darting his eyes around the room. 

         Nodding Quatre said, "I wonder how bad it could be?"

         Suddenly loud crashes emitted down the hallway. Hesitantly, they peered in the general direction only to finding several objects hurdling in their direction like missiles.

         "Duck!" Quatre cried at as a stuffed pink sheep nailed him in the face.

         "Nah, that's a sheep, Quatre. You need to get your eyes checked," Duo grinned which quickly faded as a hot pink telephone flew through the air and slammed hard into his chest. "OAF!"

         Glancing up just in time, Trowa managed to catch the glittery pink lamp before it could cause any damage. "That was close." 

         Heero on the other hand, underestimated the impact the lacy pink curtain would make. Not realizing that the rod was still attached, the hard plastic whacked him in the head, throwing him completely off balance and onto the floor before a wave of light pink fabric fell gracefully on top of his slightly dazed form. 

         Scoffing after missing the attacking pink jewelry box, Wufei grumbled, "Sounds like the onna is dissatisfied and throwing a weak temper-tantrum." Turning around the Chinese teen gulped as a neon pink alarm with glittery flowers came sailing his way blasting Aqua's "Barbie Girl" song, conked him in the head, instantly knocking him out. 

         "I HEARD THAT CHANG!"

         Wincing, Duo rubbed his sore chest, muttering, "At least the phone wasn't too low." Just then, the braided-haired teen wished he could have taken back his words when suddenly a metallic pink metal CD holder nailed him hard in the groin. Gasping out in pain, he dropped his hands to the location the CD holder was sent, and collapsed to his knees on the floor groaning in agony. 

         Quatre, cringing in sympathy for his friend, thought out loud, "I wonder where did the CDs go?" Just as he said those few words,  the boys were pelted with the very musical discs that were in question.

         Weakly Duo inquired from the floor, "Why didn't someone tell me Hurricane Biana was on a rampage?"

         "Didn't watch the weather report?" the L3 teen said when suddenly a CD took off a few pieces of his bangs. Sighing he added, "She's going to have to calm down soon. She's got to run out of things to throw sometime."  

         Sitting up, Heero slowly shook his head. "Wrong." At that moment, various piles of teen and fashion magazines were launched at the Gundam pilots who either took cover, or were whacked endlessly with the thick glossy piles of paper.

         Groaning Wufei rubbed his head as he sat up only to be smacked in the face by the cover of the newest fashion magazine. "Baka onna." Quickly his eyes bulged in horror as a neon pink flower shaped lamp was throttled at his head almost clocking him good.

         Soon metal flower-shaped knobs became the newest projectile, promptly shattering a star-shaped mirror behind the boys upon contact. Throwing themselves to the ground, they covered their heads, as more knobs were thrown their way. Suddenly a silence over took the house. They had just entered the eye of the hurricane so to speak. 

         Hesitatingly Heero stood up, but ducked in time to miss another flying lamp. Growling he muttered, "Someone is going to have to stop her before she destroys the entire house." Just as he started marching towards Biana's room, a bright pink bean bag chair decorated with light pink hearts, was sent in his direction. With no time to react, the Perfect Soldier was knocked off his feet as the hideous object hit him in the face and chest, roughly landing on the floor. Unfortunately at the same moment, the chair exploded spraying the entire room with sand and artificial beans. 

         Coughing and wheezing, the four remaining boys looked up just in time to be assaulted with various pillows, sheets, blankets, and a bed skirt, all of which were different shades of pink. Tearing the blankets which wrapped around their bodies off, they barely had enough time to avoid several flying pictures and fashion dolls being hurled their way. 

         Easing himself, into a sitting position, Heero hacked up the sand which he had unwillingly inhaled when the bean bag chair self-combusted. Warily he glanced at his friends, before turning his attention  to Biana's bedroom door only to be pummeled by an enormous pink teddy bear, once again knocking him flat on his back. Abruptly the girl stalked out, still appearing to be rather pissed off.         

         Through gritted teeth she muttered to herself, "Of all colors that room could be, WHY must it be PINK?! Nothing but disgusting, hideous, pink! Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink, PIIIIIIINNNNNNK!" Without even noticing the extreme mess she had created,  Biana continued walking through the piles of blankets, dolls, magazines, and Cds. Without even glancing down, she stepped over Heero's legs which were still sprawled on the floor as he struggled to lift the heavy stuffed bear before it smothered him. "Stupid decorator must die slowly and painfully. Death by meat grinder perhaps, or maybe thrown into a tank of piranha. Hell, I'll just gut them, " she continued, totally oblivious to the four pilots which were staring at her. "I need a damn marker!"  

         Raising an eyebrow, Duo watched the girl stomp into the kitchen. Quietly he whispered, "Great. They stuck us with a raving lunatic. Can this situation get any better?"

         Trowa glanced around the annihilated room. "We get to clean up this mess."

         "Not fair! She's the one who had the temper tantrum, not us!" 

         Cringing Quatre brought up, "Um, I don't think it's a good idea to approach her. She doesn't seem too civil. Not to mention disturbing."

         Nodding Duo said, "You mean she might try to kill us. Sounds logical enough since she is having an enjoyable conversation with herself over how to suitably kill the decorator." Dropping his gaze down to the Perfect Soldier he blinked, trying not to snicker. "Hey Heero! You still alive under there?"

         "Hn."

         "Need some help?"

         Grunting, Heero heaved the stuffed animal off of him, glaring in the direction of the teenaged girl's room. "She is impossible."

         Folding his arms, Wufei nodded, allowing his eyes to travel through the room. Frowning, they paused on a particular doll Biana had thrown at them. Walking over to it his onyx eyes widened as he picked up the doll. "Injustice!"

         Turning around Quatre cocked his head, looking perplexed at Altron pilot. "What is it?"

         "This is it! My nose is not that big!" he complained, showing the four boys the fashion doll that was supposed to be him dressed in black "leather" and fatigues with mini dog tags. 

         "Wow, I guess they made dolls of all of us," the blonde shrugged, picking up a doll of himself, dressed in denim and a white shirt. "Oh. They messed up eyes. They are actually blue-green."

         "My bangs are completely glued together," Trowa remarked, examining his doll which was clad in a basketball jersey and sweat pants.

         Heero scowled at his doll which wore a shiny silver shirt and black "leather" pants with a bright blue jacket. "It doesn't look a thing like me."

         Chuckling, Duo grinned as he looked at the mini him. "Cool! I have actual hair!" Frowning, he gagged at the clothes. "Tiger print and purple do not go together."  

         Just then, Biana walked back into the room, cursing repeatedly under her breath, clutching a blue marker in her. "The nerve of them!"

         Grinning, Duo picked up the "Kandi" doll which was dressed in a silver mini skirt with a glittery hot pink tank top and pink boots. Snickering he flipped it over. "Hey, Ana-Bi, your doll doesn't have anything under her skirt. Does that mean you don't either?"  

         Spinning around, Biana growled at Duo, snatched the doll out of his hands, and smacked him upside the head. "Pervert!" 

         "OW! Hey! That hurt!"

         "Be glad that was all I did to you, Duo Maxwell. You don't know what I am truly capable of," she snarled, narrowing her violet eyes coldly at him. Whirling around, the Guardian operative headed back to her room. "If you do not mind, I would appreciate it if you five could lend some sheets, pillows, blankets, and perhaps a comforter to me since I refuse to sleep on the crap they had provided being that everything is pink. Also any clothes would be welcomed gratefully. If you will excuse me, I need to color my walls." With that, she slammed her door shut. 

         "This will be.... interesting," Trowa sighed, leaning against the wall in exhaustion. 

         Nodding Quatre added, "Biana is quite uh, lively."

         "I don't see why she can't tell us why we have to do this mission. We deserve the right to know," Wufei grumbled kicking the stuffed sheep across the room.

         "Hn. She has her reasons and does not seem to want to be here just as much as we do," Heero evenly said. 

         Suddenly, they were treated to another vocal outburst followed by a loud thud. "ARGH! MY DAMN CEILING HAS GLOW IN THE DARK HEARTS, CUPIDS, AND FLOWERS!"

         "Uh, think the babe will calm down anytime soon?" Duo nervously said, as the thudding continued.

         "She will have to," the Heavyarms pilot replied.

         "Yeah, but at what costs?"                   

         Heero glared at the door once again. "Hers and our own sanity."

         "Our situation has just gone from bad to worse. First we had to deal with So-Duh Pop and Cyn and now that terror of an onna," Wufei said, slumping down on the couch. 

         "Hn. Our lives have just become more complicated."                    

         Glancing around the destroyed room, the other pilots completely agreed with their stoic friend having a feeling they were on the verge of a war of wills against a very unpredictable teenaged girl who frighteningly seemed to have the upper hand. They had a feeling they did want to see what was going to happen next.

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: HAHAHAH! I have created the guys' ultimate nightmare! A girl who is even more dangerous than they are! Now, this is going to be quite entertaining indeed. 

If anyone is confused on who exactly Biana Tuyen is, she's my personal creation. Normally her hair is black and shoulder length but Cyn as she said, had streaked it. If you want to see a pic of her then check out my profile and click on my web page. Go to Info Leak and there she is. She also appears in my stories, Information Leak and Everything But the Kitchen Sink. 

I wanted to throw a new character in and after much debate had decided a psychopath would be the most fun.

Next Time: Further Disasters...

Now....

When Characters Attack         

SJ: ::once again typing at her desk in her new apartment:: ::grumbles:: Stupid evil finals. Oh well. At least they are over with. -.-;;

::suddenly the door to her room bursts open:: 

SJ: ::nearly falls out of her chair as she spins around:: What the hell?! OO;;;

::in walks the five gundam pilots appearing very ticked off::

Heero: Hn. ::death glares::

Duo: Geez! Just how many times do you have to move?! Do you KNOW how long it to us to locate you?

SJ: ....And I should be feeling bad why? Besides, you guys didn't help me pack! 

Wufei: ::glances around:: At least the place is bigger. Your last place was unjust.

Quatre: ::scoffs:: Still looks like a disaster.

SJ: -.-; Don't tell me you are still mad about Mission X. Panthera told me about what happened...

Trowa: ::looks slightly paranoid:: She's not here, is she?

SJ: Nope. But we're gonna be roomies in May ^_^v

GW Pilots: Oo;;;

SJ: So why aren't you guys grilling me yet? I have classes to study for, characters to torment...

Heero: Hn. We're waiting for someone. 

SJ: ::blinks:: Who?

::a large crash from outside breaks the silence::

SJ: OO;;;; ::pales::

Duo: ::smirks:: Why that would have to be YOUR creation, SJ. ^_^v

SJ: OO;; You didn't.

Wufei: We invited the onna, SJ.

SJ: Oh crap! She's gonna kill me! My own creation is gonna use me for target practice! ::starts pacing the room:: 

Trowa: You brought her into the story. 

SJ: I know but we needed to liven things up a bit! 

Quatre: Hey, did anyone else notice that the rating went up? It was PG and now it's PG-13. 

SJ: -.- Why do you think Quatre?

Biana: ::kicks the front door open and stomps to SJ's room:: Where the hell is she?!

SJ: OO;;;; EEP!

Biana: ::sighs SJ::  SJ! I believe you have some explaining to do! I AM NOT A POP STAR! 

SJ: O.o;; I could have told you that.... ::starts backing up::

Biana: Then tell me WHY did you put me in this story and force me to wear pink?! I'm going to use you FOR TARGET PRACTICE! 

SJ: Why can't I keep my own creations under control. -.-;;;

GW Pilots: ::loving every minute of it::

Biana: And DON'T even make me go into what you are planning for future chapters! There is NO way in hell that I'm going through with it not to mention you've censored me as well! 

SJ: ::evil grin:: Calm down Biana or else...

Biana: ::raises an eyebrow:: Or else what?

SJ: ::smirks:: Or else this. ::snaps fingers and Biana becomes her worst nightmare, a pacifist::

Biana: ::hands clasped in front of her:: Weapons are horrible things of destruction and must be eliminated. There is no honor in fighting it is wrong and will only result in more violence. Everyone should join hands with me and sing Kumbya. ::sits on the floor and starts singing:: Kumbya my Lord.... Kumbya....

Duo: ::jaw drops:: SJ broke Ana-Bi! 

Heero: ::goes into shock:: 

Trowa: ::shudders:: That is.....scary.

Wufei: ::blinks:: The onna is weakling?

Quatre: That's too out of character for her. 

SJ: ::cringes her teeth:: OO;; this IS frightening! ::snaps her fingers and turns Biana back to normal::

Biana: ::frowns as she glances around:: Why am I sitting on the floor?

Heero: You were singing Kumbya.

Biana: Oo;;; WHAT?! ::glares coldly at SJ:: 

SJ: Wipe that look off your face, Biana before I chibi-size you. In fact because you boys brought her here, ::snaps her fingers and Biana is a chibi:: You get to baby-sit! She'll be back to normal in 24 hours just like in Don't Drink the Water! except her clothes grow with her.  ^_^

GW Pilots: OO;;;;

Heero: This is bad....

Duo: ::chokes:: A CHIBI Ana-Bi?! Isn't a full grown one more than enough to handle?! SJ! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!

Trowa: We are in trouble...

Quatre: Maybe she won't be so bad....

Wufei: ::scoffs:: Doubt it.

Chibi Biana: . This bites... SJ! ::blinks:: I WAN SOME ICECREAM!

SJ: ::snickers:: ::shoves the pilots and Chibi Biana out the door:: Have fun you guys!

Quatre: This will be a challenge...

Duo: . ::crosses his arms:: Stupid Author powers... ::glances down at Biana:: Awww, But she's so cute! 

Chibi Biana: . ::kicks Duo in the shins:: Shut. Up. I'm not exactly pleased with this...and  I WANNA GO TO THE PARK!

Heero: ..... This is going to be a long 24 hours. 

*~*~*~*

Author Notes: Didn't exactly turn out as I planned, but this will be fun. Oh by the way, Biana usually wears jeans and a dark purple shirt with low heeled boots. She'd actually be pretty cute as a chibi. ^_^ 

Next Time: Fun at the Park.


	12. Image Change

Mission X Part 12

Image Change

by

Sailor Janus

plus

It's Chibi Time

         Duo slowly opened his eyes, grumbling about it being way too early as he sat up, only to painfully smack his head into the coffee table. "OW!" he yelped, rubbing his sore head as Heero rolled his eyes, sitting up on the couch.

         "Get dressed. We have to be at So-Duh Pop in an hour," Heero said, as he headed towards the kitchen where the other three gundam pilots were drinking tea or coffee, attempting to wake up.

         With a sigh, the 02 pilot nodded glaring at the Perfect Soldier's departing form. "Wonder who is gonna to wake up the princess since she killed her alarm clock with Wufei's hard head?"

         Suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing, staring in horror at the words which fell out of Duo's mouth. It was a very valid question, just who was going to wake up the sleeping time bomb? This was a question of bravery and stupidity. 

         "Maxwell, you can do it," Wufei simply said, returning to his ginseng tea with a scoff.

         This however, immediately woke up the sleepy-eyed braided-haired teen. "Hell no! I absolutely refuse! Forget it! You can do it Wu-man, this Shinigami is not THAT stupid!"

         "Injustice! I am not going to wake up that onna! It's her fault she broke her alarm clock, with my head no less."

         "Well, I'm not doing it either! She'll probably kill me. You SAW her threaten me after the Kandi Doll incident! The girl is psycho!"

         "Someone is going to have to wake her up," Quatre pointed out from his place at the table.

         "Then why don't you do it Quatre? You're nice. She might even let you live!" Duo grinned, trying to coax his friend along.         

         The blonde however paled immensely. "Um, Biana actually.... scares me." Turning to the green-eyed teen he said, "Trowa, maybe you can-"

         Sharply the 03 pilot shook his head. "No. Way." 

         "Uh, Hey, how about Heero? He likes dealing with dangerous things and hell, he can even use the ZERO system! Come on Heero, I'm sure you can handle a girl like Biana  and live to tell the tale no sweat!" Duo grinned.

         Throwing Duo a death glare Heero firmly said, "I decline."  

         "Well, what are we going to do? Someone needs to make sure she's up," Quatre said. Suddenly he was hit by a great idea. "How about we draw straws? Who ever has the shortest, has to wake her up."

         "We don't have any straws," Trowa quietly said snatching a few chunks of destroyed CDs off the floor. "However, we can draw broken CDs. Out of these five pieces, one is shorter." Carefully he shuffled them in his hand. "Everyone will take a piece. Duo, you first."

         Gulping the teenager's cobalt blue eyes widened as he approached the group. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out one shard which appeared to be fairly long. Sighing in relief he said, "Guess I get to live for another day." 

         Wufei went next, selecting a piece slightly smaller than Duo's but nonetheless he was still off the hook. At least he hoped he was.

         Next was Quatre who chose a chunk that was larger than Duo's. "That leaves Heero and Trowa."                  

         The two pilots exchanged silent glances before Heero took a piece leaving Trowa with the remaining one. The five boy band members held out their CD pieces revealing Heero to be the winner, or loser which was probably the more appropriate word. 

         Shooting the group with a death glare, Heero turned on his heel and stalked down the hall quickly approaching Biana's bedroom.           

         "Think he'll live?" Duo speculated, earning shrugs from his friends who returned to their morning wake ups. Shaking his head he quietly said, "Been nice knowing you buddy."

*~*~*~*

         Heero scowled at the door in front of him. Reaching a hand out, he soundly knocked on the door. "Biana, wake up. We have to be at So-Duh at 4." Pausing, he expected to hear a string of curses or the sound of various objects being thrown rough against the door. Instead there was no sound. Growling, he knocked louder. "Biana. Wake. Up." Once again there was no answer. Glowering at the door, he tried the knob discovering that it turned. "She must sleep like the dead." With an annoyed look he swung open the door and discovered.... he was dead wrong. There in front of her dresser with a cell phone practically plastered to her ear was the new pop singer herself, clad only in a black bra and panties. 

         Startled by the sound of the squeaking door Biana spun around. Widening her eyes in shock she dropped her cell phone upon laying eyes on Heero's paling face. Blinking she narrowed her violet eyes coldly shouting, "GET OUT OF HERE! Can't you see I'm trying to get dressed?! PERVERT!" In a fury she began throwing everything within arms reach with included a hair brush, a pair of sunglasses, and finally every single pair of underwear and pantyhose as well as her bras at the petrified Perfect Soldier.

         Finally, Heero managed to escape through the door, firmly slamming it shut behind him still draped in various forms of Biana's underwear. Unfortunately just as the Perfect Soldier's luck would have it, Duo appeared strolling in his direction.

         "What the-?!" the braided-haired teen gaped at the large object shoved out of Biana's room. Curiously he walked closer. Widen his eyes in disbelief he suddenly began snickering madly. "Heero?  Is Victoria's Secret trying to recruit you again? I didn't realize you'd be modeling WOMEN'S lingerie!" Picking up a satin and lace lavender bra he held it up to himself. "Hey this is nice. Think it'll look good on me? Nah, not my color."

         Clenching his teeth together, Heero stared murderously at Duo. "OMAE O KOROSU!" Abruptly the Perfect Soldier charged for the Shinigami, prepared to strangle him with his bare hands. 

         Once again, nothing went exactly to Heero's plan. Just as he managed to wrap his hands around Duo's neck, he was interrupted by the last person he cared to associate with.

         "Heero Yuy! What the HELL are you doing with MY UNDERWEAR?" Biana growled, stalking menacingly towards the two pilots. 

         Glancing up from choking Duo, Heero realized just how much danger he was in. The female operative did not appear to be in the best of moods. "I-"

         "PERVERT!" Roughly she punched him in the stomach. 

         Slightly doubling over he released Duo, "But you-" Heero began to say but was forced to the floor by another sharp blow to his stomach, which knocked the air out of him as he tripped over the dragging pantyhose that were still draped on his body.

         "Stupid hentai men, stealing MY underwear...." Angrily Biana gathered all of her stuff off Heero, spun on her heel and headed back into her room slamming the door behind her. Suddenly the door burst open again. Gritting her teeth, she walked down the hall, snatched the bra from Duo and stomped back to her room soundly pulling the door shout behind her. 

         Blinking, Duo looked at the closed bedroom door and at Heero who was still on the floor. "I'll take it Ana-Bi was awake. So what really happened? Heero?" 

         Climbing to his feet, the Perfect Soldier wordlessly glared at Duo, socked him in the stomach, and headed for his room shutting the door behind him.

         "Ow," Duo gasped, collapsing to the floor as he passed out.                     

*~*~*~*                  

         The six teens looked dully at the glass doors to the record studio before pulling the doors open.

         "So, what  methods of torture are So-Duh Pop gonna use on us today?" Duo dryly said, looking very unenthusiastic as he stepped through the entry way.

         Biana only narrowed her eyes at the thought, but said nothing, trying to pull her shorts which were trying to ride up down as far as possible. 

         A few paces behind her, Heero was glaring harshly at the girl's back, recalling quite well what had occurred nearly an hour ago. 

         Trowa glanced from Heero to Biana and finally Duo, sensing something  out of the ordinary occurred to the three but decided it would be best not to ask. Besides, the looks both Heero and Biana were giving the group firmly spelled out a violent death if one should ask.      

         Just then, George approached the group. "Kandi, Stan needs you in the recording studio. It concerns your new single. Boys, Cyn has requested to meet with you five," he said, carrying a steamy hot cup of coffee and a donut. "Now go."

         Quatre's eyes slightly widened. "We have to see Cyn? This can't be good!"

         "Damn it. That was the last onna I wished to see today," Wufei grumbled. Heaving a sigh, he said, "We better go or else that baka may actually live up to her threats."

         Shuddering, Duo nodded. Looking at the small group, he noticed they were lacking one member. "Wait, where's Kandi?"

         "She already left. Let's go," Heero practically growled, glaring coldly at the location where the violet eyed teenaged girl once stood. Quietly the group nodded, heading towards the wardrobe room.

*~*~*~*

         Biana sat on a stool, scowling at the lyrics to her new song. It was pure unforgiving torture!  A short meet and greet with Stan and suddenly she found herself preparing to sing the most disgusting songs she had ever seen. Damn, this was an evil day!

         "At my count Kandi, 3...2...1..." Stan said before signaling the girl.

         Suddenly a fast paced background song began playing. Taking a deep breath, she began to sing while wishing she could vomit instead.

         "Su-gar, I'm addicted to you

          Just like how one and one makes two

          Su-gar,  yes it's so sweet

          Like every time we that meet.

          It's a craving for you by me

          I can't get, enough, bring me to my knees

          I'm always begging for more

          Like the biggest high I've felt before!

          I want candy! 

          It's what I need!

          I'm so in love

          With all these sweets

          Ohhh, Candy!

          I just need one bite!

          I need it with all my might!..."

         Deep down, Biana wished to line the So-Duh Pop Records building with enough explosives to level an entire city block. She could wait for it to be over.

*~*~*~*

         Elsewhere the Gundam Pilots were engaged in some torture of their very own courtesy of Cyn Ikle. 

         "ONNA! You did NOT put BLEACH in my hair!" Wufei bellowed starring at the golden color striped through his ebony locks.

         Glowering at the teenaged boy the woman hissed, "You need an image change no Shut. Up!"

         Abruptly a door slammed open, having been forcefully kicked by the Perfect Soldier himself, Heero Yuy. "What did you do to my hair?" he more ordered than asked the woman pulling a chunk of blonde and brown streaked hair still attached to his head roughly.

         Cyn's green eyes however flickered coldly. "As orders by your manager himself, you needed an image change to BOAST YOUR RATINGS! You are losing out on the charts to THREE TEN YEARS OLDS! NOW. SHUT. THE. HELL. UP!"

         Trowa leaned against the wall quietly trying to keep Duo whose beloved braid was now red, purple, and silver from bursting in to give his two cents. Briefly the tallest boy out of the group glared at his red and blonde streaked hair but decided it was just hair and could be hopefully dyed back.

         Quatre was just as unhappy about his hair as everyone else. It was now streaked with multiple shades of blonde and was parted in the middle. "Um, are we done though?"

         Unfortunately this was the wrong question, because the five boy band members 

found themselves kicked out of the room, by the their ears. 

         Stumbling slightly, they looked up realizing there was another presence with them in the hall. "Have fun boys?"  Turning their heads in the direction of the voice, they discovered it was Kandi, looking less than pleased. "I see you received the image change as well. What a surprise."

         "Are you always in a bad attitude?" Duo scoffed.

         "YOU trying singing about candy while your name IS Kandi and see exactly what kind of mood you are in! Anyway I was kicked out because there was some big meeting that Stan had to attend."

         "I wonder if that was why Cyn kicked us out?" Quatre inquired.

         'Whatever it is, I don't like it," the girl muttered. 

*~*~*~*

         In a darkly lit room, several individuals were gathered around a large table plotting  quietly in the dim light, unknown to the six teenagers.

         "We need to come up with a plan. There has been a .01% drop in sales and neither of them have made headlines in months!"

         "What about the girl's attitude? Discovering that Kandi is not so sweet?"

         "No, that would do the opposite of what we want. What we need is.... a romance."

         "With Kandi?! You're crazy!"

         "No, I like it. How about with Ali? He is everyone's favorite after all."

         "No," a female voice said, I have a MUCH better idea."

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Ack! I did not know this would take so long! Writers block is an evil thing!         

I'd like to thank Lady Lye for the CD/underwear scene idea ^_^         

*~*~*~*

Next Time: The conspiracy

*~*~*~*

Now         

It's Chibi Time!

by

Sailor Janus

::the gundam pilots and a chibi-sized Biana are walking down the street after being forced to take the city bus to the children's play area of the park::

Chibi Biana: ::babbling:: Park. Park. Park. Park. Park. *.*

Duo: -.-;; At least she isn't threatening anyone....again.

Trowa: ::nods:: It's not exactly normal for someone to be threatened by five year old after trying to steal her seat.

Quatre: -.-;; And for that particular child to say she was going to gouge out his eyeballs with a ball point pen. Frighteningly, I do not doubt her ability.

Wufei: ::scoffs:: This is so weak, that onna wanting to go to the park.

Chibi Biana: . ::kicks Wufei in the shins:: Shut. Up. Wufei.

Wufei: OW! Why you little-

Chibi Biana: ::pulls out a knife, threateningly:: Don't. Try. Me.

Quatre: O.o;;; Um, Maybe we should confiscate her weapons to make sure no one gets hurt? 

Heero: Hn. Biana, hand over your knives. 

Chibi Biana: ::glare:: Forget it, Yuy.  

Heero: Now.

Chibi Biana: No. 

Duo: ::sigh:: Why oh why couldn't SJ have confiscated her weapons?

Heero: ::tries something else:: Do you really want to hurt innocent children if they anger you when you return to your child-like status? 

Chibi Biana: ::deep sigh, nodding:: Fine. ::pulls out several knives hidden in her clothes, a few explosives, a tiny bottle of spray paint, an exacto blade, and finally a gun and extra clips. 

GW Pilots: ::blink::

Duo: Well, she's definitely a walking Weapons R Us.

Chibi Biana: ::ignores Duo's comment:: I have more. ::slips her boots off, retrieving a Swiss army knife, a pen knife, two tiny explosives, and two small daggers:: I expect everything back when this damn spell wears off. ::slips her boots back on::

GW Pilots: ::simply look at her as they divide the weapons amongst each other::

Duo: ::gulps:: Um, I resign from attempting to flirt with Ana-Bi. I don't feel like becoming the dead Shinigami.

Quatre: ::blinks:: Uh speaking of which, where did she go? 

Trowa: ::looks around, noticing that Biana had indeed vanished:: She's gone.

Heero: We better find her. There is no telling what she is capable of.

*~*~*~*

Where did Chibi Biana go? Find out next time!

*~*~*~*

Author's Notes: Didn't quite know what to do with this part but the next one will definitely be enjoyable.

*~*~*~*

Next Time: The neighborhood kids


	13. The Conspiracy

Mission X Part 13

The Conspiracy

by

Sailor Janus

plus

It's Chibi Time

         It seemed like an ordinary day in the Xtreme! house. It was finally the weekend and George Columbus, their manager much to the teens' surprise allowed them to have the entire weekend off. Unfortunately, not all went as planned.

*~*~*~*

         "ANA-BI! CALM DOWN!" 

         "Like hell I will! You perverted asshole! You were in my room!" the infuriated girl shouted, throwing a handful of steak knives at the defenseless Shinigami who was running for his life. 

         "I had to borrow a towel! That's it!" he cried out, ducking his head down barely missing the blade flying towards his ear. "EEP! WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!"

         "YEAH RIGHT!"

         Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei were sitting on the couch during the entire episode, watching precariously after the movie they were attempting to watch, Die Hard, had been interrupted by some much more lively action. Wufei of course was rooting for Biana as the other two cringed at the girl's nearly perfect attack, unable to decide if she was missing on purpose or not. 

         Just then Heero, who was trying to hack into the Preventers' records to learn the truth behind the atrocity they were being forced to suffer through stalked out of his room, eyes set for the kill. Ever since Biana Tuyen had practically appeared on their doorstep, there was nothing but trouble from the fiery female. Pushing the memory of the time he attempted to awake her, only to be assaulted by the girl after accidentally walking in because she did not answer the door towards the back of his head, the Perfect Soldier plotted his own offense to end the madness. 

         At the moment Biana ran out of weapons, Heero snagged her around the waist, and forced her against the wall so that she was facing it. Holding her roughly he growled, "Calm. Down. Now."

         "Yuy, get your hands off me!" she hissed in reply struggling against his grip, but he had her positioned perfectly to avoid possible escape, or so he thought. Abruptly, Biana pulled her shoulder out of joint, and elbowed him in the face with the other arm, before sweeping his legs out from under him. Glaring coldly, she put her shoulder back in place and headed back to her room, slamming the door firmly.

         Blinking, Quatre jumped off the couch and raced towards Heero who was sitting on the floor in a heap, staring at the girl's bedroom door. "Heero! Are you okay?"

         "Damn, she took you down hard! Thanks by the way. She has one hell of a temper!" Duo grinned from where he was hiding under the kitchen table. Shrugging slightly, the braided-haired operative emerged from his shelter after receiving strange looks from his comrades.

         Narrowing his eyes, Heero snapped back to reality and pushed himself off the floor with a single grunt. Ignoring the others in the living room he returned to his own bed room.

         "Never a dull moment," Trowa murmured, shaking his head. He knew there was an extreme dislike between Heero and Biana, perhaps even more so than Biana's dislike of Duo. He had his speculations over whether the two would ever actually act civil around each other. 

         "The onna needs some Prozac or something," Wufei grumbled as his gaze rested on all the knives embedded in the walls. "This place looks a knife throwing gallery."

         "Yeah, with me as the damn ducky!" Duo agreed adding his own two cents. "Any ideas on how to make Ana-Bi cool down. She's scary even on her good days!"

         Suddenly a loud ringing filled the room, indicating it was the phone. With a shrug, Quatre picked up the lime green receiver. "Hello?"

         "Ali? George Columbus here. You six have two hours to get into attire and meet us at the studio. You will be attending Rose's movie premiere."

         "But- I thought we had the day off!"

         "Change of plans. Just think of it as a good way to increase your publicity. Two hours,"  George said before hanging up the phone leaving poor Quatre to gape in silence at the wall.

         "Quatre, what's wrong?" Trowa inquired as the blonde replaced the phone on its cradle.

         Sighing, the boy replied, "We have to go to a movie premiere in attire and meet them at the studio in two hours."

         "What?! That's injustice! We were supposed to have the day off!" the Chinese teen shouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest angrily.

         "We have no choice. We better alert Biana and Heero."

         "Well, this is just perfect. Why can we not get a break?! I'll go tell Heero," Duo scowled, walking in the direction of the Perfect Soldier's room leaving the other three to argue over who would tell Biana. 

         "I refuse to tell that onna! You two may decide amongst yourselves," Wufei grumbled stomping off to his room, muttering injustice every few seconds.

         Sighing as the Chinese teen's door slammed shut, Trowa and Quatre exchanged glances. "Um, perhaps we can tell her together? Please?!" Quatre inquired with a hopeful look on his face.

         Nodding, the other boy said, "Yes. It would be better to have strength in numbers." Quietly they rose to their feet and headed down the hall towards Biana's room. 

         With a shaky hand, Quatre knocked on the door. "Um Biana? Uh, ca-ca-ca-ca-can you o-o-o-pen the door? We-we-we-we-we ha-have to te-te-te-te-te-tell you something co-co-co-concerning So-so-so- Duh Pop." 

         "It's imperative that we speak to you. They have requested our presence," Trowa added without a single drop of emotion in his face. 

         Opening the door a crack she scowled at them coldly. "What are you talking about?"

         "There has been a change in plans. Our presence is requested in two hours in attire at the studio. We are to report to a Rose's movie premiere, much to our disgust."

         "Damn them! Why do these people insist on torturing me?! How the hell do they expect me to get any work done?!"

         "We have no choice. See you in two hours, Biana," Trowa quietly said, turning on his heel and walked away, leaving the blonde to scurry after him. 

         Slamming her door shut, Biana screamed at the top of her lungs in fury. "I HATE THIS JOB!!!!"

         "You're not the only one," Trowa said, as he retreated to his respective room.

*~*~*~*

         Frowning, Biana crossed her arms leaning back in her seat in her long ice pink limo. Glaring at the glittery pink heels which brought out the same obnoxious shade which was plastered on the flowers of her silk white scarf top which revealed a bit too much cleavage for her taste and of course, the white mini skirt, she thought, 'Why must I wear this ridiculous outfit?! This has got to be a nightmare. Not only do I have to wear this crap, I must act perky to top it off! Someone kill me, please.'

         In a limousine nearly a half hour ahead of Biana's, the Xtreme! boys sat in silence. For some strange reason, they insisted on the boys to have an early departure. 

         Leaning out the window as the others rode with dull or blank expressions on their faces, Duo sighed. "This really sucks. Why do we have to do this?!" Suddenly the window began going up, snagging part of his long violet and silver streaked braid in the process. "Ow. ow. ow. ow. ow. Hair. hair. hair .hair. HAIR!"

         "DJ, get off the button," Heero clearly said in a monotone as Wufei rolled his eyes at the boy's misfortune. 

         Wincing Duo did as he was ordered, while the other pilots adverted their gazes from him, gave looks of sympathy or disgust, or flat out ignored him with a simple grunt. 

         "Baka," Wufei grumbled under his breath, turning his attention to scenery passing them by. 

         Pouting Duo crossed his arms as he edged away from the window. "It wasn't like I did it on purpose." 

         "Guys, can we cool down for a bit. It's bad enough that we have to go to this thing," Quatre pleaded with a look of hope in his aqua colored eyes. "It might not even be as bad as you think."

         "Easy for you to say. You're not the one stuck wearing electric blue tiger print pants and tight black shirt with a tiger in matching sequins on it," the self proclaimed Shinigami grumbled. "At least the shirt is black."

         "And my suede jade green shirt with khaki corduroys is any better?" the blonde challenged with raised eyebrows.

         Clearing his throat, Trowa put one hand quietly up. "Neither of you are being forced to wear black cargo pants three sizes too big to the point that they are nearly falling off your waist with an ice blue hockey jersey."

         "Shut up, Sharp. Your clothing does not consist of dog tags, a flight jacket, over an army shirt with baggy black pants and combat boots," Wufei snorted.

         Shaking his head, Heero stared down at his own clothing consisting of dressy black pants, and a silver shirt with iridescent sequins on it. He was debating whether or not feign illness in order to avoid being seen in public in such an atrocious outfit. 

         Abruptly, the vehicle lurched to a halt, nearly giving the five teens whiplash in the process and throwing Duo harshly into the Plexiglas screen.

         "Ow, thank goodness for seat belts," Quatre mumbled, rubbing his aching neck. 

         "Shut up," the braided haired teen groaned, picking himself off the floor of the car. Gingerly he touched his face and to his sheer relief, discovered that nothing was broken.

         Just then the doors to the vehicle swung open allowing the boys a clear view of the crowd outside, some of which were holding up posters for them and screaming. 

         "This is pathetic. I refuse to leave this limo," Wufei grumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest stubbornly.

         "You are going, and that is that," George barked from the front seat . "Now, GET OUT! Or else I'll have Cyn give you a NEW makeover."

         That was the immediate push the teens needed to exit the limo. Quietly, Trowa got out, blinking through the flashing camera lights. Next was Quatre who winced at the loud screaming. Heero left the limo next, glaring at the crowd coolly. Duo tried to jump out, but tripped on his feet, nearly planting his face on the ground and last was Wufei, who almost fell on Duo.

         "And here we have the hottest new boy band of all time..... XTREME! This is only brought to you live from Rose's movie premiere!" the giddily VJ Joy Lockwood shrieked into the microphone, flipping her long burgundy ponytail over one shoulder as she smiled into the camera. 

         Just then another limousine, this time in pink pulled in containing a less than enthusiastic Biana Tuyen who tried to sink as far down in her seat as possible. "I can't believe they are forcing me to do this," she grumbled. Once the vehicle came to a full stop, the door was opened. Taking a deep breath, she put on the most cheesiest grin possible and slid out, waving to the crowd. 

         "And finally everyone's sweet little pop star, Kandi Dreams, has just made her appearance! Isn't she so cute?!" Joy squeaked, grinning like made in front of the camera. "I wonder if the rumors are true?!"

         'Rumors?' Biana thought with a slightly perplexed look on her face but shrugged it often upon hearing her name being called. 'I hate this.'

         "Kandi! Can you come here a moment? We need to discuss something!" George cried out through the large crowd. Grinning he gestured her to come to him. 

         Drawing a breath, Biana beamed brightly and started racing towards the middle-aged man, unknown of the secret plan that would change her world for possibly forever. 'I hate this. I need a new job for crying out loud,' she thought nearing Cyn who was standing a mere few feet away from her manager.

         Watching the teenaged girl came closer, Cyn smirked realizing it was almost time to begin their genius plan. ' Perfect. Just a little closer Kandi. You're almost there.' 

         Suddenly, the woman stuck her foot out on the unsuspecting pop star, tripping her in the process. Unfortunately, considering the high speed that Biana was running in, Cyn had sent her flying straight towards Heero Yuy.

         Luckily, Heero glanced up in time to realize that he was about to be pummeled by a girl who had no brakes. Quickly lifting his arms up, he caught Biana before she could knock the two of them to the ground. 

         Panting heavily, Biana leaned against Heero, completely unaware of everything happening around them. "What just-" 

         "That's right folks! The rumors have been proven to be true right before your very eyes! We here at MTV have documented proof that Chase Evers of Xtreme! And Kandi Dreams are indeed romantically entwined!" the cheerful VJ squealed to the entire world as photographers began frantically snapping the teens' pictures while the music station's camera man zoomed in.

         "WHAT?!" Heero and Biana chorused together, shocked by the news freezing them in the process.

         "What the.... THEM?! Oh man, this is too hilarious! I wish I had camera! If only they could see the look on their faces!" Duo snickered in Heero and Biana's general direction. "Glad that's not me."

         Trowa scowled slightly, amazed by how much attention the two were receiving. "They think Heero and Biana.... this cannot be good."

         "This is perfect. Yuy and Tuyen. What a better match than the two people that despise each other," Wufei whispered to himself, shaking his head with slight disbelief.

         "I feel so horrible for them. They don't deserve to be framed into having a relationship!"  Quatre said softly, feeling a great amount of sympathy for the two teenagers.

         "But we...." Biana started, but couldn't seem to find the words to finish her statement. 

         "We aren't-" Heero began but found himself being interrupted.

         "Guess your little secret has been discovered, huh kids." George grinned, elbowing Heero in the ribs which promptly alerted him that he was still holding onto Biana. Swiftly the Perfect Soldier released his grip as the manager continued. "But the great thing is, no more hiding!"

         Heero and Biana exchanged glances, debating how the hell they were going to survive a night full of camera's in their faces while maintaining their covers. This would be the ultimate test.

*~*~*~*

Authors Notes: Sorry it took so long but I've been incredibly busy! Hehehe, but aren't I just the evil little thing? 

*~*~*~*

Next Time

The battle against the reporters.

*~*~*~*

Now

It's Chibi Time!

by

Sailor Janus

::where we last left at, the gundam pilots and a chibi Biana went to the park.....where they lost the temperamental half-pint::

Duo: ::shouting as loud as he can over the park grounds:: AAAAAAAAAANAAAAAA-BIIIIIIIIII! WHEEEERE AAAAAARE YOOOOOOOOU? HERE ANA-BI! ::whistles for her::

Wufei: .... Maxwell, PLEASE don't yell like Relena. We have enough problems as it is to have Yuy snap and go into a homicidal rage. 

Heero: ::slight twitch as his eyes flicker:: 

other pilots:  ::edge away from the Perfect Soldier::

Quatre: ^_^;;; Uh, that and, Biana is not a puppy.

Trowa: ::nods:: We better split up and go look for her....

Wufei: ::mutters:: Damn baka onna. ::is suddenly hit in the head by a large koosh ball:: HEY! ::snickering is heard from the monkey bars revealing a chibi Biana hanging upside down with her arms crossed, glaring::

Biana: . Shut. Up. Chang.

Wufei: Why you little.... ::charges towards the girl::

Biana: ::smirks slightly as she raises her arms up, clutching onto the sides of the bars::

Duo: Wu-man! Don't Ana-Bi is pla-

Wufei: ::just as he reaches the girl, she drops her legs down, slamming her feet into his face, knocking him down in the process::

Duo: -ning something. ::cringes: That's got to hurt.... uh, Wufei? You okay?

Biana: ::leaping down, she successfully lands on her feet, before taking off running:: Baka Chang.

Wufei: ::stumbling to his feet, he grits his teeth::  .@ The onna must die. 

::abruptly the five pilots are pummeled by various toys and balls, headed off by twelve children and Biana::

Biana: I found some friends. ::deadly smirk::

Duo: ::dodges the attacks:: Oh no. Chibi Biana and the chibi brigade! What did we do to deserve this?!

Heero: ::likewise dodging:: Hn. Biana, knock it off now. 

Biana: *.* ::chirps:: Heero! ::launches herself at him, clinging  happily to his leg::  ^.^

Heero: ::in shock::

Other pilots: O.o;;;

Wufei: -.-;; Yuy, you seem to have a barnacle growing on your leg.

Duo: ::snickers:: What I wouldn't give for a camera right about now!

Biana: ::blinks:: ::looks up and stares at Heero for a split second:: O.O;;;  Ack! What am I doing?! ::immediately releases him:: 

Heero: ::blink::

Biana: . Not a word of this to anyone or I'll use you for target practice.... IN YOUR SLEEP! ::stomps off::

Quatre: Wait Biana! ::starts racing towards the child but is attacked by nerf balls:: AHH!

Neighborhood boy 1: You leave her alone you meanies! .

Quatre: But- ::a ball smacks him in the mouth:: 

Boy 2: Yeah, you meanies! 

Girl 1: She our friend! .

Trowa: How are we going to get Biana back? 

Heero: We need a plan. 

*~*~*~*

Authors Notes: This was rather interesting...

Tune in next time to discover Heero's plan.


	14. Blackmail

Mission X Part 14

Blackmail

By

Sailor Janus

Heero and Biana stood dumbfounded as a swarm of reporters and cameras rushed towards them. Their attempts to back away from the mob of people were ambushed by George and Cyn who stood behind the pair.

"So what is your relationship with Chase Evers? Have you slept together?" Joy asked as she shoved her microphone towards Biana's face.

"NO!" Heero and Biana shouted simultaneously, each in horror at the very thought.

"They want to wait for marriage before that," Cyn grinned as she stepped forward. "I'm Cyn Ickle, by the way. Their wardrobe consultant. They share all their juicy secrets with me."

"We do not!" Biana argued, glaring at the woman.

Cyn in turn giggled and patted Biana on the shoulder. "Dear, Kandi. She's just embarrassed over the fact that her relationship with Chase and has been discovered. She is always a secretive one."

Biana opened her mouth but a reporter with jet back hair moved a microphone in front of her mouth.

"Kandi, how long have you two been dating?"

"Are you in love?" another man asked, also holding a microphone out.

"What do the other band members think? Do they even know?"

Heero groaned, trying to find any means of escape without blowing his cover. "This is a nightmare," he muttered.

"I would have to agree with you," Biana nodded.

More reporters with their camera crews soon flooded towards the teens each with their own choice of questions in mind.

"How long have you two known each other?" a perky woman from the _National Informer_ questioned Heero with a huge grin on her face.

He took a step back, and nearly ran into another reporter. 'Damn it. They're everywhere.'

The other members of his band were not having much better luck. Quatre found himself cornered by two sets of camera crews and appeared to be practically smothered due to lack of distance.

"Did you know about Chase and Kandi's hidden relationship?" a large balding man inquired before he thrust a microphone in Quatre's face.

"Uh, no-" Quatre said, as his dizziness worsened.

"What about anything that would suggest that they were involved?" another reporter cut in.

Quatre stumbled backwards and gasped. "No.... can't breathe..." Suddenly he began to sway and nearly fell flat on his face but was uprighted by Stan.

"You need more sleep, Ali," Stan tsked as he led the blonde out of the crowd.

With a dazed looked on his face, Quatre nodded.

Trowa watched as Quatre was helped away and soon find a small mob of reporters rushing his way. The tall teen's eyes widened as he searched for a means of escape. Sighting a banner, he quickly leapt up and balanced himself on top of the rope.

"Wow! Just now Travis Sharp pulled off a beautiful aerial stunt! Could this possible be a preview of their new up and coming music video?" a perky blonde reporter said in her microphone as her camera man shot footage of Trowa who was still maintaining a steady balance on the rope.

"The media really is a circus," Trowa remarked to himself as he walked down the rope.

Wufei glared coldly at his circus star comrade as another reporter began trying to interview him.

"Coal-"

"No comment," the Chinese teen growled as he tried to push his way out of the crowd.

"Did you know of Kandi and Chase's relationship?" the tall, dark and handsome male reporter asked.

"No, now go away," Wufei said crossing his arms over his chest. Of course he never got his wish as more and more reporters bombarded the boy band member.

Duo sadly wasn't having much luck either. He groaned impatiently as another reporter came up to him with her own set of questions. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the attention because he really did, especially if the reporter happened to be female and hot, but something else was on his mind at the moment.

"So DJ, is this like a shock to discover that Chase had been dating Kandi all this time?" a giggly blonde reporter asked as she twirled her hair.

"Yeah. I had no clue," Duo said bouncing on his heels slightly. 'Come on people, can we please go away so I can go pee?! I can't hold it much LONGER DAMMIT! Grrr, I should NEVER have drank that damn two litter bottle of Code Red! Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Or as they say in Spanish, el stupido!'

"So, do you have a girlfriend?"

'Go away. You're cute but GO AWAY!' Duo yelled in his head. Instead he replied, "Not at the moment."

The young woman fluttered her eyelashes. "Really? Would you, like ever consider a relationship in the future?"

'Can't... hold.... much.... LONGER!' Duo winced and said, "Not right now. Gotta go!" Without giving the reporter a second to respond he bolted towards the theater, leaping over security ropes like a gazelle.

"Hey, you, get back here!" two of the security officers shouted as they raced after the braided haired teen.

"I GOTTA PEE!" Duo cried out near tears as they caught up to him and grabbed him by the arms. "THE REPORTERS WOULDN'T LET ME CUZ CHASE IS DATING KANDI!"

The two officers exchanged glances and escorted Duo to the left. " Okay, we'll believe your story but don't let us catch you pulling a stunt like that again."

Duo nodded vigorously. "Believe me, you won't!" Catching sight of the men's room, he rushed inside.

A few moments later Duo left the room with a look of relief on his face. He blinked as he was met up by the two men once again. "Um, thank you."

"Don't mention. So Chase Evers is really dating Kandi Dreams?" the taller one said with interest.

'Uh oh. Me and my big mouth.'

Biana was growing increasingly annoyed. This was supposed to a mission, not a dating game. She wished that she had a gun or at least one of her daggers. That would solve the problem very quickly. Unfortunately, that would also mean aborting the mission and even though she liked the idea of never having to pose as a pop star ever again, she loathed the thought of an unsuccessfully completed mission. "We're not seeing each other, honest!"

Cyn quickly shoved the pop star aside and laughed. "Poor sweet, Kandi. She's so incredibly embarrassed that their big secret got out."

"Sweet. Yeah, right," Heero muttered under his breath. Biana shot him with a glare which he completely ignored. "Ahem, we really must go now."

Biana frowned at him as he reached his arm out to grab her wrist. "What are you doing?" she angrily whispered. "You must be loving this idea!"

"Hardly, but I would like to get out of here," he replied, leaning slightly towards the girl as she continued to glare at him.

"Yeah right. You just want to add onto their stupid assumptions."

"Why would I do that when I can't stand being in the same room as you?"

"Well I can't stand being on the same planet as you," Biana hissed coolly, ignoring the reporters and cameras still swarming them.

Stan quickly moved between the two and cackled. "Bickering already, kids. You must really be in love, huh."

"WE'RE NOT!" the two social misfits shouted in unison at the vocal coach.

Cyn giggled, and grabbed Biana's shoulder and Stan took Heero's. "Well, that's all the time we have today. These two would love to share more but we have an early day tomorrow, working on the new music videos and all. Good Night!"

Quickly the four sprinted away from the reporters and cameras as fast as they were able. Along the way, the other members of Xtreme joined them, more than happy to be returning to the decoration disaster that was their house.

"I'm going to kill all of them!" Biana growled as she threw various sharp objects at the living room wall. "I can't believe what they're trying to propose to me now!"

Heero threw a glare in her direction, not even flinching as a plate shattered against the wall. It was a rather tacky plate to begin with. "Do you have to use that word?"

"At least it's not me," Wufei said under his breath. The mere thought of having to pretend to be Biana's boyfriend was enough to turn his stomach.

"I HEARD THAT, CHANG!" the enraged woman yelled, hurdling a neon green and yellow coffee cup his way.

Wufei cursed as he ducked, allowing the cup to smash into the wall behind him.

"We need to do something before she destroys everything," Trowa whispered to Duo and Quatre, each who were seeking shelter in the hallway where the bedrooms were.

"Yeah, but how?" the blonde teen questioned as he watched several forks fly into the bean bag chair.

Duo scoffed. "We should just let her. Might be an improvement."

Just then the electric blue telephone rang. The give gundam pilots blinked, amazed that it wasn't broken by Hurricane Biana. Quatre quickly snatched up the receiver, hoping it didn't enrage the savage. "Uh, hello?"

"Ali, nice to hear your voice," George Columbus said on the other end. "Can you pass a message to Chase and Kandi to meet us at the studio ASAP?"

Quatre flinched as another plated shattered on the floor. "I-I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks," the manager said before hanging up.

"Who was it?" Trowa inquired, as Quatre swallowed thickly. "What's wrong?"

"Um, it was Mr. Columbus. They want to see Chase and Kandi immediately."

Biana froze, frowning at the phone. "Did they say they wanted to see me and Yuy in the studio?"

"Yes, ASAP."

A smirk appeared on Biana's lips as her eyes glittered maliciously. "Good. Now I can torture and kill then like how I've been tortured with this ridiculous mission!"

"But, you can't! We don't even know why we have to be on this mission!" Quatre gaped at her and frantically debated what he could do if she did try to kill everyone.

Biana stalked past the boys before they could get a word in edge wise and headed into her room. "Isn't it obvious? It's not a mission. It's torture! You guys must have screwed up royally to have to endure this garbage longer than I have, but needless to say, it's ending now." Biana walked briskly out of her room, and pocketed one of her knives. "And I think I may actually enjoy this."

Heero however, no matter how tempting it was to be done with the mission could allow the girl to destroy the chances of finishing it. Without a word he raced towards Biana and practically tackled her to the floor.

"GET OFF ME!" Biana shouted, struggling to shove the Perfect Soldier off her. "I mean it, Yuy!"

The other's watched in amazement as he removed multiple knives and daggers from the pockets of Biana's jeans and waistband. It was only when he grabbed the one in the center of her cleavage that she actually attacked him with a punch to his jaw, and a knee to his groin.

"That's not good," Duo winced feeling sympathetic for Heero, who was now doubled over after falling to his side.

Biana scrambled for her feet, but was knocked back down as Heero swung her legs out from under her. "Why do you actually want to continue this tirade?!"

"We were given this mission for a reason and you want to destroy it before it has been completed," Heero stiffly said with a glare. "And I can't let you do that."

"Oh, bite me." The girl sighed and pushed her hair from her face. "Fine. We'll see what they want then we can kill them."

Heero looked at her and shook his head. "At least try to stay in character."

"Only if you do the same," Biana smirked as she climbed to her feet. Heero stood up as well and looked at the rest of the group who were keeping their distance from the temperamental female.

"We'll be back, but I have a feeling you may want to hide everything breakable," Heero bitterly said as he followed Biana out of the house and headed for the studio.

Wufei shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. "If only they knew what So-Duh Pop wants of them," he said as the telephone rang again.

Trowa picked up the receiver and nodded several times then hung up. "I think I know and neither of them will like it one bit."

The other boys looked at Trowa in question then back to the closed front door.

George Columbus beamed down at the two teens as they entered the meeting room of the recording studio. Both of course, did not return the smile and took the only two vacant chairs left in the room. George nodded to Cyn, Stan, and Dan each which grinned at Biana and Heero. "Very, good. Now that our two favorite pop stars are here, we can begin this meeting."

Biana immediately stood up and slammed the palms of her hands down on the table as she narrowed her eyes at the older man. "Just what the hell are you four doing trying to make Chase and I into a couple?! I should have a right mind to slit your throats!"

Heero growled at her and yanked her back in her chair. He gave her his best death glare. "So much for what you said earlier."

George cleared his throat. "All right. I'm sure you two are curious as to So-Duh Pop's recent plans."

Biana snatched a gumball from the candy dish and furiously unwrapped it then threw it in her mouth.

"Yes," Heero replied then threw a look to the girl who was chomping on the gum like a horse. Biana however said nothing and continued to sulk.

"Good, good. Well, we decided to give both Xtreme and Kandi some um, exposure, it'd be best to throw in a little romance," the manager explained grinning like an idiot.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, we thought the public might really sink their teeth into the concept of you two being an item!" Cyn giggled in an evil tone.

"What?!" Biana spat out the gum on the table before she could choke on it. "And just how are you going to do that because there is absolutely no way I'm doing it and I'll bet Chase will agree with me here."

Heero nodded. "Agreed."

Cyn leaned over the table and sneered at the two operatives. "You see I was thinking of easing up on the costume design and even the house if you two were to act a bit lovey dovey. Especially for the public appearances and concerts. But, if you insist on being difficult, we'll just have to convince you."

"We have already contacted the other members of Xtreme about this but without the ultimatium.... Needless to say, they're exstatic," Dan nodded.

"You're going to blackmail us? You can't do that!" Biana cried out in disbelief.

"We can and will," Stan simply said.

Cyn smirked. "Face it, kids. Either do it or we'll make your lives miserable starting with feather, faux pink animal fur and spandex for Chase and for Kandi, how about really skimpy clothing in neon colors with platform shoes." She paused a moment then added, "And hair cuts would be a must. May have to dye Kandi's hair cotton candy pink of course. Then of course shave off Chase's hair. The other members of Xtreme will receive similar treatment of course."

Biana turned green with the thought of it. She glanced over to Heero and saw he was uneasy about the concept as well. "Well, if you put it that way."

The four remaining Gundam Pilots were watching Shrek when suddenly the front door burst open. Four heads turned then ducked as Biana stomped in and grabbed the nearest object, Duo's shoe and hurled it across the room.

"I HATE THIS!"

Quatre winced and looked up as Heero stalked in after her. "Something wrong?"

Heero threw the blonde a cold glare. "We're being blackmailed." He then explained everything that went on it the meeting in detail as Biana once again tore apart the house. When he finished she broke her bedroom door off it's hinges and cursed loudly.

"You two have to act like a happy lovebirds? If that's not mission impossible, I don't know what is," Duo shrugged and thanked his lucky stars that it wasn't him. At least Heero had a better chance of surviving Biana's homicidal tendencies.

"This may be our most difficult mission yet," Trowa nodded.

"Yeah, if Heero and Biana can pull this off, they sweep the Oscars!" Duo grinned. "But seriously, neither of you are what I'd refer to as an actor."

Quatre pursed his lips in thought. "And now we have a bigger problem other than trying to figure out what we are doing here in the first place."

"At this point, this may be the one mission we will fail," Heero said, glowering in the direction of Biana's room as more crashes rang through the air.

Author's Notes: Writers Block is evil. Hopefully I'll be able to update more often.

Next Time

Oscar performances


	15. Mob Squad

Mission X Part 15  
Mob Squad  
By  
Sailor Janus

The following day, The So-duh Pop Records agents kept to their word and began renovating the Xtreme house. Gone were the violently blinding colors and horrifying decorations. A crisp iced blue was being painted over the shocking neon green of the exterior of the house. The closets were also receiving a makeover, replacing loud colors and embarrassing fabrics and patterns with something the boy band members and Biana could stomach better.

The most amusing part was the fact that they had to Spackle most of the walls thanks to Biana's violent outbursts. Surprisingly enough, the six teens were allowed to spend the day anyway they liked. With only one exception…..

* * *

Heero sat in the dark movie theater and glowered at the screen, exchanging heated glares with Biana who sat by his side. Duo snickered at the movie from behind them, chomping on popcorn as the other gundam pilots watched in silence. 

The number one ultimatum of the day out was that Kandi had to go anywhere Chase went and vice versa. This of course put a major damper on the whole idea of having a day of freedom, but at least when they got home, they'd return to someplace more bearable.

Biana picked up her paper cup of soda, sipping on it rather loudly as the cup emptied.

"Must you do that? It's empty which means you don't have anything to slurp," the Perfect Soldier muttered to the female operative.

"I was not slurping," she hissed.

"Yes, you were."

"Hey, can you two _lovebirds_ keep the bickering down? Can't hear the movie," Duo grumbled tossing a piece of popcorn at them.

The violet-eyed girl spun around in her seat. "Shut up, Maxwell."

"I just want to see how they get off the island. "

"Duo, you shouldn't be talking. Everyone's trying to watch the movie," Quatre whispered to the boy seated next to him.

"That's what I'm trying to tell THEM!"

"SHHH!" Wufei hissed throwing an annoyed look to Duo who sighed in return.

Duo sat back and crossed his arms in annoyance. "All I'm trying to do is hear the movie but Nooooo Ana-bi and Heero insist on squabbling throughout the damn flick!"

"Duo, quiet or they WILL throw you out," Trowa whispered next to him.

This made the braided haired teen sigh and slouch back in his seat. "All I'm trying to do is watch the damn movie…"

"SHHH!" Wufei threw him another glare.

"That's it. I'm getting some candy." The braided-haired teen rose to his feet then wished he hadn't. Directly two rows away were some girls eyeing him suspiciously. They whispered to each other then stood up.

"Hey, that's DJ of Xtreme!" The perky blonde squealed and her brunette friend stood up quickly. Then the two fangirls yelled and raced towards them.

"Oh no," Duo said in a little voice. "We've been spotted…. RUN!"

"Maxwell…" Wufei began to scold the nervous teen until he realized that a dozen more girls were running towards them in a stampede. "Crap."

The boy band and Biana frantically scrambled to their feet and sprinted towards the exit as the girls trailed after, screaming for them and calling out many proposals of undying love.

Heero and Biana catapulted off a few seats, stepping around several of the audience members' heads as they rushed for the door. "Whose bright idea was this?" the irate female grumbled as Quatre was nearly tackled by a rather large woman.

The blonde yelled and quickly ducked under her arm. "We all agreed on this so we're all at fault."

Trowa nodded as he leapt up on a seat and flipped over a couple landing a few feet away. "We didn't exactly plan on this happening though."

"This is ridiculous. We can't even watch a movie in peace," Wufei grumbled, sidestepping around two teenaged girls who begged him for his autograph. He quietly mumbled 'weak' under his breath as he maneuvered around them.

"Next time, I'm staying home. I don't care if I end up getting high off the paint fumes and see penguins tap dancing to a polka," Duo said, dodging a couple of girls only to be yanked painfully back by his braid, throwing the poor boy off balance and onto the floor. "HELP ME!"

"Can I have your autograph?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Can I have some of your hair?"

"I LOVE YOU, DJ!"

"I can't believe I'm actually touching him!"

The girls continued harassing the fearful operative until Wufei and Trowa pulled them away, scrapped Duo off the floor, and high tailed it out of there as fast as their legs could carry them.

* * *

Several minutes later the six teens found themselves huddled behind a dumpster of all places to hide, trying to catch their breath and to come up with a valid solution to their problem. 

"THAT….. was scary," Duo said between gasps of air. His thin black shirt was hanging limply off his shoulder and there was a jagged rip in the sleeve. He made a face and thudded his head against the wall. "This USED to be my favorite shirt!"

"It'll be okay, Duo. We'll get you a new one," Quatre said, patting his friend on the shoulder.

"Well, at least you didn't get mauled!"

"Who knew a bunch of teenaged girls could be so dangerous," the blonde shrugged and tried to fix his now messy hair.

Wufei scowled and folded his arms over his chest. "Well, now what? The house won't be done for a few more hours."

"And considering we may be sighted anywhere we go, this may be difficult," Trowa said, surveying their area for any onlookers.

"If it wasn't for Maxwell's stupid braid, we wouldn't be in this mess," the Chinese teen grumbled.

"That's it!" Quatre said with a smile on his face.

"You mean we can finally cut Maxwell's braid off?"

"Hey, leave my braid out of this! If Biana and Heero kept it down I wouldn't have needed to get up to begin with!" Duo sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Now I'll never know if they get off the island."

Heero glared at the American teen then addressed the rest of the group. "We have not decided on where to go yet. I highly doubt that we'd be allowed back inside, and knowing the wardrobe lady, they'd threaten to dress us up in fuzzy animal costumes next."

Everyone shuddered at that thought. They knew there were very few options that wouldn't involve being caught by their rabid fans.

"Um, Quatre had an idea…" Trowa reminded them.

"Right! Um, sorry, envisioning myself dressed as a fuzzy raccoon or something gave me a bit of a shock," the blonde said sheepishly. He recovered quickly however as he explained his idea. "Maybe, and this is a big jump, we could get a disguise. A lot of famous people are known to do it."

"And they still get caught," Biana muttered then sighed, focusing her gaze from the street to the sky. "It's worth a shot, but how the hell are we supposed to get a disguise when we'll end up getting attacked wherever we go. We probably couldn't even go into a supermarket without having some begging fan clinging to our legs like a stray dog."

"That is a rather large problem," the circus performer nodded in agreement.

Duo scratched his head in thought. "Well, what if we go someplace that no one would care who we are like an old folks clothing store or a garage sale or something."

"We have fans of all ages," Wufei grumbled. "And the last thing I want is Grandma to chase me down in a wheelchair."

"She'd probably be able to catch you in walker," the American teen snickered, earning a glare from his comrade.

"Shut up, Maxwell."

"Well, until we make a decision, we're going to be sitting behind the dumpster until forever," Heero dryly pointed out. "Not to mention Columbus _wants_ us to be seen."

The female member of the group's mood soured even more with that little tidbit being mentioned. "We must have all died because this sure is not heaven!" Abruptly, she spun around and kicked the dumpster as hard as she could, sending it careening into the wall. She didn't say anything…. unfortunately, several people walking past on the street noticed.

"Hey! Isn't that Xtreme and Kandi Dreams!" A short blonde haired girl stood on her tiptoes, squinting at the group as she pointed at them to her friend.

"Oh no…" Duo said softly. "I knew I should have worn my track shoes…."

"IT IS!" The other girl screamed. "XTREME!"

"Not again," Wufei growled as they took off running again. "INJUSTICE!"

The six teens raced through the streets as fast as their legs could carry them, well aware of the growing crowd of fans trailing after them.

* * *

It seemed like the teens had run two miles before they lost the crowd through the winding streets. They had to scale a chain link fence, run through a department store, toy store, restaurant, and sneak into a funeral parlor in order to achieve solitude from the screaming fans. 

"I don't think I ever want to be famous. No wonder a lot of movie stars are really thin. They must do a lot of running!" Duo bent over, pressing his hands to his knees as he panted. "My feet are killing me!"

"This wouldn't have happened it _someone_ could show a little more self control and not kick the dumpster." The Perfect Soldier glowered at the lone female in the group.

Biana returned his glare with one of her own. "Would you rather me kick you instead, Yuy? Would that make you feel a lot better?"

Duo however started snickering as a mental image of Biana field goal kicking Heero through the air and into a pit of rapid fangirls entered his head. The next tabloid headline would be something like 'Kandi Dreams kicks Chase Evers to the Curb Literally. Evers Now in Fair Condition Due to Mob Attack.'

Wufei raised an eyebrow at Duo and shook his head. "He's lost it…again."

"Arguing is not going to help the situation. So lets just stop fighting and try to figure out a way to get out of this mess we somehow got ourselves into," Quatre said unzipping his jacket.

"And just how do we do that, Winner? I would really like to know before I end up going on a homicidal rampage through a shopping mall," Biana hissed at the blonde.

This of course provoked yet another mental image for Duo of a headline reading 'Rabid Pop Star Gun Downs Fans After New Single Sinks on the Charts.'The American started chuckling loudly, earning several estranged looks from his companions.

Wufei shook his head and rolled his eyes muttering choice phrases in Chinese under his breath. "This is pathetic. We are running away from _weak women_."

"They maybe weak, but there is such thing as strength in numbers," Trowa reminded him.

"Hey! We're not all weak. And not all men are strong so stop being a stereotypical chauvinistic pig!" Biana glowered at the Chinese teen.

"Right, forgive me, _Great Amazon Biana._"

"Chang, shut it."

Heero leaned against the wall and banged the back of his head against it several times, cursing his company with each dense thud. He pondered if perchance Biana was right about them having died, if so, he'd rather sit on a pitch fork or have his demolished Gundam, Wing Zero, painted pink with yellow daisies and big huge smiley face in the middle of it's chest. He would pilot it during the Thanksgiving parade. Of course it would also be wearing a neon green tutu with purple leggings. And right in the middle of it, Duo would leap into the street dressed like a turkey with Wufei chasing him with an axe. Quatre would pop out of Sandrock, which would resemble a large Easter bunny complete with ears and a fluffy cotton ball tail. The blonde would be wearing a sheep costume and baaing every few seconds. Trowa and Heavyarms would be dressed up as leprechauns and then Biana would jump out of a cake shaped float and blow everyone up with birthday candle decorated dynamite dressed in bright blue French maid costume and before everyone died, it would rain candy corn.

Everyone turned their attention to the Perfect Soldier as he began laughing at nothing. Suddenly his laughs grew louder and even more manic as everyone stared in horror.

"….Did Yuy just crack?" Biana's violet eyes widen as she glanced towards the other pilots.

"Crap, Heero has lost it," Duo gaped. "Uh, what are we going to do because I think I'm scared now…"

Quatre blinked and took a few steps back nervously. "I-I don't know! I've never seen him like this before!"

"Yuy, for the love of Nataku, snap out of it," Wufei barked as firmly as he could despite his nerves.

Biana snatched a vase of flowers from a table and smashed it into Heero's head, promptly ending the seemingly never-ending laughter. She looked on as he fell face first into the shattered pieces of ceramic and shook her head. "Pathetic."

"Well, he stopped laughing, but now he might be dead," The American cringed. "You really do need some anger management!"

"I didn't hit him that hard." The girl pointed to his head. "See, no blood."

"Yeah, but what if you made him worse and he starts talking about penguins wearing hula skirts doing the can-can?" Duo paused and realized that everyone was staring at him. "Not that I'd know anything about that."

"Um, what are we going to do about him? We'd be slowed down if we tried to carry him," Quatre inquired, gesturing to the down Perfect Soldier.

Trowa nodded. "Then the fans would indefinitely catch us." Everyone shuddered and glanced down at their fallen comrade.

"I guess all we can do is wait for Heero to wake up and hope he doesn't try to kill us?" Duo winced and the others nodded in agreement. There was after all, no telling what kind of mental state Heero Yuy would be in when he would wake up.

* * *

Author's Notes: I really really really REALLY hate Writer's Block. This story has been horrible stuck at random sections but I do want to get it finished! It's just hard to move. Kind of like moving a gundam with a snow shovel. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the latest issue of insanity for my birthday gift to all of you and hopefully there will be more to come. 


	16. Mr Perfect Stud

Mission X Part 16  
Mr. Perfect Stud  
By  
Sailor Janus

It seemed like days had passed since the Perfect Soldier had taken a blow to his head until he finally opened his eyes. A groan passed through his lips as he groggily sat up and touched his head. "What the hell hit me?"

The four Gundam pilots glanced at the lone female of the group. She glared back at them.

"Um, are you okay, Heero?" Quatre inquired with a concerned look on his face as he kneeled in front of his fallen comrade.

"Who's Heero? My name is Chase, remember, Ali?" The dark haired teen chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair then stopped. He blinked as he stared at Biana and gave a low whistle. "Whoa. Who's the babe?"

"Excuse me?!" Biana ground her hands into fists as Heero rose to his feet and casually sidled next to her.

"So, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" He draped an arm over her shoulder causing the normally irate female to freeze like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi as the other watched in alarm.

"Umm, should we try hitting him again?" Duo looked nervously at the others as he pushed off from the wall he was leaning against.

The young woman narrowed her eyes at the Perfect Soldier and moved to grab another lamp. "Sounds like a plan."

"Wait! We don't know what damage another blow to the head could cause and it may be irreversible." Quatre cried out as he and Trowa intercepted Biana before she could reach the lamp.

The taller teen nodded gravely. "It may make him worse."

"He may end up thinking you two are married or something!" Duo piped in.

Biana immediately came to a halt at the mere suggestion. "Fine. You win."

Wufei raised an eyebrow as Heero messed with his hair in the mirror, and gave his reflection several poses. "So what are we going to do with Yuy?"

Quatre's eyes widened as their amnesiac friend turned to Biana and brushed up against her backside. "At the moment…. I don't know."

"You know, I think you and I would look great together so how about we head back to my place and try out a new jigsaw puzzle," Heero leered at the girl as she flushed at the suggestion.

Quickly Biana recovered and threw her fist into his face as her violet eyes went as cold as ice. "How's that for an answer?"

The Perfect Soldier however touched his cheek and grinned. "I love a woman that plays hard to get." He then howled like a wolf and raced towards her as she paused for a moment then bolted for the door with him trailing not too far behind.

"Um, should we go after them?" Duo glanced at the others who sighed in response. "That's what I thought but next time we leave that house, I'm wearing my track shoes!" Without another word, the four teenaged boys sprinted out of the funeral home.

* * *

"This is insane! I am running away from Heero Yuy of all people! What the hell happened to me?" Biana gritted her teeth as she picked up her pace. What she really wanted to do was kill the insane operative, but she knew that would not go over very well with her supervisor. "Damn you, Cederic for getting me into this." She suddenly skidded to a stop at the sight of a large crowd of people standing a few feet ahead. "Oh no."

"Whoa, fans! Awesome!" Heero grinned as he came to a halt by her side. He beamed even brighter as he noted that they were standing in front of an open Karaoke bar right next to the sidewalk. "Babe, have I a treat for you." Heero raced for the stage and grabbed the microphone from a guy doing a very bad rendition of Queen's _Bohemian Rhapsody _and changed the song to something with a little more bounce to it

"_When I look at you, baby._

_I can't get enough of your way._

_Your look, your touch_

_And those crazy things you say._

_Cuz, baby, I can't get enough_

_Without you I'd go insane_

_One glance my way_

_And I'd never be the same."_

Biana stared horrified as he grabbed her hand and twirled her around before letting her go and dropping to his knees.

"_You keep me spinning around,_

_Tie me up, throw me down,_

_Make me yours, I'll never stay away_

_Cuz, baby, I love your way._

Trowa and the other gundam pilots came to a screeching halt as they too stared in shock as Heero finished the song then began a new rendition to _I Want Candy_.

"Are we in the _Twilight Zone_, because this sure as hell looks like it!" Duo gaped in terror at the stage unable to peel his eyes from the frightening display.

"Has Yuy gone mad?" Wufei stared at his comrade moving like a bad Ricky Martin impersonator. "Now THAT is injustice!"

Quatre winced. "It's because of the blow he took to the head. He really thinks he's a pop star."

"At least he hasn't-" Trowa began when suddenly Heero broke into Ricky Martin's _She Bangs_. "Never mind."

The four pilots watched as Heero danced, swerved, ground, and gyrated around the stage as the crowd ate it up. Biana stood still enough for pigeons to mistake her as a statue. Quatre had to wonder if she was even breathing anymore given how much her face resembled chalk.

"You know, she's either going to pass out or snap out of it and try to terminate him," Trowa whispered to the others.

"It'd be appropriate," Wufei nodded as Duo snickered next to him.

"I'd do anything for a video cam about now. If only Heero could see this." The American paused a moment and shook his head sheepishly. "Then again it just might be the push to make him actually kill himself."

"We need to do something before something happens," Quatre said, his eyes widening at Heero's almost suggestive dance moves. "I think Stan would eat his hat if he were to see this. I didn't even know Heero could move like that."

"Guess it comes from dodging bullets," Trowa shrugged.

Loud screeching caught the four gundam pilots' attention as several news crews stormed out from behind various fans and raced for the stage to film the action.

"Things have just gotten worse," Quatre paled in horror. "Now what are we going to do?"

Trowa grumbled as he straightened his shirt and cleared his throat. "The only thing we can do, join him."

Wufei's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What? No! I refuse to be a publicity stunt. If Yuy wants to act like an idiot, that is his own business. Leave me out of it."

The other gundam pilots exchanged glances, grabbed Wufei by the arms and hauled him towards the stage as he hollered injustice.

"Oh my God!" a female reporter shrieked as she caught sight of the four boys who joined their comrade. "It's the rest of the members of Xtreme! DJ, Ali, Coal, and Travis! This is so exciting! They must be doing a show!"

Quatre glanced at Trowa as Heero sang the last few bars of his song and whispered, "What are we going to do?"

"We'll have to wing it," he replied. "Hopefully we won't crash and burn."

"Can I die now? Please?" Duo begged as he looked nervously at the crowd.

"I'll join you," Wufei muttered dryly. "I'd rather fight a Leo on foot than do this."

"Quit whining, it's too late now," Trowa shook his head at his complaining companions. "We have no choice."

Duo gulped. "Did I ever tell you guys how much this sucks because it really does!"

As Heero ended his song the four remaining pilots exchanged glances then moved forward, only a miracle could save them now.

* * *

Author's Notes: Talk about being in hell. Hopefully it won't take too long for Heero to return to his old self. Apologizes on such a belated update, but other than having problems getting the story to actually move I was having laptop issues and migraines on top of everything else. The former has been solved with a purchase of a new laptop. The old one was rather suicidal to say the least shutting off at random moments, not recognizing software and hardware for that matter. Let's just say that I was frustrated to tears. I love my new one. It's the best thing I have ever bought. Can't really do much with the migraines thanks to the weather outside of medication which more often than not I have to sleep off. I hate migraines.

I do plan on finishing out this story, though it will be my last Gundam Wing fanfic because I have other writing projects that demand my attention outside of the fanfic realm. Yes, once all my stories are complete I'm closing the book on fanfiction and setting my sights fully on other projects.

I am also creating a website with two of my best friends that are also writers that will feature our original series and novels that we are seeking to get published. It'll include web stories as we'll call them involving side stories for the actual stories we are working on as well as teasers for the books themselves. I hope to have it up and ready by the end of the month. Keep an eye on my profile for more details. And feel free to email me on any questions you may have. My email is also listed in my profile.

I hope you enjoyed the newest installment and thank you for your patience.


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